16+ Language Violence Mature Content

A Dungeon Boss's Journal Chapter 10

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.

Day 46

Yesterday…

Yesterday was...draining.

I woke up to an overly peppy Ash announcing a visitor to the dungeon, Gabi had apparently come at that princes request to guide me over to the enchanter gnome Michelle’s workshop. For the first time since I was born, I slept through an alert.

Ah...

I feel like I lost something.

After a few long minutes waking myself up I summoned a wolf and used [Guiding hand], leading the new wolf body over to Gabi.

“Yelp!” My wolf body yelped, suddenly jumping.

“Wha!” Gabi jumped back at the sudden noise. “What’s wrong?”

Just as I left the dungeon, Ash took advantage of my distraction and laid down on me.

Almost let go of my skill [Guiding Hand]...after that I decided to ignore her as best I can, refocusing on the wolf.

“Nothing.” I quickly wrote. “Just got distracted for a moment.”

“Oh…” Gabi muttered.

After a few minute walk through the town we finally returned to that odd house, the fleshy wall expanded to the point that it looked like an extra room.

A pulsing, and flesh colored one.

Once we finally reached the door and Gabi knocked a loud explosion went off. A childish voice yelling “Damn it!” and the sound of metal objects falling. After a few minutes of various banging noises the door was quickly yanked open.

“I said in four hours!” Michelle yelled before noticing my wolf form. “Oh, right today.” Unlike the day before, the gnome Michelle was mostly clean, perhaps because of my attempts to ignore the girl laying on me I focused a bit more on how this gnome looked.

Around four feet tall with proportions I’d expect on an adult human, an oversized and oddly round head, dark brown skin, sharp focused eyes, and bright purple hair that looked like it had been fried a bit too many times.

“Good morning.” I wrote, hesitating on what to call her, writing and scratching out the words ‘teacher’, ‘Michelle’, ‘Mich’, ‘Master’, ‘Gnome’, and ‘purple head’.

She actually chuckled reading my failed attempts to figure out what to call her. “Call me whatever you want, as for any sort of title...we’ll decide on that once I see your ‘home work’.” She waved us through the door.

“I was called to this cult wonderland of yours by Master William because he said he’d found me a potential apprentice.” She said, guiding us to the only clean spot, sitting down on the floor she pointed Gabi to a rickety chair. in what appeared to be a room made out of weapons and ripped up paper. The floor decorated in ash, and the roof burnt and braced with a hasty assortment of nails. “A bit of tradition you might not be aware of for enchanters is, once you reach master level like I have, your expected to pass on your experience to a talented apprentice.

Problem is [Mahdunt] is a country of blood thirsty savages, so anyone born with the potential is promptly taught how to swing a sword or throw a fireball like any other idiot. I’ve yet to find someone who can even draw a stick figure much less carve out an enchantment.”

“I’ve seen plenty of art.” I wrote.

“All scribbled in magic or modeled after the work of more civilized cultures I’m sure.” Michelle replied. “I’ve seen that cults ‘art’, it was all copied from my homelands architecture.

Point is. I need an apprentice, and even though you cheated with whatever broken skill you’re hoarding. You’re the best bet I have, assuming you can do more then copy the skill anyway.”

“What do you mean?” I wrote.

“Enchanting is an art form. Unlike other skills you and every other brainless class use, it requires careful hands, a sharp eye, and an even sharper mind!” Michelle pointed casually at Gabi. “Repetition, killing other brainless fighters, or summoning some beast to kill others like this tree hugger over here won’t get you very far. As I’m sure you noticed when trying out the skill for yourself.”

"Hey!" Gabi yelled, only to be ignored.

“Things kept exploding.” I wrote.

“Hm. Master William said you can warp things from that dungeon of yours. Let’s see your handiwork.” Michelle said, for a moment I thought I saw surprise in her eyes when I said ‘things kept exploding’. The surprise becoming more obvious when a small mound of broken swords and enchanting paper piled up at the wolves paws. She slowly stood up, walking over to the pile, shifting through the etched weapons and my various attempts at enchanting.

“Either you’re talented or that skill of yours is just unfair...” She muttered.

“So I did okay?” I wrote.

