Caravan to Mao
Part 1
Clack, clack clack!
Vaughn was huddled over a small tepee of wood. He was smashing a rock and a fire stone together, making sparks fly. Mayuko was holding a handful of tinder, ready to catch any lucky spark that would fall into it and make it ignite. "Come on..." he mumbled, striking the regular rock against the red, flint-like stone. Then something occurred to the female soldier.
"Vaughn, you know I have fire magic. I can just make fi--"
"I want to do it!" He interrupted and continued to clack the rocks together. Mayuko simply let out a sigh and shook her head. He just had to be the manly-man, didn't he?
It took a few more tries before Vaughn got anything that would even come close to being a flame. The fire grew larger until it was able to burn the wooden tepee. The two soldiers sat down beside it and looked around to see that the rest of the caravan was already set. It was dim in the Zaoli forest, so travel wouldn't be the best idea. There were too many wild creatures and bandit gangs out and about to travel around in the dark.
A frail looking man with white hair made his way around one of the wagons and toward Vaughn and Mayuko's fire. The man wore the same colors of the empire as did the soldiers. Vaughn turned when he heard footsteps and smiled at him. The man smiled back and raised his hand slightly to give a small wave.
"Excuse me." The old man said in a voice that seemed like it was going to crumble at any moment. He stopped a couple steps away from the two. "I have a question that I hope you kind soldiers could answer for me."
"Sure." Vaughn replied and waited for the man to ask his question.
"The other soldiers seem, well, intimidating." He continued on. "And even if they didn't seem intimidating, they look too tired to be bothered. And this question has been on my mind all day. I don't think I can contain it any longer. I just didn't know who to ask and I could ask the other explorers, but I'm not sure if they know either. You know--"
"Just get to your question, old man." Mayuko grumbled flatly.
The man jumped slightly, surprised by her tone of voice. "W-well...I was just wondering...how much longer would it take get to the Mao islands?"
The two soldiers let out a grown and Vaughn smacked his forehead with his palm. This was about the hundredth time the explorers had asked that question. "Listen up, old man!" Mayuko snapped as she stood, fists balled up. She was just about ready to punch someone in the face. This old man seemed like the perfect target.
"Mayu!" Vaughn reached out and grabbed one of her wrists. He pulled her, trying to bring her back to the ground. "Let it go."
"These guys are the most annoying people I've ever met!" She complained. The white-haired man cringed slightly.
"We're still supposed to protect them. That was the job assigned to us, remember?"
"Yeah, but...Can't we just say it was an accident?"
"No."
Mayuko let out a growl and crossed her arms over her chest before plopping back down beside Vaughn. "Fine..." With that, the man decided to would be best to leave them alone. And so he left and went back to his own campfire with the other explorers.
Vaughn let out a yawn and laid back, placing his hands behind his head. "You think you can make the food this time?" He asked Mayuko. She glanced over to him, arms still crossed. She took a moment before she stood up and went to his pack and started to pull out some of the edible substances that they collected along the way. Vaughn's eyes slowly started to close and he thought back to how they even got on the mission of escorting the Imperial explorers to the Mao islands.
* * *
Months before, Vaughn and Mayuko were walking down the hallway of the soldier's quarters. Mayuko had finally forgiven Vaughn for that little incident with Princess Laurel, which Vaughn still didn't quite understand. The two were off to grab something to eat at the marketplace when they were stopped by a fellow soldier.
"Hey, Vaughn, Mayuko!" A tall, scrawny man with sandy brown hair called out and stepped in front of them.
"Cain!" Vaughn called back, a smile capturing his lips. "You're back!" The last time the two soldiers saw Cain was right before he left to go collect taxes from a village in the east. "How was it over there? Were the Blashies bad?"
Cain laughed slightly and patted Vaughn's shoulder. "It was actually quite peaceful. But I was reinforced, so. I met a girl over there too! She decided to come back with me." He smiled brightly.
"Oooh~ Cain's got a lover." Mayuko chimed and tilted her head back slightly, eying his blush.
"Yeah...Oh! But I'll talk to you guys about her later. The high general wants you. He's in the meeting hall."
Vaughn and Mayuko glanced at eachother for a moment. He wanted the both of them? Well they were basically like one unit. Vaughn didn't do very many missions without Mayuko anymore. The military found that they worked rather well together and never found a need to separate them. The two said their goodbyes to Cain and turned tail to head toward the meeting hall where the high general would be waiting for them.
