THEM. NOT YOU.
living. breathing.
taking everything that comes with a day
the new day. the life you lead.
the sting of a slap finds its way to your soul
THE FIGHT NEVER ENDS
you have tried to fix the broken pieces
tried to rekindle the flame that has since burned out
you have forced yourself to mend their problems
to forgive and forget
to disregard the feelings of your own
when the world crumbles down
you come to rescue
YOU COME TO LISTEN FOR THE VOICES DYING
IN THE SOUND OF THEIR OWN MISERY
forced to save their souls and minds
you pull them from the wreckage
of their own lives
you, a child by age; forced to grow
TO GROW LIKE THEY NEVER DID
you are forced to live life
on the terms of other’s feelings
their lives
their mistakes
THEIR LIVES. NOT YOURS.
your walk becomes a pace
never live life as a mistake
fix it. fix you.
a child by age, who thinks of these things
growth.
maturity can only help the soul
your soul.
the soul that will never be heard crying
CRYING OUT FOR ITS OWN MISERY
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
First of all, please post at least two reviews per poem or story. It's just fair on everyone else, and that's how we like it here!
You had some interesting ideas but unfortunately they were poorly executed. Some points:
1) Never use capitals. It is shouting.
2) Please use proper punctuation (including capitals, semicolons, colons and full stops). You may be using artistic licence, but since you are a new member I highly doubt that this is the case.
3) Many of your ideas are disjointed, especially in the final stanza:
"your walk becomes a pace
never live life as a mistake
fix it. fix you.
a child by age, who thinks of these things
growth.
maturity can only help the soul
your soul.
the soul that will never be heard crying
CRYING OUT FOR ITS OWN MISERY"
This is nonsensical. If you wish to post random ideas like this, please put this in Lyric Poetry, not DRAMATIC. Dramatic = Events (Narrative) + Emotion (Lyric). You have no storyline to tie your emotions to, hence this completely fails as a piece of dramatic poetry.
Please avoid repeating words unless you are being deliberate. Constantly using the same words to express an identical meaning is just lazy.
Your concept is interesting but like I said, it is badly executed. In time, with revisions, this will be much better, I am sure.
Gahks
This was incredible!
I usually don't read poetry, but this caught my attehtion. I had a weird feeling when I read this. I was saying to myself this is so true! but then why was I thinking that? I'm really bad at understanding poetry, so I didn't understand it, but then I did.
I don't know how to explain it. And I really liked even though I didn't understand it....but I think I did understand it. It had a weird effect on me...or is it just me.....?
XD
Paw