z

Young Writers Society



Goranol's chosen: Chapter 2

by Zion


This is the end of chapter one and the beggining of chapter two. Btw, I think its too early for a death scene. What say you?

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The campsite where Yunero had his last roasted deer. Eclo didn’t seem to bother too much with the situation. Maybe he was just glad that he finally found sanctuary.

-Come to think of it, where are you people headed to?-Eclo asked reaching for an apple in his backpack.

-To the city of Mara. -Korvan replied, taking out his spellbook preparing for the afternoon prayers.

-Who’s the kid?-he asked taking a bite from the blood-red apple.

-We are on a mission to the city. That’s all you need to know my friend.-Star replied, stretching a smile on her serene face, laying on the green meadow. Eclo came to her looking down her face, blocking the sun with his head.

-Fine by me.-Eclo replied taking another bite from the apple-Just being curios that’s all.

-Tell me Eclo…-Star asked with amazement-What kind of people are the Tao-Maj? -Eclo sighed, his face going sad.

-We are hunted, dear Star. We are hated by the Humans because of our tainted blood.

-But, what happened?-she asked again.

-During the end of the Blood Wars as you may know, a human wizard, Eric I think was his name, in order to finish the bloodshed as soon as possible, devised a plan of summoning armies from beyond this plane of existence.-he said shifting his gaze towards the distant ocean, glooming far away from them. The gentle breeze was waving his hair in the afternoon sun, it was like, nature itself wanted to hear the story-He wanted to summon elemental armies, soldiers of pure fire, earth, air and water. Armies that would ensure the victory of Humanity over the legions of Sarcesh. Sadly, the spell failed, it was just way to powerful even for a today’s Archmage. Of course the spell backfired, and a huge rift opened engulfing the world, sending it through a journey through the plains.-All the time Star watched him, her elven ears trying to catch every single word that was coming out of his mouth. Korvan was listening as well, praying and weeping for the lost souls.-Nature it self went mad. Over here was raining, and two paces away it was snowing. The skies darkened, or went very bright, some could even see the inhabitants of the plains above them, rushing through the skies above. Even cities that it seemed like, they were build downwards. Spirits and creatures fell from above, thousands; many of them dwindled in the blood of Humans mostly, as they were the youngest race. But even the Elves and the Dwarves suffered as well. Hellish screams and devils were heard deep within the Dwarven mines, the trees bled, even strange arms and legs started to grown onto them. Forests that were standing tall for hundreds of years were disintegrated, literally. Many of the races of Man were courted, their blood went unpure. They became Plain-touched, such as us, but instead of the hellish Yaka Ha’lli, or the Nui, we were touched by nature. Of course Humanity feared us, and they banished us from our homes. We had nowhere to go so we sought for help among the Lycan races. They accepted us among their cave homes, and taught us on how to survive these new laws. We became warriors of nature, Tao-Maj, swift as the winds, magical as the elven soul, as I said, Tao-Maj.-he stretched a smile, looking down again towards Star-You know the rest my dear. Want some?-he leaned his apple towards her-She took the apple in her gentle hand.

-Thank you Eclo. That was really…nice.-she didn’t know how to respond, fearing that she might offend him.

-Oh, don’t worry. Say whatever you mean. It’s best to listen to your heart, whatever the situation Star. I learned this lesson well.-he came down to her, and took her arms in his-I have passed my entire in dungeons and gurads posts. And look at me. I’m still cheerful.-he smiled again gazing deeply in her hazel eyes.

-Ha ha! I have been through the same, don’t worry. I had my own nightmares as well, and I’m still cheerful.

-Really?-he was confused-What happened?

-Err…some other time, please this is not…-she looked down, confused and scared.

-People I don’t want to disturb your touching conversation, but we have company.-Korvan said.

-What?!-Star turned, and she jolted when she saw that a band of goblins surrounded them.

-Hehehe…-a goblin came forward what seemed to be their leader. He grinned at the confused party, his dark-yellow fangs dripping with seliva. Obviously he was not a pure-blood goblin. The short staff in his hands replaced his missing leg, tiny sculls clinged on the top of it, defiling the purity that was the sun. Dressed in black leather he came in front of Star, pulling out his rusted dagger, dried blood scarring it-Good day lovely lady, may I ask what do you seek on my territory?

-Korvan…a little help here…-she replied her voice trembling drenched in fear.

-I assure you sir, we are only passing. We will be gone by tomorrow.-Eclo steped forth landing his hand the goblin’s forearm. He was surpried by this sudden movement and smirked towards Eclo. His sibblings immidatly jumped with their lances on Eclo’s neck.

-You are quite brave, sir, hehehe…-the goblin replied, his breath spreading an uneasy smell the one of rotten meat-I may be old, but I still have power. If you would be so kind to give me your treasures and this lovely slave of yours, we might consider sparing your pittiful sun-lit lifves.

-I am not a slave!-Star shouted, in the same second a globe of arcane matter formed in her arm and slammed the old goblin with such force that he fell four paces away from her, faling on a few goblins, a spear thrusting his left shoulder.

-Star what…-Korvan rushed to her, her eyes filled with tears.

-Kill them! I want her head!-the old goblin said, blood dripping on the ground, blackening the green sweet meadow. With the other arm he grabbed his staff and baerly ripped off one of the tiny skulls with his dreadful maw. I the mean time, the several goblins charged Eclo, Korvan and Star. Korvan ripped a page from his spellbook and slammed it on the forehead on one of the goblins:

-Estro Goranol…-he wispered. The goblin went berserk and broke the spear with his arms, his mouth started to foam and with his claws he turned against his brethern. Eclo phased in his etheral form and swirled among two goblins. The confusement grew as the spirited Eclo entered inside the body through the nostrlis of one of them. He fell on the ground, turning and screaming, as Eclo work his way inside his body.

Star wispered softly in elvish and a staff engraved with golden elven runes materialized in her arms. She fought her way to the half-dead sorcerer, sparkles, fire and magic streaking among the foolish goblins, their rusted lances broke easily on the chaotic magic that ran wildly amongst them. The old goblin spitted the skull right before Star hit him with her staff, and green fumes streaked out of the empty eyeholes, enveloping her body. She stoped in fear watching her clothes slowly wither, her body rapidly aging her life force drained and transferred to the laughing goblin.

-Foolish little elf. Im no mere sorcerer. Im a Kara’gh!-he shouted his youth and strength ragaining quckly, as Star fell on the ground; Her legs couldn’t hold her any longer. Her hair turned white as snow, and she could baely wisper:

-Korvan help me…-Korvan lost in the tides of battle turned around to see Star, old and bitter, her bones pressed upon her withered skin.

