Published June 15, 2005
I sit on a bench
here on the mother world
as I await the judges to send me on "processing".
Should I weep? Am I supposed to go mad
and tare the living flesh out of those biroctatic bastards?
Pluck their eyes out with my hands? Grinning and feeling
their blood drenching down my face?
No.
I must not. They dont know the mistake they just made.
I can see the guards glooming over ahead, like locusts on a corpse
they come near as we speak.
Heh, they dont realise that my death shall free me.
They dont know the power they just unleashed.
The awakening of an alien god.
It grows wihitn me. I can feel it. I can sense it looping from one side
to another.
I dream with my eyes wide open. I play mind games with myself
as I await my death, no...Processing. Hehe...no matter.
I will be back,so will he. After that they will pay for their crimes.
I shall see their bodies drenching in their comrade's blood.
I shall enjoy their sorrow and watch their brains melting from the power within me.
Its not my falut. Still...where will I go later? God shall not accpet me, imno longer human,
Big Lu shall dump me as well. Im an alien in the eyes of Man. Grow my God...thrive...
we shall build our own haven. We shall...lest we will be immortal and we must not...
for you are an alien god, and you shall free me.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,415 Literary Works • 674,393 Reviews
I rarely read poetry, but I saw the title and...
'
Well, there are two version to this story. The long one and the short one.
- 'That was a very good poem
- And the long story?
- That was the long one.
- What's the short story then?
- 'Awesomeness!'
The only problem is spelling/grammar mistakes:
‘Dont’ should be ‘don’t’.
‘wihitn’ should be ‘within’
You need a space after the comma.
‘Falut’ should be ‘fault’.
‘Its’ should be ‘it’s’.
‘Imno’ should be ‘I’m no’.
‘Im’ should be ‘I’m’.
Over then them, it looks fine
Thanks a bunch.
I know it needs a major work. I just felt bored, scribbled it and posted it without any editing.
Good. I found it a bit inconsistent, but overall it was well-written with a god concept. You may want to fix up some grammatical errors, but apart from that, nice work.