Published November 18, 2005
I am like the dunes in the deserts
Beneath the wind I shift and change,
I twist and turn, new dunes rise, old ones fall,
but in the end, it is still sand and nothing more.
I am both a demonslayer and a trickster of Humanity
I am Transcendant and I am Damned
I am loved and I am hated,
but in the end, I am a work of art not a mockery.
I dance on a lane made of silk and lace
on the fence between light and shadow
I am a coward and a hero.
I am an Apostle and a Doomsayer,
but in the end, I am a bringer and not a taker.
I wield power, and I watch it dissaper between my fingers.
I am a destroyer and a creator
I am a spawn and a child of the stars
but in the end, I am only Human, not a God.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,381 Literary Works • 674,386 Reviews
Drop all capitalisations in the poem until "God" and the effect will work better (well, use capitals for 'I', obviously).
Loved it. I only have a few criticisms in the last stanza:
You're good. The best newbie poet I've ever met, anyways. Keep it up!
I wield power, and I watch it dissaper between my fingers. << disappear
I am a destroyer and a creator
I am a spawn and a child of the stars << remove the word spawn. PLEASE. **shudders**
but in the end, I am only Human, not a God.
Bravissimo! Encore!
Yeah i agree, The first stanza is tres belle! And yes, take out those elipses(?) in the last line, they aren't necessary. For someone new at poetry, you're not too shabby! Better than me anyway, but i aint hard to beat
!
thx a bunch Matt. Im still a noob at poetry. lol
Loved the first stanza, great metaphor. I don't think the ... (there's a word for that, but it escapes me at the moment) was needed in the last line or the last line in the first stanza. Even so, "but in the end, it is still sand and nothing more..." is definitely my favourite line. Good work.