-NO!-he jumped out of the ending fight and slammed the Kara’gh with his spellbook, when he saw Star’s body realising its soul. He fell on the ground, unconscious. The link was broken. He turned into an aged goblin again but Star’s force withered out of him into nothingness. A minute later, he opened his eyes murmuring something on the foul goblin tongue and grabbed his staff. He swinged it towards Korvan, but he was stoped by an unseen force. Then he realized he was floating in the air, silver streaks seemed to chain him, turning him virtually powerless.

-What kind of magic is this sun-walker. Speak! Or my goblins will…No…-the battle was over. The corpses of his sibblings were laiyng on the meadows benath him. Their blood encircled the old sorcerer, black almost as the void itself, poisoning the land of the setting sun.

-Im a cleric of Goranol, wretched scum. You killed her!

-Hehehe…*cough* It seems I am not as powerful as I used to be. You’re lucky I’m old.

-It makes no diffrence fool. Rejuvinate her body again and face the judgement of my God.

-Hahaha! I will…I will don’t worry. He closed his eyes. Winds of fury began to blow around, as spirits of the land formed around her, they enveoped her gently and she was young and beautiful again. He opened his eyes again his maw grinning.

-Now prepare…

-To face the judgement of a dead God?! Hahaaa!-his voice boomed around them, almost as if all of his powers exploded out of his body. In the same moment he was dead.

-No…-Eclo wispered glancing at Korvan almost as if he was afraid to see the expresion on is face. Korvan was stunned. The goblin was right. He was no mere sorcerer.

-You imbred scum! How dare you! How did you knew!-he passed swiftly with his arm in the air, and the streaks vanished, the lifeless corpse of the sorcerer fell in the pool of black blood beneath him. He came to Eclo and grabbed him on his shoulders shouting and crying-Why Eclo? Please tell me why…-poor Eclo didn’t knew what to do, just gave him a friendly hug.

-Don’t worry. You will find out. Star will not be dead for much longer as well. Let’s hurry, friend.-when he said those words a feeling of sorrow struck him seeing the lifeless body of his elf companion. It was as if Korvan was his friend his entire life-Come on, lets do it. He came to her and opened her eyelids. He touched her forearm, and then turned back towards Korvan:

-She is almost dead. Korvan, do you possess healing powers?

-Of course.- he said quietly. He came to her, joined his arms, one a top of the other, and placed them on her chest. Her heart was slowly beating. Then it stoped.

-No my dear…-Eclo jolted on his feet.

-Don’t worry Eclo, I think I will be able to revive her again.-He came to the slumbering child, tugged in Star’s backpack, its small body baerly larger than a spellbook. Korvan took a thread of hair from the baby. He pulled out a flask from the backpack, then turned towards Eclo:

-I can feel her spirit Korvan, its still here, hurry.-Eclo said streching a smile on his sweaty face.

-Eclo, can you materialize some of your powers?-Korvan asked him seriously raising an eyebrow.

-I…I think I can. Just give me a moment.-Eclo pulled out his dagger, and ran it on his paw. The wound flashed exposing his light-violet blood. A few drops of this strange blood fell in the flask mixing with the thread of hair.

-Hold this please…-Korvan landed the glowing flask in Eclo’s right hand. He streched his arms in front of him and strated to turn around-Where are you spirit? He thought.-then in his mind he saw a strange mist floating away from Star’s body. Return to me spirit… The strange mist came in front of him and enveloped his body. Korvan turned his right hand upwards; the mist concentrated on it. Then he pointed with it towards the glowing flask. Eclo just stood there, he could not see anything, he just felt the presence of a spirit, coming closer to him. The mist phazed inside the flask, and the liquid started to bubble. Korvan then opened his eyes and ran towards Eclo- Quickly, give it to me.- Eclo placed the flask in Korvan’s hands. He looked down towards Star, her beautiful elven figure streeched before him. As Korvan poured the liquid inside her mouth, Eclo felt another thing.

-By the grace of Goranol I command you to rise again Star Goldleaf!- Korvan shouted his words of power booming in Eclo’s ears. Finnaly Korvan was acting like a real cleric. Star’s body gently lifted from the ground, a breeze softly passing through the meadows. Then a serene quiet song hummed in the wind, golden leaves and sparkles flew around her, embracing her.

-It’s Enumielle. Demi-godess among her kin. –Korvan wispered to Eclo- It is said that only by her power elven clerics can ressurect their brehtern. A guardian of the elven souls.

-Wow…-Eclo was in awe, watching the leaves and sparkles dancing around her body slowly bringing her to life. The sweet song grew louder and louder, and landed herself on the ground. Mists danced around her, as she slowly opened her eyes.

2

Meanwhile, at the base of the Hollowed mountains:

-Another job well done, eh Orem?-the little halfling said, standing on the shoulder of a mountain giant.

-Oh you know I don’t like trading with Frost Elves Jim, they never have a sense of humor.-the giant replied his long brown hair and beard waving strongly in the sharp cold wind.

-Whatever Orem, buisness is buisness.-the halfling replied gathering some snow from the shouler of the giant, made a snowball and threw it on his big red nose.

-Hey watch it!-the giant jolted removing the snow from his face.

-You had a fly on your nose, I thought it bothered you.-the halfling giggled.

-A fly in the middle of a snowstorm? That will be the day.-the giant said laughing.

-Hey it was a frost mosquito.-the halfling replied jumping from the shoulder of the giant, landing in the deep snow below. His cape fell down and exposed his light-brown hair. He was a mountain halfling, a merchant, together with his giant friend Oram, they are merchants well known, not for their skills in haggle or material wealth, but for thir combination. They bond was strong, Oram was more like a brother to Jim. It was not very unusual for Mountain Halflings and Giants to work together but, these were like brothers.

-Hahaha! A good one Jim!-the giant laughed even harder, his voice booming in the base of the great mountains-We must rest soon, the sun is setting.-he said quietly gazing at the few rays that pierced the dense clouds ahead-The storm will grow stronger, if we at least don’t rest I will starve and then I will have to eat you Jim.

-I sincerely doubt it Oram. I mean, look at me, I have more hair on my feet and head, than meat on my bones.

-You ware boots Jim. You don’t have hair on your feet remember?-Oram said bending down, ruffling his paw through Jim’s hair.

-Hmpf!-he smirked-Whatever! Let’s find a cave or something, I think ice cikcles are hanging from my nostrils.

-They sure do Jim.- Oram replied standing on his feet again, his enormous figure, his large brown eyes scouting for a cave or two-Over there!-he pointed-Lets go.

