E - Everyone

Mother - Chapter 3.1

by Zoom

3

I’ve decided I don’t like Miiko.

Not only does she wake us up by yelling outside our house, demanding we get to work, she does it before the sun has even risen. My eyes open to see . . . nothing. Pitch-black.

“There’s no time to waste,” she calls, sharp voice penetrating the rice-paper walls of our minka house. I groan, burying my head under my blanket. Who wakes up this early?

Oof! A sudden weight lands on my stomach. “Miiko needs us!”

“Get off, mutant!” I hiss, shoving Conrad away. He bounces over me, lands on his feet and patters toward the entrance chamber. I hear the front door scrape open, and then—

“Oh! Well, that’s a nice cuddle,” says Miiko. She sounds painfully uncomfortable. Good. That’s what you get for waking him.

I wait for my eyes to adjust, listening to Father’s laboured breathing, then venture into the entrance chamber. My boots are frozen, but I force them on and join the others outside, keeping my left arm tucked to my side. My shirt is thick, but even the smallest amount of blue light shining through the fabric will be a beacon in the dead of night.

Miiko glares at me, withered skin golden and shimmering. She’s holding another andon lamp, which Conrad is stroking. For some reason.

“Good morning?” she asks, as if prompting me to greet her. Can people use the word ‘morning’ if the sun has yet to arrive? I glance to the east. The valley’s peak barely has an orange backdrop.

“Okay.” I reply. It’s the best I can do. Morning is for eggs and grilled fish. Reading a newspaper. Not standing in the spring chill, waiting to start a day of labour.

She stares me down. I shrug.

“Follow,” she says, and heads towards the bridge. I immediately regret my attitude when I remember her conversation with Father yesterday. I won’t be able to snoop around and ask questions if she thinks I’m a rude, uncivilized city kid.

“Can I carry your lamp?” I offer. Damage control. Well, that, and she’s severely hunch-backed. The lamp must be weighing her down. She swings it to me without a word.

I bat Conrad’s hand away from the lamp and follow Miiko. Over my shoulder I hear him huff. “But the genie . . .”

Miiko leads us to the opposite bank and around her minka, where there is a large plot of flooded land. Rice seedlings poke from the murky water, clustered like wild grass.

“Remove your boots, children.”

“You want us to go in there?” I say, dreading the water's temperature.

“The seedlings will not pluck themselves.”

Oh, great. She’s a comedian. I set the lamp down on the edge of the field and discard my boots. Conrad is already stepping into the rice nursery, careful he doesn’t trample a single seedling.

“I suppose you have no experience,” Miiko says. It isn’t a question. The assumption irks me.

“I’ve read all about the cultivation of rice,” I say, hoping to catch her off guard. I need to impress her, otherwise I’ll never find out what she and Father were discussing. After stepping into the nursery and ignoring the frigid water, I grab the tips of some seedlings and pull. Half of them snap in my hands.

“Reading and doing are two different things,” Miiko says, triggering a rush of embarrassment throughout my body. “Watch your brother demonstrate.”

Conrad already has a wad of plucked seedlings in his hand. With the other, he gathers a new bunch at the root and very gently drags towards himself, easing them out of the soil and water. He joins the two clumps and pats the roots so they even up. Miiko passes him a band so he can tie the bunch and set it down.

Show off.

“I will wake the others,” Miiko says, dropping a white fabric bag. It contains more bands. Hundreds. I wonder how long she expects us to work, and if she will contribute herself. Then I realise her back issues might stem from a lifetime of farming rice. She’s dedicated her life to this, and probably doesn’t have much to show for it, other than being shaped like a boomerang.

#

Sure enough, within minutes we hear Miiko yelling others awake. I recall several minka houses along the road, and hope there are enough farmers to make the job go quicker.

Conrad and I have created a heap of seedling bunches. His are even, tidy. Mine are bigger. I can hold more seedlings in one hand before having to tie them off.

Occasionally I catch a shimmer through my shirt. When Conrad isn’t looking, I pull back my sleeve and smear wet soil over the symbols. There’s a momentary flash of blue, but by the time Conrad glances over his shoulder, I’ve returned to farming.

A soft spludge from behind. An elderly man ambles into the area we've cleared. My stomach drops—did he see the symbols? From the glow of the lamp, I notice his shabby clothing and tired face. His brown eyes are tinged with a sadness I’ve never seen before. I breathe a sigh of relief; he doesn’t look surprised, as if he’d seen something completely insane. That would be difficult to hide.

“Hello, my name is Henrik,” I say, voice even, cool. Nothing to see here.

The old man completely ignores me. He pulls some bands over his wrist and gets to work beside Conrad.

“Mr Tanaka does not speak,” says Miiko, halting at the field’s edge. I remember his gloomy expression and wonder the reason for his mutism.

Five others trail into the glow of the lamp. They immediately remove their footwear and enter the puddled field. They each look a similar age to Miiko, with clothes as worn down as Mr Tanaka’s. Their eyes even have the same aura of despair.

“That’s it?” I ask, looking around Miiko, expecting more people, children, anyone. “Where’s everyone else?”

“These are the farmers of Shinpi,” says Miiko, confused by my question. “Please resume your duties.”

Something isn’t adding up. There’s half a dozen minka houses other than our own, yet only as many farmers? Does anyone have a family? Children?

I catch Mr Tanaka peering at me, sullen eyes reflecting the yellow glow of the andon lamp.

Comments & reviews · 4
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User avatar
Atticus
Review

Hey there Zoom! Back to finish catching up on this book!

