This isn't grammatical stuff or spelling it's just to make it flow better a a story my thoughts are in red !!
Rose felt her heart break into a million pieces, as she watched her beloved walk out the door. Rose could not bear the pain, yet she still watched him go. All their memories, one by one, in several flashbacks came to her.
Mark came to visit Rose that day because#BF0000 ">I think it would sound better if you took ou the because ou he wanted to tell Rose that he was moving to a different country. Mark could not even look Rose straight in the eyes. When Mark told Rose that he was moving all of her excitement from seeing Mark disappeared and turned into tears.#BF0000 ">When you are writing about emotions using figurative language helps alot so you could be like when mark sold her blah blah blah rose felt blah blah blah and you could add something like her heart was being ripped ou of her chest or she losing something inside her.things like thar will help readers understand how she feels She looked at Mark with her captivating hazel eyes all teary. Mark could not bare seeing Rose cry any longer. He wanted to show her that he was strong, so he didn't cry in front of her. Immediately he hugged Rose and wiped off her tears. After a while Rose stopped crying "I love you," Mark said in a soft comforting voice and released his arms from hugging her. "Good-bye," he said causing every part of his body to ache. Mark walked out that door with tears running down his eyes as if it was a race, wishing that he didn't have to go, and if he had the choice, he wouldn't leave her.
Rose trembled as Mark closed the door. Her knees grew weak, and so did his. As Mark was about to enter the elevator, he stopped and looked back. He wanted#800000 ">Here you should put "as he took his final look back to the home of the girl he loved..." not so cheesy but something sorta like that I am sure you can come up with something better to take one last look at her door. To his surprise he saw Rose running towards him.
"Mark I don't care how far we are from each other. I can wait for you to come back," she said while gasping for air. Mark showed his face, his face#BF0000 ">This should be his eyes were filled with tears was filled with tears.
As soon as Rose stopped talking, Mark hugged her. "Rose, I will come back for you, and we can always talk to each other online,#BF0000 ">No offense but to me that sounds like: rose I will always wait for you ... On Facebook I will always love you," Mark said in a soft, tender and secure voice.
Mark entered the elevator and waved good-bye to his Rose, but before the doors closed Rose stopped the elevator doors from closing and went in. She hugged Mark then, suddenly she noticed that tears were coming out of Mark's beautiful blue eyes. She knew that she had to do or say something to make him feel better. "I'm coming with you," Rose whispered with her soft calming voice. Mark's blue eyes was filled with joy. "I'll help you pack," he said while gazing upon Rose like she was the most precious thing in this world. #BF0000 ">That went really fast it seemed like ""I love you I don't ever want to be with out" and then " okay you want to drop your life entirely and move to another country" and then " yeah sure"" not meaning to be mean it just moved too fast
They went back to her apartment and started packing. And when everything was packed Rose and Mark looked at each other and smiled because they knew that a whole new life was before them. A life that they would share with each other.
All in all really good I just had a few suggestions which you don't even have y
To use if you don't want to hope this helps
- Jedigeek
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