-Ah, I can feel the warm fire right now…-Jim said a sigh of relief passed through his small body. Fifteen minutes later:

-Do you think I will fit in?-the giant asked standing in front of the cave that was almost

twice smaller than him.

-Oh you’ll be fine, just hunch as usual.-Jim replied searching for something in his stash.

-I hate doing this.-Oram said, landing on his knees groveling inside the cave. Inside it was very large, even dissent enough for Oram. He was happy you know, not always he could enjoy in the warmth of the fire in a sitting position. The halfling came right after him, with twigs in his arms. He threw them on the ground and took a small fire gem from his stash. He threw in the pile of wood, and bright light bursted out of the twigs. In the moment there was a warm red fire, streaking out of the pile of wood.

The fire gem was acting like a lighter, even if the fire went out, you can still use it as a

Igniter. Crafted by the mountain halflings used mostly to warm their seemingly endless gardens in the Snowsong mountains. Its very hard to find any souce of fire up there. Even though there are many trees and such, the fire will extinguish from the woods themselves. That’s why in its entire history, it was never recored a forest fire in the Snowsong Mountains. Even during the Blood Wars, the woods of Snowsong stood tall, as and today.

-Ah…warm fire…- Oram said in relief streching his arms towards the small fire dancing in the pile of wood.

-Lets see who’s next on the list…-Jim said again searching in his backpack. Finally, he took out a scroll and a quill- The Elfsong Shop…-he murmured underlining the name with what ink has left inside the quill.

-Who’s next?-Oram asked scrubbing hs hands together.

-Yocatan Tavern in Uldaran. Oh no…-Jim said frowing.

-The silly warlocks again?- Oram said chuckling.

-I dislike warlocks Oram. They creep me out with their poisonus fumes, and skulls and…I think im gonna throw up.-he said grasping his mouth, running outside the cave. Oram grinned. While he was waiting for his friend, Oram took out some frozen meat and fruits out of his stash. It was not much at least for a giant, for a halfing that would be a months supply of food. He threw the meat in the fire as well as the fruits. He was not much of a cook, but he new how to survive in the cold harsh conditions in the great mountains.

-That’s much better, I hope I will live to see their faces, much less thier odors.-Jim smirked landing on the bedroll by the fire. He turned towards Oram-Do you think there will be more amidst this adventure of ours?

-What do you mean?-Oram asked not shifintg his gaze of the food that’s seemed to warm up quickly.

-When we became freelance traders three years ago, I thought it would be more of adventre than trading.

-I like it this way. We get to see the world, meet new people, trading with artifacts.

-Yeah, but when I give away a artifact, it’s like I give a part away from my soul. Its not that we killed a dragon or stole his treasure, I’ve meant that we will be real adventureres. You know, protecting the innocent, battleing evil, stuff like that.

-If that is so than why did you came in the Trading league? Why didn’t you go to a Arcane Acadamy or a Battle University?-Oram asked taking the food away from the fire placing it on a large steel bowl.

-I don’t know, its in my blood I guess. My dad was an adventurer, infact a brave fighter, my mom was a druidess, and I? Im a Freelance trader. I trade artifacts, and other valuable goods. Man, I sounded like a commercial poster hung up on a city square or a tavern.-Jim grinned. The giant bursted laughing, his hard voice echoing in the cave. After that they both had their meals and without exchanging a word they went to sleep.

Something was troubling Jim, his intuition kept telling him that something is wrong.He had that feeling for a few days now. Something bad will happen in that village. It was not his usual fear from warlocks and voodoo priests, but something else. Something evil. His mind trailed off and finally he was asleep as well.

-Jim, Jim, wake up Jim…-Oram wispered in his tiny ear.

-Er, what, whats the matter?-Jim jmped from his bedroll still drousy.

-Its time to go Jim, we must be there by afternoon.

-Oh, oh yes of course.-he stood up, streching his arms, and went outside. In the meantime Oram was sculking around the cave. The snow storm has stopped and the morning sun penetrated through the branches bended from the snow. The rays fell against the snow, making it a wonderous site.

-Lets see if we have everything…Bedrolls?- Jim turned around. They were in his backapck.

-Check.

-Backpacks? Check.-Oram confirmed smiling-Firegem?

-Oh wait I forgot it!-Jim rushed to the ashes and took the blood red ruby.

-The goods?-Oram asked brushing off his smile. Jim seached through his backpak and took out a silver diadem and a pouch filled with herbs.

-Ah…the Northen Star…isn’t she beautiful?-Jim gazed in the delicate diadem, glittering in the morning sun.

-Give me those herbs, let me see if they are in a good condition.-Oram took the leather pouch from Jim’s hands. He opened it and took a sniff.

-Yuck! I can’t belive it! - Oram said biterlly.

-Why whats the matter? -Jim still gazed the diadem.

-They are still fine! I can’t wait to get rid of them!

-Yeah, I still can’t understand why we had to bargain with that bunch of goblins for something that smells like cat poop and puke.

-Five thousand gold pieces for this… You’re right about hating warlocks. I guess I should start that myself.

-Ha! I told you those old fools had inhaled way too much poison mushrooms to smell their own odor as well.

-Whatever. Lets go, the sun is going up.-Oram said looking in the sun. He landed his hand on the ground so Jim could climb on his back. Jim easly looped from Oram’s palm up his arm and on his usual seat on the right shoulder. The sky was crystal blue and the sun shone down the valley of the Hollowed mountain. There was snow as fer as they can see.

Uldaran was a day’s travel on foot but they can cut their way if they catch the caravan’s on the main roads thatlead to the Elenian Gateway. But since Oram is a giant, they can’t ride the caravan right? So they had to compensate. Oram has to go as fast as he can. Not to run he will bring down the entire forest.

-There will be no resting Jim, is that clear?- Oram told him with serious face- We must be there precisly on time or the deal is dead.

-Fair enough Oram.

And so they went. The road to Uldaran was a safe one. Even thouh mostly warlocks and witches lived there, the woods were safe, at least during the day. By the way wouldn’t the roads be much safer if you have a giant as a companion? The trees of the the Uldaran woods were tall and quite dense. Hills streched far and wide, there was virtually no civilization nearby. The Twilight Mountain gloomed from afar, dark and forbidding even during the daylight. Its eerie shadows and mists orbiting the montain, strange and grotesque figures streaked from its top, like some vile claws. That was Lycan teritorry. Noone dared to venture too close to the mountain of the were-races, not even the boldest of adventurers. The village had no relations or what so ever with the Lycans. Many belive that warlocks and Lycans share the same kin. No matter, the colorful duo went forward, through the woods not sure of their fate.

-At least for now.-a faint voice wispered behind them. A dark figure, tall and slim stood atop one of the trees, so quiet that Jim and Oram were not even aware of its existence.

