Your delicate blood splashed into his eyes
as he punched your angelic face into a daze.
He dragged your battered body across the floor; the rough floor bruising every inch of your silky skin.
You felt pain like you never felt before.
He stamped his savage foot on your stomach
but little did he know about the little one wailing inside of you.
You chose him because you weren't sure of yourself.
You didn't know know what you deserved.
He played you a romantic movie
but that music has turned violent.
The stench of your blood feeds him but suffocates you.
"I will leave him if I survive this ordeal".
But the question is;
will you survive this day?
Hello Ziziabok111.
This is a powerful poem, very evocative and touching as well.
I don't feel like you can change this poem to make it better, because its such a personal and raw poem. The language you use really hit me, and I hope you keep writing because this is a poem covers such a difficult topic and is done really, really well.
ABC123
Your poem well spoke about decision making and the intense feeling you empathize about the hurt women.I theatrically got the pictures in my head through your words.The question asked at the end made it very much clear that"KNOW WHAT YOU DESERVE"
Hello Ziziabok111, hope you don't mind if I leave your work a review. Also, welcome to YWS!
My first impression was startled... I assumed immediately your poem would be a macabre poetic tale about killings, serial killers, or such topics. But as I kept reading, my heart sank as I realized the topic was much more realistic and serious than I imagined. Also, ironic that you wrote this on a sunny day, but i suppose inspiration comes to us at interesting times.
My interpretation is that your poem is giving us a glimpse into the life of an abused woman. Her partner (husband, boyfriend, etc, unclear), is physically harming her in a very brutal way, and even unknowingly harming their unborn child, or her unborn child in general. She insists that she will leave eventually, but the poem brings to questions whether or not she will even survive the incident.
This seriously shocked, horrified, and touched me all in one. I've personally SEEN what happens to women who stay with their abusers, but to this degree, I was so horrified and even though this poem doesn't give us much time to get to know the woman, I felt my heart aching for her.
My only suggestions are connecting the first sentence with the rest, and separating the third sentence into two separate lines to help the flow. I don't have too much more to say, although I feel as though this was more of a story told in short lines than a poem. This was very well-written, however, and I hope to read more of your work soon!
Keep Writing,
-Katja
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