“Okay?!” She laughed. “My blind Nana could draw better runes then this, and these etchings look like they were done by a drunk ogre!” She lifted up one of the swords I blew up trying to force the skill charge on it. “But…you don’t get something like this without some potential. You need more then the skill to make a sword pop like this. You pass.”

She started digging through the pile of scrap and paper, her unprotected hands somehow unharmed by all the sharp shards. “Oh, I don’t have this one. Poorly drawn, but I can fix that.” She muttered, pocketing an enchantment paper I had tried to put [Double strike] on.

“Did she just-” Gabi said, before cutting herself off.

“Now then, where I’m from, if you have a parent, are a servant to someone rich, or have a teacher, you call them ‘Vencer’, anyone that guides you is as important as family, are family, might as well see me as a mom because of how important I’ll be.”

“I wasn’t born the traditional way, so I don’t have a mother. I think. Not sure how one would treat a mother.” I wrote.

“Doesn’t matter, treat me like you would a mother because by the time we’re done I’ll pretty much have been raising you anyway. So from now on, I’m your Vencer, and you’re going to learn to treat me like your damn mom or curb stomp your ungrateful ass. I don't care if you're strong like those adventurers.”

“But I don’t know how.” I wrote.

“Start learning.” She said in a surprisingly serious tone for such a childish voice.

After that my new...Vencer, weird word, started enchanting things in front of me again, this time explaining the process and made me copy her. First she picked up a paint brush, jar of ink, and two pieces of enchantment paper, one of them marked with the rune's she explained before, and one blank and then she started to hum with energy, the already marked paper glowing slightly. The mana in her body activating skill in that already drawn rune and she, without looking at the original, perfectly drew it. As odd as the shape was, and as complicated as it was, it came out perfectly, like she was painting a detailed landscape rather then copying the rune. After only a few seconds she stopped, washing off the brush and holding it up along with the original. 

"That was a mix of [Enchantment], and [Rune Copy]. As you could probably tell, I wasn't copying the original. What you probably couldn't tell was I was copying the skill itself. I looked inside and pulled out it's physical shape, it needs to be done perfectly, otherwise the rune will not work. Same thing you tried, and sucked at. A rune isn't a symbol of a skill, it is the skill, you can't make a mistake or it won't work, or it will spectacularly backfire." 

She repeated the process, this time talking as she did it. "I pull myself into my mana, relying on it rather then my senses." She said, her eyes closed yet still easily painting out the rune. "I am looking and feeling it, hearing it through my mana."

"Amazing." I wrote.

"Of course I'm amazing."  She said, finishing up her 5th copy in front of me. "Now I want you to try it, I want to see how you did it before." My Vencer replied, handing me the enchantment paper. It had my [Double strike], a skill she snatched from my pile before. 

'How'd she 'fix' it without me noticing?' I wondered. Either way I looked into the paper with [Rune Copy], while I couldn't see the shape, I could 'feel' it. From there I attempted to draw out the shape, something I had done with varying results before. After ten minutes of drawing I finally finished, showing her my work. 

"Hm." She muttered. "Shame your real body isn't here, but I still felt how you drew it, so good enough. In short, you're like a blind bat. This might function, but only barely." Vencer said. "Amazing for a amateur, but that's all the praise your getting."

After a few hours of drawing up runes, constantly criticized and told how I might see the runes rather then just feel them, even making fun of my drawing skills. I started to stabilize my lines, while I couldn't say i could see with the mana, I could figure out the rough shape of a skill much easier.

I started testing the etching process. Vencer refused to explain and show it to me like she did for the rune process, but I felt like I did a lot better then before.

They still blew up anything I tried to put them on, but she said I’d practice the actual etching process of enchantment when I can consistently put a rune to enchantment paper. At the end of the day it was agreed that I would visit to practice and polish my skills under her guidance early in the morning, several hours before people started charging into the dungeon.

Also...Gabi was entirely forgotten, and was almost left behind when my skill[Guiding Hand] was running out, so I’ll probably owe her later.

Ash kept touching me...

Day 47

After practicing my enchanting with...Vencer I got an alert.

“Warning, Two Level 25 Adventurers approaching.”