-Do you think they will help?-a gentle female voice joined the dark figure.

-I hope so my dear, I hope so. At least for destiny’s sake they must, wheter they like it or not.

-Humanity is falling apart, suerly you must know that.-the female wispered again, watchig at them, slolwy dissapereing in the dense forest, Oram’s head above the woods, like a sentry scouting the forest.

-I do. It pains me every day. If the prophecy is fulfilled a new line of kings will reign over the Man-kin. A beacon of salvation.

-But their God is dead, the will…

-No.-the male figure interupted her- Their other Gods will take care of them, at least while He comes. She will know.

-Star? She is an Elf. Elves don’t care much for them anyway.

-Oh they do.-he said with a calm voice-More than you know. She also has a destiny to fulfill.

-What about Eclo?-she asked again.

-His kin is new to the Realms. He will weave his own destiny. Whether good or evil, he will face many obstacles.

-There will be more allies.

-But tenfold more enemies. Archanon’s real fate is yet to come. Not today or tomorrow, not the next year, but when the time is right.-the female seemed to weep.

-So is the will of the Gods my dear, don’t cry. Behind every of their actions there is a cause. - he said to her and they vanished in the thin air.

The wind blew through their hairs, the sweet smell of the coming spring embraced them they havent felt clean air for a long time. It was nice to see the forests now and then. The cities are just too crowded, and the citizens always give a weird look when they see a giant walking down to city sqare.

-Oram, do you plan to go west some day soon? - Jim asked looking in the direction of the village.

-I go where the wind blows me Jim.-Oram said smiling.

-Oram you are not a hero you are a merchant you silly giant.

-I was joking- Oram streched a smile on his bearded face- I plan to. I hope we will have some deal or business among the Elenians.

-Why? –Jim asked rasing his eyebrow.

-Don’t know. I just feel like going there. I want to see some civilization, tavern brawl, roasted meat. I can imagine it know: The deer roasting on the fireplace, adventurers, merchants, mages from afar, drinking ale, bards singing songs of great deeds, the tavern wenches busy and picky as always, then someone will just get too drunk and will tell a nearby Orc how much make up was needed to cover the ugly face of his mother, and a fight will start. Then the innkeeper will come shouting and will throw them out where the fight will continue on…ah…the good ol’ days.

-Ha!-Jim smirked- You always dreamed too much for a giant, you know that?-Jim said taping him on his head. He took an apple from the passing tree and gave it to Oram. Then he took another-Yeah, my curiosity takes the best of me as usual.-he said taking a bite from the apple- I am anxious to see the capital of the Elenian empire. Some even say that the streets are paved of gold.

-Acctually the statues are.-Oram said eyeing the tiny apple in his hand-I’ve been there for two weeks.

-By the Gods!-Jim jolted almost falling out off his shoulder-Whats it like?

-Truth to be told, its not who knows how much spectacular. Velesh is way better then Elle Terath. But the city square is magnificent. There are three marble statues on three great columns going up in the sky. A warrior, a mage and a priest.

-The entire statues are made of pure gold?-Jim gasped.

-No, their waepons, capes, armour are made of gold, and their eyes are made from jewels taken from the best mines in the Scaraabian Dynasty. Their hair and beard are made from silksteel, a metal soft and graceful as the silk, but hard and resilient as iron, so they can wave in the wind like real hair. Even the spellbooks of the mage and the priest are made from marble and the pages inside are made from mithril leaves. As titans they tower the city square in aw of evey citizen or just someone that passes by. A true architectural marvel.

-Wow Oram, that sounds amazing…-Jim’s eyes widened-How do you know that much?

-I basicly made them.-Oram smiled swirling his mustache.

-WHAT?!-Jim shouted.

-Well, acctually I brought the material I mentioned. It took a long time but it paid off very well. I personally went all the way in the deserts of the Scaraabs to take the jewels, even inside the caves of Drin Mora, the capital of the dwarves for the mithril leaves.

-And the silksteel?

-I can say that it was my idea. The architect, a dwarf from Astraion, thought that something was missing, so I sugested that. Did I mentioned that the sword of the warrior is made from electrum as well?

-Curse you Oram now you sparked my curiosity even more.-Jim smiled.

-Hehehe….sometimes we Giants deserve to show off as well. What, only Dwarves and Gnomes can craft wonderours statues and machines? Wait till you see my underground basement back in my village. I have enough golems to storm the caves of those accursed Xarim.-Oram spat on the gorund, so did Jim, all in the “name” of the Xarim.

The world somehow grown used to the Drow, but the Xarim are just immpossible to deal with. They are worse than Goblins.

-Oram you never told me these stuff. Damn you!-Jim laughed.

-You never asked you silly halfling. Hey look! - he pointed out with his right hand. Not far from them four columns of smoke streaked out towards the blue sky. The village was ahead of them. The exotic fumes touched thrir nostrils as they were coming closer and closer. Small cottages started to apper from the woods, until they could see the entire village. The central area was crowded with people.

Uldaran was not who knows how much. A small quite village near the Hollowed Mountain. Even though many witches, warlocks and even druids live here, there was not much fighting for riches and power around here, even though almost anyone would expect druids summoning the power of the forest and a stampede to smash the house of his warlock neighbour, but everyone was kind to each other, even though they had many diffrences. It was an independent vilage, meaning that it lived on its own, no kings or kingdoms had control over it, only the old witch Perah, that ruled in a way the village for over a hundred years. Uldaran was known for his secret realtions and secrets of the Twilight Mountain, which was a four days journey south-west from the village, so quite a many adventures were skuling around the village to learn a thing or two. Also Amras Blustone lived in Uldaran, the famous bard. He came from the Hollowed Mountain down in the village to live among the Humans and the few Scaraabs and Gnomes.

-Look a fair!-Jim laughed, pointing towards the carriges and the many people that skulked around the few colorful tents like bees on a honey. When they came in front of the eight foot tall wooden wall and the gates two guards in chain mail came in front of them. The symbol of the Elenian Empire, the yellow crown with the two headed eagle behind it, was engraved on their iron shields.

-Hold!-on of them shouted. The rays fall upon his face against the iron helmet. It was very warm this day, even though it was the middle of october and the guard already had quite of a thin temper, his face drenched in sweat and messy hair that fell on his shoulders.

-Good day gentlemen.-Jim said. He jumped on the green land below and took off his cape- I am Jim Goldpeak.-he said with a deep bow.

-Whats your business in Uldaran?-the gurad said his gaze shifting towards the twering giant that smirked at him.

-And who’s your friend?-the other one said pointing with his shimmering sword towards the giant.

