This is some of my more recent work along with some old work,and although some of it is not traditional, I hope you enjoy:
The twilight comes now
The sun's bathed in golden drops
Until night takes them
The hiding sunset
The air between day and night
Beyond the oak tree
The night sky runs deep
The purple black enchantment
Beyond; the stars bright
The shadows deep down
The constant change of colors
Oh! Nature of man
The whispering wind
The strong trees are wise and old
A forgotten realm
The eyes of the beast
The fire mingles with fairy light
Engulfing blue depth
The plants grow greener
The rain clouds obscure the sky
A new world is found
The sliver of moon
The turquoise sky is calling
Another blank page
The abyss below
The pool of water reflects;
A sky with no stars
The King on a Throne
The Ants Beneath Him Minute
Power Unrivaled
Hunt the helpless Pray
When cornered by the bars, Rush!
Freedom; I Wonder…?
The chilling night air
The silence before the storm
A dead world renewed
The greens fold crisply
The jovial smile unleashed
Now, what shall I buy?
The calm of the waves
The chirping birds in the shade
Vacation's calling
Under night's cover
They gather in vast numbers
Oh! All of my woes
The abyss draws near
Memories of the living
Now dead, they whisper
Darkness inviting
Consciousness slipping away
Sleep has come, at last
The clattering roof
A sudden light, nature's roar
A much awaited drink
Sitting on high chairs
The struggle for power endless
The legs have decayed
The jaded flames dancing
The night banished, among stars
The sea’s roar, sun-rise
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey there, ab5986! I'm here to review your haiku!
I think your first line is good, but the second is a little iffy for me. How can the sun be bathed in golden drops? Did you mean the earth? Also, you go from present tense in the first line (saying that twilight is coming) to... well, it's not past or present tense, but you say until the night takes them, which is kind of a contradiction with the first. :/ Maybe it's just me.
The next few don't really seem to have any kind of plot, so to speak. It's almost a fragment of a sentence, like saying "the pie on the window sill" instead of something like "the pie sat on the window sill." Does that make sense? I'd be careful about that in the future.
Okay, this is a great one.
-Knightley
I don't really get many of these, sorry, whether I look at them as a whole, clusters or on their own. Haiku is a really hard art to get the hang of.
One or two of these make sense, but you've got to remember that nomatter what kind of writing you're doing you've got to follow the rules of grammar. For example;
"The abyss below" - fragment, you've mentioned the abyss, but nothing about it. It's not a complete sentence, nor does it lead into the next line.
"The pool of water reflects;" - the punctuation isn't needed here, and most of the time if punctuation isn't needed it looks awkward or incorrect.
"A sky with no stars"
Haiku is hard, the best advice I'd offer you is to try not to overcomplicate it. Try writing a few poetic sentences, be sure they make sense, and the play about with the syllables to turn them into haiku.