When Conrad isn’t looking, I pull back my sleeve and smear wet soil over the gleaming symbols on my forearm.

Wouldn't the soil run off, if it was that wet? It seems almost too convenient that the mud just perfectly sticks to his arm and is completely inconspicuous. (Also, this could be a good opportunity to mention Henrik's skin color, as I don't believe you have so far? I'm a huge proponent of inserting small details about characters during moments like these where it would be inconspicuous but still help the reader form a mental image of your characters.)

My boots are frozen.
Is it really that cold outside? The water isn't frozen though, is it? And if rice is the main crop being cultivated, that requires a warmer climate, correct?

It seems a little bit odd that all of the farmers are elderly. Doesn't this village have children, or at least people who are below the age of 70? There's no way this village remains sustainable if so; I assume these houses were built at least relatively recently, and it doesn't seem like the elderly would have enough strength to undergo such a rigorous task.

The assimilation of Henrik's family into this culture seems a little bit unusual. There's no welcome-to-the-neighborhood type thing, nothing to really get them accustomed to their work? The way they immediately blend in with the locals seems a bit conspicuous, especially considering that it's implied that these people have spent their entire lives, or at least 50 years, with each other. Strangers suddenly entering that dynamic must change that in some way, and that isn't addressed whatsoever.

That being said, however, I liked the way you painted an almost eerie picture of the early-morning tasks. The lantern seems realistic considering the way this village functions, although I think it would be worth mentioning Henrik's reaction to that. It seems, from what I understand of Henrik's character, that he would be an advocate for technology that makes these jobs easier, or it would at least cross his mind. This is a huge change for him, but that's not really addressed in this scene, and it leaves a gap where it feels like there should be more explanation and assimilation.

Other than those minor details, I like the way you're basing this story off of Asian culture while still giving it personality. This character shows us a bit of a different side of Henrik, more of the everyday responses to common things, like his brother pestering him and hard work. However, it doesn't really flow with the way you ended the last chapter. It ended on a mystic note that begged for an explanation, and then all of a sudden you threw the reader into a day-in-the-life-of-Henrik. The way your story jumps around makes it a bit incoherent, which is something to keep in mind when you begin to stitch your story together.

That's all I have to say about this installment, other than you've done a great job so far! I know from experience that it's not easy, but you're doing a fantastic job and I can't wait to read more! Off to the next chapter!

~MJTucker

User avatar
Lib
Comment

This is too good to be true. (Probably isn't true, but you know what I mean)

First of all, what does "genie" mean?
Second of all, Miiko seems mean.
Third of all, Mr Tanaka is creepy.
Fourth of all, where in the world did you think of all these names? (e.g:- Miiko, Tanaka, Conrad) I would never have thought of any of those. XD

Again, i cannot wait for the second half of Chapter 3. :D

I'm really enjoying this.

Keep on writing!

~Liberty500

Thanks Liberty!

A genie is the blue guy from Aladin lol that's the easiest way I can explain. He comes out of magic lamps and grants wishes. Conrad was just being silly haha.

I'm very happy with your reactions about the characters. Everything is going according to plan haha.

As for the names, Henrik and Conrad are both german names. I've heard them both before and they always stuck in my mind for some reason. As for all the other names, they are Japanese. I literally googled and chose one of the first ones I liked the sound of. I dont see names being that important in a first draft, so I just choose based on how they look on the page.

Thanks for your comments! ^_^

Oh!! Genies weren't on my mind at that time so I didn't know what it meant! (LOL, I'm so dumb)

Haha no worries, I might take that joke out tbh, I was very experimental with this section!

User avatar
Horisun
Review
Horisun wrote a review · Sun Jan 06, 2019 5:21 pm

This was really good, and I really enjoyed it. I like the characters. I actually didn't see much to point out. (You're making my job hard here! (: ) I know this is only part of the chapter, but it ended really suddenly, I kind of wish you ended somewhere different. Don't worry about that too much though.
This was a great read, and I can't wait to see more!
As always, keep writing, and have fun doing it!

Thank you so much ^_^ sorry about the unusual place to end off. There is actually a small time break between here and the next part and I had already cleared 1k words!

Thanks again

Its been great reading your work! Keep it up!

User avatar
trashykawa
Review

Hi!

Great job on this one. Though (and please don't be sad about this, it's just my opinion) the humor was a little bit....too dry? I mean i definitely smiled when conrad hugged Miiko, but none of them were 24-teeth-grin jokes, know what I mean? since that's what you tried to do here, it's the first issue i addressed. However, the mystery theme really works for this story, you know? so don't think that just because there isn't enough humor, the story's missing something, because its not. Just go with the flow.

i love where this story is going though, and i can't wait to read more. Like, thank god you're not the type of person who waits a week to post a new chapter, because hey, we'd be going bonkers by then (not that some of us already aren't).

And I didn't really take a magnifying glass to the tense issue this time, I just enjoyed the story you told, because hey, it was a damn good story. But i think i would have noticed if there was a glaring mistake, so it's safe to say that this one's error-free.

Great job, again. I'll wait for more.

^ _ ^

Thanks so much! Tbh Im SO happy you enjoyed the Conrad hugging Miiko part, I care way more about readers finding Conrad funny than Henrik. It was hit and miss with Henriks jokes but thats what first drafts are for haha I dont mind at all. Also what you said about the mystery compensating for little humour is comforting, I feel less need to force humour if people think that the mystery is enough

Thank you soo much ^_^

;) honestly conrad's my favorite character.



According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
— The Bee Movie