-We are merchants Snowsong Mountain, we have some goods for trade.-he said opening his bag to show him the goods. The curious guard looked inside at shrugged in discust.

-By Goranol’s grace what’s that smell? Urgh…Whatever, your name, sir?-the guard smirke back at the giant.

-Oram Bloodcave…-he said with a mencaing look.

-Stephan, its them, the ones if told you about!-the guard turned back to the one that stoped them. Oram looked at Jim who was already grinning. He took the back from him, and placed it in his stash.

-The Coin Duo? Of course I remember, the joyful halfling that menaged to fool a giant to follow him around the…-he gasped. He already realised his mistake. The other one turned around slowly to see the giant furious his sharp teeth showing, almost fume was about to come out of his ears.

-You were saying?-Oram said through his teeth- He’s me colleague, ye stupid snivering pukes! - Then he started cursing on Kataer, the language of the mountain.

-Gentlemen, please just let us in OK?-Jim said still grinning.

-Of course, of course.-Stephan opened the gates of Uldaran-Have a pleasnet stay…-Oram hesitated inside filled with rage.

-Er…pleasure to meet you?-Jim said confused and ran after Oram.

-You fool I told you not to tell them that…-the other guard said closing the gates behind them.

-So…this is Uldaran eh Oram? -Jim said in order to calm the situation. The same memory came to him again:

Oram was about to starve to death if it wasn’t for Jim to find him. He was one of the caretakers of the gardens when one morning he dared to go outside the warm and green adobe just out of curiosity , in the winter storm that never stoped at this altitude. He regreted it very soon, even though he was well dressed for the condition he still wasn’t used to that much cold. But just when he was about to go past the garden gates again, he heard a moan, not too afar from him. He turned around, but there was nothing.You can only see your finger in front of your face in that storm. Only the wind, he thought. But then he heard it again, more clearly now. He went in the direction of the sound, and after a few paces he slammed in a wall and fell in the deep snow. When he rose again he saw another peak of the mountain in front of him, and on his right there was a cave, large, and deep by the looks of it. He went inside not sure of what was about to happen. He heard the moan again, and now he jolted, and fell on the ice. It was not his first time to go out in a snow storm, but it was first time to go out in the middle of January. Who’s there? He said, and heard nothing but his own echo. Not far from him, a faint smudge emerged in the darkness. Something big was turning around violently. Is is an Ice Drake? Or far worse >gulp< a death wyrm? His mind was screaming with thoughts, both good and bad. He stood there, stiffened, questioning himself why did he left his warm sweet home and the roasted chicken. Then a giant palm streaked out of the darkness and grabbed him. From the darkness emerged a giant, with messy hair and beard. He growled at him and like a small pebel tossed him outside, landing on the snow. The giant retreated back in the darkness, grunting. From the murmurs Jim understood food and days.

-Jim!-Oram growled at him still mad from the entire scenario.

-Huh? My mind trailed off, sorry…-he looked in front of them.

The village square was crowded with people. In the middle there were a few colorful carriges, and a large tent, with blue and white stripes. There were some gnomes skulking around, dancing, and performing feats of magic to gather the crowds. There were some stalls selling trinkets, exotic fruits and vegetables, and alchemy aparatures. There were some warlocks and druids around, easily recognised by their staves and black and green robes, dabbling with the gnome merchants, trying to decypher the right price. In the middle sitting right next to a small fountain was an old warlock. His green gown was emblemed with balck and gold stripes, a large diadem of twigs and branches was resting on his head. His long white beard was almost touching the ground itself. He would be mistaken for a druid if not for his smirking face, and the insignia he had in the form of a disc placed on the top of a staff. A green oak, with two ravens hovering ahead. The symbol of the Uldaran witch grove.

-Do you think it might be him?- Oram asked glaring at the old man. Jim leaped onto his right shoulder, as the curios crowd glanced at the Hill Giant standing next to them.

You don’t usually see Giants around here nowadays. Not since the Lycans invaded Twilight Mountain, the Giants scattered around the world.

-Yes its him alright.-Jim smirked-Why couldn’t be a young beautiful witch with waist length hair like the ones in Windless Hills? Im tired of these old people.

-Lets just give him the stuff ok? I think im going to throw up if I smell it again.-Oram streched a smile on his bearded face, and took the pouch with the herbs. He started walking towards him, most of the time looking down, trying not to step on some Gnome clown or a ravaging child. Those five minutes seemed to last forever. Right before they came Jim slided down Oram’s hand and took the pouch from his hands.

-My friend, sometimes you are just too slow.-he smirked as he came in frond of the old warlock and took a bow- Warlock Qima I presume?-he said taking off his cape. He placed it on the CHAIR next to him.

-Who wants to know? Are you the one with the goods?-his voice sounded like a harpy shriek-Because if you are, you’re late. I want theprice lowered. I’ve been sitting here for over three hours now, when I have more important things to do.

-The snow storm slow…

-I don’t care if a pack of Dread Hounds were chasing you.-Qima intereupted Jim- You must have known the consequences. I must have been told that you would be late!-his wrinkled face curved a frown.

-Listen to me, Human. These herbs are not found very easily. We could have been killed!-Oram clenched his teeth still furious.

-And what will you do, Giant? Hm-m? Slap me with your paws will you?-the warlock smirked- Before you even land a finger on me you will be sorrounded by my pets and guards. Suerly you know the ower of the Uldaran Grove no?-he turned his frown upside down.

-Oram, he’s right. Let’s not make a big deal of it ok?-Jim poited him towards the square-There are at least twenty druids, witches and warlocks in there. Do you want to invoke their wrath?- he winked. That sign usually meant Don’t worry I have a plan. Oram didn’t like that sign. It usually meant trouble-So be it then, here you go sir.-he landed the pouch in the old wrinkled hand. He gasped when he saw the two inch nails streaking out of the warlock’s hand.

-He he he… I love a good deal.-he took the ouch and opened it. He inhaled as much as he could to feel if the herbs and their small cherry shaped fruit was still ripe.-Ah….Leno Bloom…one drop of it can make thrity healing potions you know…-he placed the pouch in his stash and took another small bag out.


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Tue Apr 05, 2005 12:35 am
Tara wrote a review...



The campsite where Yunero had his last roasted deer.

incomplete sentence arvy. Is that picking up where you left off from another sentence? if not, it sounds a bit strange....

-Come to think of it, where are you people headed to?-Eclo asked reaching for an apple in his backpack.

Take out the 'Come to think of it'...it's unneccesary, and sounds iffy. Perhaps add other wording.
-To the city of Mara. -Korvan replied, taking out his spellbook preparing for the afternoon prayers.

perhaps cchange 'preparing' to 'to prepare'...or just add an 'and' in between 'spellbook' and 'preparing.'