After looking through Morrígan’s vision using [Guiding Hand], I noticed it was Anna and Alex. Anna, the bright blue haired girl, dressed in thick steel armor, with two iron swords floating about her, and Alex, brown hair with blue streaks visible, partly covered by a well worn robe covering what looked like solid leather armor. In his hands was a long metal staff hammered into the shape of a tree branch. I couldn’t guess what the point is of a staff hammered like that, but it was softly glowing.

They charged the dungeon, ripping through the first level without stopping, the second only hitting a minor snag when I swarmed fire elementals on them. When they ran into Faye, they only took the smallest amount of damage, hardly showing off anything but basic skills. After that they were stopped for a full minute by Harley and Brook before cutting them down, hardly getting a scratch. Against Cerberus they used a skill that filled the room with light before killing the weakened shadow. Finally after only a short ten minute charge they stood at my thrones door step.

“Welcome back Anna, Alex.” I said, sitting on my throne. I was so engrossed in their fight, trying to figure out what new skills they have that I didn’t notice Ash had started using me for a bed, napping in my lap.

“Hi Zeno.” Alex muttered.

“Great rivals reunite in pitched battle! If you’re Zeno and Ash,stop flirting and fight me!” Anna yelled.

“Wait, I-” I tried explaining myself buta the two swords around her fired at me. I wrapped my arms quickly around Ash and used the skill [Shift], temporarily shifting myself and Ash out of reality, slipping through the swords and landing a few feet from the pair of siblings. After landing I let go of Ash, the girl choosing to roll between my legs before hiding behind me.

I suppose I shouldn’t have dropped an archer off a few feet from her targets…

Dang it. Can’t get distracted.

Before I could explain myself I saw Anna pull the swords she fired back at me, while running up with a personal sword of hers. Ash quickly took up some distance, calling up three bows, one she used with her hands, the other two she used with the four ribbon like arms she had in her back as a Krodh. There’s no way I could hope to take on three swords from so many angles with my usual mix of weapons so I pulled a pole arm from the armory. The long iron weapon appearing in my hand just as Anna got close to me, I blocked it with the point of the pole arm and quickly used [Vortex Slash] on the two swords she was trying to stab me in the back with, the two shifting just enough that I could block them as well.

“Ow.” I groaned, the feeling of three swords slamming into the same weapon made holding on as painful as breaking my fingers. “Can’t control them all that well yet?” I ask as I force myself to the side, preferring to not expose my back to her two extra swords.

“Only lame hero’s lecture about their powers while fighting!” Anna yelled. I heard a loud humming noise, so I decided to use [Shift], pulling away from Anna quickly. Where I was moments ago exploded. Rather then loose my new momentum, I used [Charge] to keep me going two times, changing directions twice as she attempted to use what ever skill she gained again. With my speed I then switched directions directly after her and charged Anna, attempting to spear her with my pole arm.

A glowing white shield appeared in front of Anna, my [Fourth Eye] showing me that Alex summoned it. My pole arm bent, curving in so much that it almost snapped before I forced a direction change with [Charge] deciding to attack Alex. I mentally sent a message to Ash to start firing on Anna. As quickly as I asked a wall of arrows started raining down on Anna, who seemed like she couldn’t move without getting hit. She decided to fire her swords at me after a moment of hesitation.

That moment was enough for me to close in on Alex, who I stabbed in the arm, the blade almost going through his arm entirely before he suddenly turned into a blue light Anna appearing in front of me, mid swing. I couldn’t get out of the way in time, her cut deep enough into my side to leave a massive gash. I remembered the skill she had before that allows her to switch places with a party member. I noticed Alex was now behind the shield he summoned before, holding onto the massive hole I cut through his arm. I directed Ash to start firing on Anna, telling her to not worry about hitting me. Rather then let that happen however, just as I sent that out and started trying to attack Anna, her two extra swords shot at Ash, forcing her to dodge. Anna clearly couldn’t control the floating swords all that precisely, but it was enough for Ash who lacked any sort of close combat skill that could go against those swords.

Thanks to my training she could avoid them, but she didn’t have any focus left to support me.

Training...that word feels wrong now.

