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Young Writers Society



Alien God

by Zion


I sit on a bench
here on the mother world
as I await the judges to send me on "processing".
Should I weep? Am I supposed to go mad
and tare the living flesh out of those biroctatic bastards?
Pluck their eyes out with my hands? Grinning and feeling
their blood drenching down my face?

No.

I must not. They dont know the mistake they just made.
I can see the guards glooming over ahead, like locusts on a corpse
they come near as we speak.
Heh, they dont realise that my death shall free me.
They dont know the power they just unleashed.
The awakening of an alien god.
It grows wihitn me. I can feel it. I can sense it looping from one side
to another.

I dream with my eyes wide open. I play mind games with myself
as I await my death, no...Processing. Hehe...no matter.

I will be back,so will he. After that they will pay for their crimes.
I shall see their bodies drenching in their comrade's blood.
I shall enjoy their sorrow and watch their brains melting from the power within me.

Its not my falut. Still...where will I go later? God shall not accpet me, imno longer human,
Big Lu shall dump me as well. Im an alien in the eyes of Man. Grow my God...thrive...
we shall build our own haven. We shall...lest we will be immortal and we must not...
for you are an alien god, and you shall free me.

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506 Reviews

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Thu Jun 16, 2005 10:24 am
Sureal wrote a review...



I rarely read poetry, but I saw the title and...
Well, there are two version to this story. The long one and the short one.

- 'That was a very good poem :)'
- And the long story?
- That was the long one.
- What's the short story then?
- 'Awesomeness!'


The only problem is spelling/grammar mistakes:

They dont know the mistake

They dont know the power they just unleashed.


‘Dont’ should be ‘don’t’.


It grows wihitn me


‘wihitn’ should be ‘within’


I will be back,so will he


You need a space after the comma.


Its not my falut.


‘Falut’ should be ‘fault’.
‘Its’ should be ‘it’s’.


imno longer human


‘Imno’ should be ‘I’m no’.


Im an alien in the eyes of Man.


‘Im’ should be ‘I’m’.


Over then them, it looks fine :D.




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Thu Jun 16, 2005 3:23 am
Zion says...



Thanks a bunch. :D I know it needs a major work. I just felt bored, scribbled it and posted it without any editing.




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321 Reviews

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Thu Jun 16, 2005 3:20 am
Liz says...



Good. I found it a bit inconsistent, but overall it was well-written with a god concept. You may want to fix up some grammatical errors, but apart from that, nice work.





"When a body moves, it's the most revealing thing. Dance for me a minute, and I'll tell you who you are."
— Mikhail Baryshnikov