That’s all you need to know my friend.-Star replied, stretching a smile on her serene face, laying on the green meadow.

In my opinion, 'as she lay on the green meadow' would sound better here than 'laying on the green meadow'

-Tell me Eclo…-Star asked with amazement-What kind of people are the Tao-Maj? -Eclo sighed, his face going sad.

add moer detail, instead of just 'his face going sad'. 'Eclo let out a sigh, the corners of his mouth slowly drooping. He swallowed the last remnants of the bite he had taken out of the apple, and looked Star in the eyes. Somehow, though, he avoided her gaze.' I'm not saying add htat, lol, that's crap. Just more detail there.

-But, what happened?-she asked again.

I see what you are saying here, se asked a question, and saying 'again' is implying another question. But it sounds like you are saying she already asked what happened. maybe replace 'again' with an adverb, such as eagerly.

Want some?-he leaned his apple towards her-She took the apple in her gentle hand.

'Gentle' is a bit of an odd word to describe hands in this sort of circumstance. something a bit more...hmmm...a more elaborate word for 'gentle' would work fine, though. Just a personal opinion there, no real significance.

-I have passed my entire in dungeons and gurads posts.

his entire what? lol

-People I don’t want to disturb your touching conversation, but we have company.-Korvan said.

comma after people, since he's addressing them.

-What?!-Star turned, and she jolted when she saw that a band of goblins surrounded them.
-Hehehe…-a goblin came forward what seemed to be their leader.

HAD surrounded, and THAT seemed to be thier leader.

If you would be so kind to give me your treasures and this lovely slave of yours, we might consider sparing your pittiful sun-lit lifves.

lifves, Arvy?

-I am not a slave!-Star shouted, in the same second a globe of arcane matter formed in her arm and slammed the old goblin with such force that he fell four paces away from her, faling on a few goblins, a spear thrusting his left shoulder.

falling**

-Star what…-Korvan rushed to her, her eyes filled with tears.

comma after 'Star'
-Kill them! I want her head!-the old goblin said, blood dripping on the ground, blackening the green sweet meadow.

sweet green sounds better than green sweet. and add a comma after the first one of the adjectives.

Star wispered softly in elvish and a staff engraved with golden elven runes materialized in her arms. She fought her way to the half-dead sorcerer, sparkles, fire and magic streaking among the foolish goblins, their rusted lances broke easily on the chaotic magic that ran wildly amongst them. The old goblin spitted the skull right before Star hit him with her staff, and green fumes streaked out of the empty eyeholes, enveloping her body. She stoped in fear watching her clothes slowly wither, her body rapidly aging her life force drained and transferred to the laughing goblin.

this all happened a little bit too quickly, Arvy. (whispered has an 'h' in it, btw :wink: )

-NO!-he jumped out of the ending fight and slammed the Kara’gh with his spellbook, when he saw Star’s body realising its soul. He fell on the ground, unconscious. The link was broken. He turned into an aged goblin again but Star’s force withered out of him into nothingness. A minute later, he opened his eyes murmuring something on the foul goblin tongue and grabbed his staff. He swinged it towards Korvan, but he was stoped by an unseen force. Then he realized he was floating in the air, silver streaks seemed to chain him, turning him virtually powerless.

this is good stuff, arvy, don't rush it, though!

-the battle was over. The corpses of his sibblings were laiyng on the meadows benath him.

beneath**

-Im a cleric of Goranol, wretched scum. You killed her!
-Hehehe…*cough* It seems I am not as powerful as I used to be. You’re lucky I’m old.
-It makes no diffrence fool. Rejuvinate her body again and face the judgement of my God.
-Hahaha! I will…I will don’t worry. He closed his eyes. Winds of fury began to blow around, as spirits of the land formed around her, they enveoped her gently and she was young and beautiful again. He opened his eyes again his maw grinning.

remember about the 'rushing things' aspect? Here it is again. add alot more and more here.

-No my dear…-Eclo jolted on his feet.

comma after 'No'

-Where are you spirit?

comma before 'Spirit'

He looked down towards Star, her beautiful elven figure streeched before him. As Korvan poured the liquid inside her mouth, Eclo felt another thing.

stretched** in her mouth will do fine. inside sounds funny. another 'thing'? use a different word besides 'thing'


I have to go now, Arvy, but I got through the end of chap. one. I'll crit. the rest tomorrow! I promise.




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Mon Apr 04, 2005 11:14 pm
Zion says...



Oh thanks a bunch Nai. I really apreciate it. I didnt relize how many grammar mistakes I've made XD About the names. I have a HUGE problem with names. I think it sucks. Oram just popped in my mind. Cuz Oram means digging in way (verb) and its kinda hulairous. About the thread of hair, (rolf!) I forgot to change it to cut off, omg, poor baby. ABout te first chapter and details about the baby, look a few pages behind. I think its still there.




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Mon Apr 04, 2005 6:44 pm
Nai wrote a review...



Arvandor wrote:The campsite where Yunero had his last roasted deer. Eclo didn't seem to bother too much with the situation. Maybe he was just glad that he finally found sanctuary.

This part was a weird way to start the story... If you read it aloud it doesn't really sound right.
I would just try to combine the sentences here.

Arvandor wrote:-Come to think of it, where are you people headed to?-Eclo asked reaching for an apple in his backpack.

I would also explain that there is a group there before you start their dialogue. They sort of just pop into the story without warning.

Arvandor wrote:-To the city of Mara. -Korvan replied, taking out his spellbook preparing for the afternoon prayers.

All you have to change here is add an "and" between spellbook and preparing.

Arvandor wrote:-Fine by me.-Eclo replied taking another bite from the apple-Just being curios that’s all.

"curios" to "curious"

Arvandor wrote:Nature it self went mad.

"it self" to "itself"

Arvandor wrote:-I have passed my entire in dungeons and gurads posts.

"gurads" to "guard" (guard posts)

Arvandor wrote:-Hehehe…-a goblin came forward what seemed to be their leader. He grinned at the confused party, his dark-yellow fangs dripping with seliva.

"seliva" to "saliva"

Arvandor wrote:I the mean time, the several goblins charged Eclo, Korvan and Star.

"I" to "In"

Arvandor wrote:-Estro Goranol…-he wispered.

"wispered" to "whispered"

Arvandor wrote:The confusement grew as the spirited Eclo entered inside the body through the nostrlis of one of them.


Arvandor wrote:He fell on the ground, turning and screaming, as Eclo work his way inside his body.

He fell to the ground, squirming and screaming, as Eclo worked his way inside the goblin's body.