Since Anna was on guard and Alex was healing himself, I decided to switch targets, if Alex is still alive, my logic being ‘the only way I’m beating Anna while Alex is around is a one hit kill, which is impossible at my level’. I quickly started spamming the skill [Shift], switching from the pole arm to a great sword I kept moving until I was on the verge of going blind before I aimed myself at Alex’s back, my form probably a massive blur to them at that point. I slammed down with that great sword like I did several days ago against those level 50’s. However at the last moment, he disappeared in a flash of blue light, Anna appearing in his place mid swing like she planned to take my attack head on.

As our swords met each other a massive explosion of sparks blinded me, and then I heard a scream as her sword flew into her, helping me cut the girl almost in half before the momentum died. Right before it stopped I called upon [Momentum] again, finishing the job, finally killing her. Not the intended target, but better result then I was hoping for.

I heard a ‘ding’ sound as the alert.

[Party Switch] learned.

As skill that with a bit of mp allows me to swap myself with any minion I have, since the skill seemed to think of my minions as party members. Useful.

I had assumed that as soon as Anna was down Alex would become easy prey. However at that moment I realized I didn’t know where Alex was. Even with the expanded vision [Fourth Eye] gave me, I couldn’t see him. Ash had also lost sight of him while trying to avoid getting stabbed by Anna’s swords.

It was at that moment I felt a blade enter my ribs. Alex was right in front of me. Somehow I had completely missed him like he had blended in with the environment of my dungeon perfectly. I quickly pulled the sword he had out, a ball of light from some skill launching off to my right, directly out of the swords tip, the light ball hitting a wall, melting it’s way through before fading. He’d intended to incarcerate me from the inside with that skill.

At that point I casually snapped his neck. It’s clear he got this skill recently, otherwise he would have used it when me and Anna were fighting, I would have been doomed if he did that when I was focused on the more visible target.

After an hour or so, when they both re-spawned, I had Ash meet them at the door, one of the few times she followed one of my orders willingly the last few days. After guiding them to my throne room she left for some reason.

I just don’t know what’s going on with my own minion anymore...

Since only the fourth princes adventurers had been charging in here for several days, I was surprised to see the siblings.

“Oh that?” Anna said when I asked the siblings. “Alex handled that. Ask him.”

“Then why did you even-” I muttered.

“Well we were in one of the dungeon towns nearby when Prince William was looking for adventurers. He was talking about how Greryune needed people to start up the towns economy and he was going to pay and support anyone who tried to move to this town who had some sort of skill. Adventurers, blacksmiths, and so on. Since we already knew the local dungeon boss, figured it was a good plan to accept. We...don’t really have anything you’d call a home anymore, and since he was paying...” Alex said.

“What have you two been up to though?” Ash interjected, walking over. After hesitating for a moment Anna started bragging about their exploits in various towns, how they had joined a guild called Hestia heart, a guild filled with people aiming to become ‘story book’ hero’s. How everyone wanted to be in their party because of how skilled they were. It was probably just because of Alex being one of the rare healers. Though I will admit Anna seems to be the only one who can keep up with me while around my stat level. That takes actual skill, rather then ‘skills’.

After a few hours talking they had to leave, but when I ask where they live, claiming I can visit them using one of my summons, so I found out they were living at the edge of town, in one of the few houses that had more then three rooms.

Ash kept leaning on me...

Day 48

After morning practice with Vencer, I decided to drag my wolf summoned body over to Alex and Anna’s home. The building, while bigger then Vencer’s, was more or less the same design, except without the flesh wall. Alex was sitting outside reading a book under the light of the morning sun, while Anna apparently had been sleeping.

I realized that I didn’t know where Gabi lived, and still owed her for almost abandoning her before, so I asked Alex if there was some way he could direct me to the fourth prince.

He didn’t so I gave up for now, figuring I can ask when one of them visited. Which would happen eventually. Anna was still asleep when I left.

The rest of the day was pretty normal, only time I was ever killed was when I was clearly outmatched stats wise.

Got the skill [HeadButt], which temporarily protects my head from up to 100 points of damage. I suppose I could use that for something.

Ash assaulted me in the bath again…

Drained.

