Published March 11, 2016
I was that weird child
who used to be afraid of an orange bird so much
that people thought, I was suffering from some
medical condition.
That orange bird used to sit on my shoulder
with its long and sharp beak
so close to my ear..
it's voice
like needles boring holes in my arteries
making me whine and cry.
****
That bird was a pain for me
so was I for the neighbours
But, I wasn't the goof
children couldn't lie
*****
I grew up
I grew up crying through nights
wrapping cotton sheets around my ears
running inside
when there were any aeroplanes in the sky
because I was sure
aeroplanes are nothing but cousins of that orange fellow
*****
One day, when I grabbed a knife from kitchen
And decided to end it
Mirror pointed toward my shoulder
on which it was sitting on..
Unnecessary part of me.
I remember the time, when I stopped crying
instead, I started to bang doors
and swear a lot
because that's what big children do..
That emergency appointment
Doctor asked me what my headache was about.
Why I was so depressed.
I lied.
I lied because then he would have filed
a reference to mental health.
*****
I was afraid of being called a confirmed lunatic.
*****
Day by day, I grew bigger
and it kept on shrinking
until I noticed, it was seeping into my skin
Traces of it, making
my own blood, strange.
an immortal orange hell.
**********
I am still that weird person
with an orange bird on my shoulder
seeping into my skin
But now I am an adult also,
I couldn't cry, whine and bang doors
or swear of course
instead,
I swallow. I swallow..
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140,133 Literary Works • 673,031 Reviews
This is so good, and I have never read anything like this! It really describes things about dealing with pain and 'inner struggles' as people grow up, and I think you wrote this very well. I don't see a lot of poems about mental illnesses other than depression (or I'm not looking hard enough haha). Keep on writing! The imagery was really good too! Snaps to you!
Hi there! I really love the concept of this piece! I would also like to respectfully disagree with the reviewer below: I think this piece is definitely put together. I think there are a handful of kinks here and there that need to be straightened out, but like I said the overall concept is great. Personally, I think the previous reviewer saying "this could've been a lot better" is rude. Even if you don't like a piece or simply think it needs work, there are much more polite ways to express that.
Anyhow, let's look at a few nitpicks I have. These are just my opinion, so you can do whatever your heart desires with my rambling.
First of all, the lines of astrics being different lengths is distracting. Not sure if you did that on purpose or not. I think you should try and make them the same length, because I do like the effect they create.
"who used to be afraid of an orange bird so much." I think we can reword this into something more concise: "who used to be so afraid of an orange bird," or "who used to be rattled by the presence of an orange bird" or something of that nature.
"I was afraid of being called a confirmed lunatic." I feel like the wording here is a bit off. Maybe "I was afraid of being deemed a total lunatic" or "complete whack job" or "I was afraid of the doctors confirming me as a lunatic."
"whine and bang doors" I would say "bang ON doors."
It's just little things like the nitpicks I mentioned that make a big impact. Just make sure you double check on your syntax and grammar is all.
Overall, I really love the meaning behind this piece. I think you did a great job, you just need to do a little clean sweep!
Happy writing,
Kali L.
Ummmm well this is something. So here's my review for this piece of poetry.
Orange bird-Mental Health -> Great touch. Although it has some features that are terrifying and reflect the true state of some unfortunate soul who suffers from a mental disorder the words..... well they just don't seem to end up together.. you know. I am not telling you to add rhyming in this but what i simply mean is that this could've been a lot better the Ending was good the Beginning was good too but you have to connect both the Ends to complete your piece. Anyways Nice work could've been better. Keep writing.