Arvandor wrote:The old goblin spitted the skull right before Star hit him with her staff, and green fumes streaked out of the empty eyeholes, enveloping her body.

"spitted" to "splitted"
The old goblin split the skull only a moment before Star hit him with her staff. Green fumes streaked out of the empty eyeholes, it then enveloped her body.

Arvandor wrote:Her hair turned white as snow, and she could baely wisper:

"baely" to "barely"
"wisper" to "whisper"

Arvandor wrote:-NO!-he jumped out of the ending fight and slammed the Kara’gh with his spellbook, when he saw Star’s body realising its soul. He fell on the ground, unconscious. The link was broken. He turned into an aged goblin again but Star’s force withered out of him into nothingness. A minute later, he opened his eyes murmuring something on the foul goblin tongue and grabbed his staff. He swinged it towards Korvan, but he was stoped by an unseen force. Then he realized he was floating in the air, silver streaks seemed to chain him, turning him virtually powerless.

This part is confusing. At the beginning of this you say the goblin is knocked unconscious, but then a minute later he springs up and tosses a staff at Korvan.
"stoped" to "stopped"

Arvandor wrote:-What kind of magic is this sun-walker.

What kind of magic is this, sun-walker?

Arvandor wrote:The corpses of his sibblings were laiyng on the meadows benath him.

The corpses of his kin strewn about the ground beneath him.

Arvandor wrote:Their blood encircled the old sorcerer, black almost as the void itself, poisoning the land of the setting sun.

This sentence doesn't really fit. I would just try to mention elsewhere the fact that the goblin's blood is black. Explaining that their is blood on the goblins bodies, which we already know because they were killed by swords; and the part about "land of the setting sun" I really didn't understand that.

Arvandor wrote:He came to the slumbering child, tugged in Star’s backpack, its small body baerly larger than a spellbook.

"slumbering child"..? Do you mean, the elf? Is there a small child in Star's backpack?
????????????????????
"baerly" to "barely"

Arvandor wrote: Korvan took a thread of hair from the baby.

lmao he just yanks hair off the baby's head?

Arvandor wrote: -Eclo, can you materialize some of your powers?-Korvan asked him seriously raising an eyebrow.

"Eclo, can you materialize some of your powers?" said Korvan raising an eyebrow.

Arvandor']-I…I think I can. Just give me a moment.-Eclo pulled out his dagger, and ran it on his paw. [/quote]
Uhhhh..."paw"? I hope you mean "hand" otherwise you have more explaining to do for this character..

[quote="Arvandor wrote:
The mist phazed inside the flask, and the liquid started to bubble.

"phased" to "phased"

Arvandor wrote:He looked down towards Star, her beautiful elven figure streeched before him.

"streeched" to "stretched", but I don't know that you really want to use stretched as your choice of words for that sentence.

Arvandor wrote:Finnaly Korvan was acting like a real cleric.

"Finnaly" to "Finally"


2

Arvandor wrote:Meanwhile, at the base of the Hollowed mountains:

Well you can go one of two ways:
-if "Hollowed" is the name of the mountains then you have to put "Hollowed Mountains"
-if "Hollowed" pertains to the fact they are hollow mountains, then you have to put "hollow moutains"

Arvandor wrote:-Oh you know I don’t like trading with Frost Elves Jim, they never have a sense of humor.-the giant replied his long brown hair and beard waving strongly in the sharp cold wind.

"Oh you know I don't like trading with Frost Elves, Jim. They never have a sense of humor." the giant replied; his long brown hair and beard waving strongly in the sharp, cold wind.

Arvandor wrote:-You ware boots Jim.

"ware" to "wear"

Arvandor wrote:-Hmpf!-he smirked-Whatever! Let’s find a cave or something, I think ice cikcles are hanging from my nostrils.

"ice cikcles" to "icicles"

Arvandor wrote:-They sure do Jim.- Oram replied standing on his feet again, his enormous figure, his large brown eyes scouting for a cave or two

"There sure are, Jim." Oram replied. He stood up again, his large brown eyes searching for a cave.

Arvandor wrote:Inside it was very large, even dissent enough for Oram.

"dissent" to "decent"

Arvandor wrote:He was happy you know, not always he could enjoy in the warmth of the fire in a sitting position.

He was happy, not always could he enjoy the warmth of a fire in a sitting position.

Arvandor wrote:The fire gem was acting like a lighter, even if the fire went out, you can still use it as a Igniter.

(they didn't have lighters back then Arvy...unless your telling it from a present time, just very different world)
The fire gem made fire without the use of kindling, even if the fire went out, it could still be used as an igniter.

Arvandor wrote:Crafted by the mountain halflings used mostly to warm their seemingly endless gardens in the Snowsong mountains.

just add It was* before "Crafted"

Arvandor wrote:Oram asked not shifintg his gaze of the food that’s seemed to warm up quickly.

"shifintg" to "shifting"

Arvandor wrote:My dad was an adventurer, infact a brave fighter, my mom was a druidess, and I?

"infact" to "in fact"

Arvandor wrote:Something was troubling Jim, his intuition kept telling him that something is wrong.

Something was troubling Jim, his intuition kept telling him something

Arvandor wrote:-Er, what, whats the matter?-Jim jmped from his bedroll still drousy.


Arvandor wrote:In the meantime Oram was sculking around the cave.

"sculking" to "skulking"

Arvandor wrote:Jim seached through his backpak and took out a silver diadem and a pouch filled with herbs.

"backpak" to "backpack"

Arvandor wrote:-Yuck! I can’t belive it! - Oram said biterlly.

"belive" to "believe"
"biterlly" to "bitterly"

Arvandor wrote:-Why whats the matter? -Jim still gazed the diadem.

"Why, what's the matter?" Jim still gazed at the diadem.

Arvandor wrote:Jim easly looped from Oram’s palm up his arm and on his usual seat on the right shoulder.

"easly" to "easily"

Arvandor wrote:Uldaran was a day’s travel on foot but they can cut their way if they catch the caravan’s on the main roads thatlead to the Elenian Gateway.But since Oram is a giant, they can’t ride the caravan right? So they had to compensate. Oram has to go as fast as he can. Not to run he will bring down the entire forest.

Here you shift out of your omniscient point of view into first-person. I would change this so it sounds like your explaining it, not telling the reader yourself.

Arvandor wrote:-There will be no resting Jim, is that clear?- Oram told him with serious face- We must be there precisly on time or the deal is dead.

"There will be no resting, Jim. Is that clear?" Oram said with a serious face, "We must be there precisely on time or the deal is dead."

Arvandor wrote:By the way wouldn’t the roads be much safer if you have a giant as a companion?