Day 49

Finally. Brook and Harley reached level 100, when they did, like Ash they asked what I wanted them to turn into, however unlike Ash, or me, their options were pretty basic. After a few hours thinking about it.

Brook became an Ogre, a ten foot tall pile of muscle. I didn’t have an armor for anyone that size, so I tied down a bunch of metal chunks to him until he was at least properly covered. I gave him a massive axe that I had, and hopped he wouldn’t break it. After brook there was Harley, I had suggested in the end she pick a similar class, but as soon as she was about to, a new species unlocked. Zamrock, from the pictures I could find they are blue skinned women, often dressed in thick robes that hide everything but their soft, yet incredibly cold faces. Their eyes were pure black except for a thin ring of glowing red, and they seem to have hair that runs all the way to the floor. Behind them hang two glowing purple wisp of fire, like specters, thin lines of light linking them to the monsters back. They’re a species of magic monster who rely on those wisp to channel their magic, one of the few intelligent normal class monsters, that along with my own, went extinct long ago.

They were known to pick up all sorts of elemental magic, so it was obviously the perfect class for her. Somehow her species change actually came with the clothes I saw in the picture, convenient I suppose.

Once they ranked up I decided to take them on, one on one. Harley, seemed to still be adapting to her new appendages could hardly fight, but brook, even though I was well above him in level, was able to keep up with me, if only in terms of raw power.

It was actually fun to fight him, his battle instincts allowed him to avoid fatal damage for so long that by the time I finally killed him, the throne room was trashed. I normally train my minions without using skills, but now I finally had someone I could train with who might survive long enough when I do. Ash is powerful in her own right, but my tactics are too big a counter for her.

Day 50

Quest ‘From small beginnings’ has been updated.

Goal complete: Collect information.

New Goal: Kill David Lorenast

Reward: Summon skill ???

Who?

Comments & reviews · 3
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BluesClues
Review

“Yelp!” My wolf body yelped, suddenly jumping.


Nope. Nope, nope, nope. That's on par with

Aro laughed. "Ha ha ha," he giggled.


You can just tell us "my wolf body yelped," without including "Yelp!" ahead of time as dialogue. it's a really small thing but a thing that BUGS me, so I had to say something.

Although there's actually something else with this line, which is the "my wolf body yelped." So the narrator is in wolf form now, right? At least, I think *maybe* that's what happened. I'm not sure, since what is described immediately before is the narrator "summoning" a wolf and then guiding it to Gabi, so maybe it's more like a Sims sort of thing, except the narrator is controlling a wolf rather than a person?

Either way, "my wolf body" is weird phrasing. If it's a wolf the narrator is controlling, "my wolf" or "my wolf thrall" is probably better. If it's the narrator in the form of a wolf, "I yelped" is better.

Considering the narrator keeps "writing" their dialogue in the first section (with the wolf) but speaks later on (during the fight), I feel like they actually are in wolf form during that first bit.

Okay, so the narrator kills at least three people in this chapter.

Right before it stopped I called upon [Momentum] again, finishing the job, finally killing her. Not the intended target, but better result then I was hoping for.


At that point I casually snapped his neck. It’s clear he got this skill recently, otherwise he would have used it when me and Anna were fighting, I would have been doomed if he did that when I was focused on the more visible target.


It was actually fun to fight him, his battle instincts allowed him to avoid fatal damage for so long that by the time I finally killed him, the throne room was trashed. I normally train my minions without using skills, but now I finally had someone I could train with who might survive long enough when I do.


I mean, I get this is take on like video games or something that involves dungeon bosses, but. Well, as a story, with characters, I feel like there should be something there when the narrator kills someone. Unless the point is that these people don't stay dead but just sort of start their level over like in a game?

I don't play video games, never have, really, so maybe I just don't get it, but as a person reading a story, I wanted to see some sort of reaction. The narrator hardly seems like a hardened killer, and there must be some point to killing these people, but when it happens the narrator's just kind of like, "Great, that went better than I thought" and immediately moves on with life. And it's just sort of never touched on by anyone else.

Actually, I feel like this chapter is short on emotion overall. Vencer seems impatient and takes her work seriously, but I didn't get much from anyone else.

