The night sky expands over the world below,
Everywhere the stars twinkled brightly.
Even the people below sleep peacefully
And their dream dance on through the night.
People who could not sleep noticed that,
About the night sky.
Even angels could see as they sat up in heaven
Now the night sky was coming to an end.
The sun would shoot through the darkness,
And magical colours would dance over the sky
Brids will sing and people wake up after there night of slumber
To awake to a brand new day ready and waiting to start
The house was quiet, can you hear the rain
As it hits on the tin roof?
The sound of the pitter patter, a sound so relaxing.
Looking out the window a rainbow shows it's magical colors.
The day is drawing to a close once again.
Stars are coming out to play,
Even the moon is shining brighter tonight.
That is what makes the night sky so special.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I think you need to meet my friend the comma. ,,,, And I think you need to become better aquainted with him. The rewies before me point out the nitpicks and typos, and furthermore, you need to rewrite some of your sentances. They just didn't flow well to me, and they didn't pull me in and make me want more.
Hello.
That is one interesting but simple title. xD Well, I think the first letters of 'night sky' should be capitalized.
Nitpicks:
- o.o This first line made this seem like a story and not a poem. I don't know if it's a bad thing though.
- Anyway, I think you should put a period after this line since this is a full sentence.
- Put a period at the end.
- How exactly do people 'blow' sleep? o.o
- Period at the end.
- I think there should be a comma after 'there'.
- Also, I think it should be 'dances', not 'dance'.
- Put a period at the end.
- Period at the end
- I think there should be a comma after 'Now'.
- Put a period at the end.
- Corrections: 'Birds', 'they're'
- Also, I think you should also write the 'people wake up' in future tense because you started the line in that tense.
- I don't think 'awake a brand new day' is logically correct. o.o Did you mean to 'awake to a brand new day' or 'wake up to a brand new day' or something?
- Put a comma after 'day'.
- I think it's better if you use a dash instead of a comma after 'quiet'.
- The question mark should be after 'roof', not after 'rain' since it's where the question actually ends.
- There shouldn't be a comma after 'patter'.
- Also, to use the word 'sound' twice especially in a single line seems so redundant.
- Put a period at the end.
- There should be a comma after 'window'.
- The 'it's' should be 'its' since it's possessive.
- Also, the passive voice here sounds awkward. o.o I suggest rewriting.
- Put a period at the end.
- Period at the end
- Period at the end
- Period at the end
- Sorry but... I failed to feel the specialness of the night sky with this ending. >.<
Honestly, I didn't like this the first time I read this. I was distracted by the mistakes I found in the poem. But after reading it again, I liked it. ^_^ I think the imagery and the way you wrote this poem is beautiful.
Never stop writing!
This is a beautiful poem. However, I did find some mistakes and would like to point them out.