Again, here is the thing I was talking about with the first person shift.

Arvandor wrote:Noone dared to venture too close to the mountain of the were-races, not even the boldest of adventurers.

"Noone" to "None" or "No one"

Arvandor wrote:The village had no relations or what so ever with the Lycans.

I've never used the word in any piece of writing, but I think it's...
"what so ever" to "what-so-ever" or just replace it with "at all"

Arvandor wrote:Many belive that warlocks and Lycans share the same kin.

"belive" to "believe"

Arvandor wrote:No matter, the colorful duo went forward, through the woods not sure of their fate.

I would take out this sentence.

Arvandor wrote:-Humanity is falling apart, suerly you must know that.-the female wispered again, watchig at them, slolwy dissapereing in the dense forest, Oram’s head above the woods, like a sentry scouting the forest.

"Humanity is falling apart, surely you must know that." the female whispered again.
Both of the mysterious figures watched them closely, slowly disappearing into the dense forest, and Oram's head above the canopy.

Arvandor wrote:The wind blew through their hairs, the sweet smell of the coming spring embraced them they havent felt clean air for a long time. It was nice to see the forests now and then. The cities are just too crowded, and the citizens always give a weird look when they see a giant walking down to city sqare.

The wind blew through their hair, the sweet smell of the coming spring embraced them as they had not felt the clean air for a long time. The forest was a pleasant sight for the two. The cities were much too crowded, and peculiar looks always followed the two wherever they went.

Arvandor wrote:-Oram you are not a hero you are a merchant you silly giant.

"Oram, you are not a hero, you are a merchant, you silly giant."

Arvandor wrote:-Don’t know. I just feel like going there. I want to see some civilization, tavern brawl, roasted meat. I can imagine it know:

"I don't know. I just fell like going there. I want to see civilization...tavern brawls...roasted meat. I can imagine it now:

Arvandor wrote:-No, their waepons, capes, armour are made of gold, and their eyes are made from jewels taken from the best mines in the Scaraabian Dynasty.

"waepons" to "weapons"

Arvandor wrote:As titans they tower the city square in aw of evey citizen or just someone that passes by. A true architectural marvel.

"aw" to "awe"
"evey" to "every"

Arvandor wrote:Did I mentioned that the sword of the warrior is made from electrum as well?

"mentioned" to "mention"

Arvandor wrote:What, only Dwarves and Gnomes can craft wonderours statues and machines?

"wonderours" to "wonderous"

Arvandor wrote:-Oram you never told me these stuff. Damn you!-Jim laughed.

"these" to "this"

Arvandor wrote:The exotic fumes touched thrir nostrils as they were coming closer and closer. Small cottages started to apper from the woods, until they could see the entire village. The central area was crowded with people.

The exotic fumes touched their nostrils as they came closer and closer. Small cottages began to appear from the woods, until they could see the entire village. The central area was crowded with people.

Arvandor wrote:Uldaran was known for his secret realtions and secrets of the Twilight Mountain, which was a four days journey south-west from the village, so quite a many adventures were skuling around the village to learn a thing or two.

"realtions" to "relations"
"south-west" to "southwest"
"skuling" to "skulking"

Arvandor wrote:It was very warm this day, even though it was the middle of october and the guard already had quite of a thin temper, his face drenched in sweat and messy hair that fell on his shoulders.

"october" should be "October"

Arvandor wrote:-Whats your business in Uldaran?-the gurad said his gaze shifting towards the twering giant that smirked at him.

"What's your business in Uldaran?" the guard said, his gaze shifting towards the towering giant who was smirking at him.

Arvandor wrote:-We are merchants Snowsong Mountain, we have some goods for trade.-he said opening his bag to show him the goods. The curious guard looked inside at shrugged in discust.

"We are merchants of Snowsong Mountain, we have some goods for trade." Jim said while opening the bag. The curious guard looked inside and shrugged in disgust.

Arvandor wrote:-By Goranol’s grace what’s that smell? Urgh…Whatever, your name, sir?-the guard smirke back at the giant.

"smirke" to "smirk"

Arvandor wrote:-Stephan, its them, the ones if told you about!-the guard turned back to the one that stoped them. Oram looked at Jim who was already grinning. He took the back from him, and placed it in his stash.

"stoped to "stopped"
"bag" between "the"and "back"

Arvandor wrote:-The Coin Duo? Of course I remember, the joyful halfling that menaged to fool a giant to follow him around the…-

"menaged" to "managed"

Arvandor wrote:Oram was about to starve to death if it wasn’t for Jim to find him.

Oram would have starved to death is Jim hadn't found him.

Arvandor wrote:He was one of the caretakers of the gardens when one morning he dared to go outside the warm and green adobe just out of curiosity, in the winter storm that never stoped at this altitude.

"stoped" to "stopped"

Arvandor wrote:You can only see your finger in front of your face in that storm.

Kinda messed up past and present tense here
You could only see your finger in front of your face in that storm.

Arvandor wrote:Who’s there? He said, and heard nothing but his own echo.

This should be: 'Who's there?' he said, and heard nothing but his own echo.

Arvandor wrote:Is is an Ice Drake? Or far worse >gulp< a death wyrm?

Was it an Ice Drake?

Arvandor wrote:There were some warlocks and druids around, easily recognised by their staves and black and green robes, dabbling with the gnome merchants, trying to decypher the right price.

"decypher" to "decipher"

Arvandor wrote:His green gown was emblemed with balck and gold stripes, a large diadem of twigs and branches was resting on his head.

"balck" to "black"

Arvandor wrote:Jim leaped onto his right shoulder, as the curios crowd glanced at the Hill Giant standing next to them.

"curios" to "curious"

Arvandor wrote:-And what will you do, Giant? Hm-m? Slap me with your paws will you?-the warlock smirked- Before you even land a finger on me you will be sorrounded by my pets and guards. Suerly you know the ower of the Uldaran Grove no?-he turned his frown upside down.

"sorrounded" to "surrounded"
"Suerly" to "Surely"
"ower" to "owner"

Arvandor wrote:That sign usually meant Don’t worry I have a plan.

That sign usually meant: 'Don't worry, I have a plan.'

Arvandor wrote:Ah….Leno Bloom…one drop of it can make thrity healing potions you know…-he placed the pouch in his stash and took another small bag out.

"thrity" to "thirty"



And that's it.

I'd say about 90% of the mistakes were spelling...So I wouldn't worry about mistakes in future writing because we'll be getting the spell check soon in YWS 3.0

Other than those grammar errors, this story was great. I love the way you tell a story and you make up the best fantasy names.

Great job Arvy :D :D :D





I was born to speak all mirth and no matter.
— William Shakespeare