For example, the fight scenes again. Does the narrator get scared when they fight? Or feel an adrenaline rush? Or suddenly see everything clearly and calmly, like they might feel their nerves when they're still anticipating the battle but then the moment it starts they know just what to do?

I have a hard time connecting with the characters because I don't know much about how they feel or what they do or like beyond the training portrayed in the chapter. I think this would also add some of the tension Aley feels like is missing--although, I want to echo her point about not being sure what the main problem is. What's at stake, here? Yes, we haven't read earlier chapters, but there aren't even cryptic bits of dialogue hinting at something we might understand if we had. The best I can figure is the importance of the runes and learning to draw them--but then the rest of the chapter is eaten up with fighting, and the runes aren't mentioned again.

I'm not saying you have to have everything precisely planned out ahead of time, but if you know what the main conflict in the story is and roughly where it's going, that should color the chapters. If not everything, at least most things that happen should work to further the plot.

It's a day by day thing, everything is planned out exactly, the problem is, in reality the protagonist is as old as these days, build up spread across each day, just as it would be in reality. Every day outlining just how that gradually happens. A goal has been outlined, its just not going to be mentioned ever day, because that would be weird. Like super weird. You likely enjoy writing, thus you focus on developing it, however you don't spend every day thinking "I am going to be the best writer like no-one ever was" At the moment priority is getting strong enough to face those challenges. If this was a normal story the protagonist wouldn't be a little under a month old, and all the powering up would happen in summery, or happen suddenly. Just explaining, anyways thanks for your thoughts.

I'm not saying the goal should be mentioned every day like, "Here is my goal that I am going to keep working toward as I have been every day so far." I mean that it should be apparent that the character IS working toward a goal.

So like the part with the runes felt that way, because we learned that the character sucks at runes and needs to get better, plus we saw a new relationship formed with someone who can teach them how to do that. That seemed to drive the plot forward, whereas the fighting just kind of felt like random fighting.

Whereas the fighting in the next chapter, ending with the character wondering if they're too harsh, again felt like something that actually mattered to the plot, even though I don't know what the overall plot actually is because I didn't read the earlier chapters.

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Aley
Review
Aley wrote a review · Tue Sep 13, 2016 4:09 pm

Hey Zolen, here for a review.

First off, this is a really interesting perspective on something in every game, dungeon bosses. I really like that element of the story. I feel like what you do really well is describing the fights. I could see that happening in a game style, so I completely understood it when it came to that. I also like how you're describing the magic. It's a unique way to look at runes.

I think this style of writing has some faults with it however. It could just be because I'm not reading the first 9 chapters, or it could be because of a problem in the book. I'm not sure. I'm leaning towards the former. That being said, the problem I'm finding is that I don't always understand the general relationship of placement between some of these characters. For instance, you say Ash jumps on our speaker, but you don't have much of a description of ash in terms of paws, hands, or the stuff that makes someone sitting on someone else real, like hair getting stuck in your mouth, or elbows digging into legs. I feel like including more of this stuff would give people the ability to put the book down and come back to it, and understand exactly where and what is going on even if they don't quite remember so well.

Basically all it would include would be active descriptions in places with dialogue. Make the characters, in both places, do things that indicates their relationship to one another in space. That will give us a better setting for chapters where you don't have actual action.

Also, I feel like one of the things that this book is missing is tension. This is chapter 10, so, what's our problem? If we're supposed to be interested in the arts being learned, then do more with that. If we need to be alarmed because of the stronger players coming into the dungeon, or just happy to hear about this new perspective, then really push that. Right now, the book is interesting, but it feels like a lot of spectacle, and not a lot of content.

Again, that might just be because I skipped 1-9, so watch for that if you decide to edit this. Ask yourself what the end goal is, and whether these days actually advance towards the end goal or not. If they do, no problem. If they don't, then why are we getting a day by day?

I hope this helps in some way. I think your general writing style is pretty solid. You have a lot of adverbs that could be trimmed to make the sentences stronger, and places where you could include internal thought instead of this summary style of days, but considering the title, that might not be what you want to do.

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Lightsong
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*giggles*



Oh my my, cowboys vs aliens - someone note the time and date, this is a historical moment (August Review Day 2025)
— Roxanne