Once at the meeting hall, Vaughn took a quick glance around to find that there was a line of about fifteen soldiers on their right and a line of twenty men he had never seen before on their left. They all looked far too weak to be soldiers, but they wore the uniform. This confused the soldier a little. Vaughn and Mayuko joined the line of soldiers and stood at the ready. They waited until they were given the order to stand at ease.
Moments later, a man wearing metal plated armor strode in the room. Every step was dignified and echoed with importance. The man looked to be in his forties, with salt-and-pepper hair cut short and slicked back. He had a deep scar across the bridge of his nose and he wore a stern face that seemed to be set like stone. He walked until he was on the far side of the room, directly in the center of the beginning of the lines.
"At ease." He commanded and the soldiers and other men did so. His voice was strong, stern, and demanded attention. He turned to the soldiers and spoke to them in a loud, clear voice.
"I have selected you all because I understand you are some of the best soldiers at the capital." He started, his eyes scanning every single individual in the line. "You all will be given the same mission." He outstretched an arm and gestured to the men behind him. "These men behind me are Imperial explorers. If you couldn't guess, their job is to explore new and strange territories." He lowered his arm and glanced over his shoulder at them. He then turned back to his soldiers.
"You all will be in the caravan that will escort them to the Mao islands and back to the Imperial capital." The entrance door opened slightly and he turned his head to see that a soldier slipped in and stationed himself in front of the door. "Are they ready?" the high general asked, his voice booming at the lone soldier.
"Yes, sir. They are waiting for your call."
"Bring them in."
The lone soldier opened the door behind him and let in another group of soldiers. By the looks of them, they were high ranking. Fifteen of these men walked through that door and made a line behind the high general. "These men will be accompanying the explorers to their destination in Mao."
Just then, another man walked into the room. He wore heavy armor and it clanked every time he took a step. He held a metal helmet in his hand. The man had long dirty blond hair that was pulled back into a tight ponytail. He had a neatly groomed beard, cut close to his face, giving it that squared-off look. His eyes were a sharp green and showed ferocity. One would get no mercy from this man. "Judge Rastler, its about time you joined us." the High General growled, sounding rather annoyed with this man.
Judge Rastler, a man dubbed a high ranking soldier, just under noble rank, was a powerful man that you didn't want to mess with. He had just as much military power as some of the high generals. Judge Rastler glanced from one row of soldiers to the next. "This is what you can conjure up?" He scoffed at the High General. "General Iz, I thought you could do better."
The High General clenched his jaw and crossed his arms over his chest. "Judge Rastler, you may be the head of this excavation, but I was assigned to arrange your caravan. Do not doubt me."
The Judge rolled his eyes and transferred his helmet from one hand to the other. "They better be good then." He muttered to himself, but could still be heard.
High General Iz ignored Rastler and spoke to the original line of soldiers, "You all are to stay on the island of Maoemi until notice of departure." he continued. "Your mission journey will begin tomorrow, so take the rest of today to pack the necessary essentials. You are dismissed."
* * *
Vaughn was slightly nudged and that instantly woke him up. He looked up to see Mayuko looking down at him. "You've been really tired lately. You know you can sleep. I'll keep a look out..." Vaughn slowly sat up and looked over to the fire. A pot of stew was being made.
"I'm fine, Mayu." He said and smiled at her. He didn't want to tell her that he had been having weird dreams. Why worry her with something that he couldn't even remember himself? "Is the stew ready?"
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Thank you so much for your constructive criticism.
I'll work on fixing those things and making sure to point out who I'm talking about.
It should be, "...you can make the food this time?" #FF0000 ">he asked Mayuko.
"It was actually quite peaceful. But I was reinforced, so. I met a girl over there too!"
Shouldn't it be "It was actually quite peaceful. But I was reinforced, so#FF0000 ">... That makes more sense then the closing of a sentance.
"Oooh#FF0000 ">- Cain's got a lover." ........ tilted her head back slightly, #FF0000 ">eyeing his blush.
each other
First of all, what soldier? You should specify this because you earlier stated that there were many soldiers in the room. Second of all, don't add 'a little'. It interrupts the sentence flow. You should try, "This confused ______ for a second."
Good story!
Other than those minor changes and tips, you had amazing detail and word choice. AMAZING!
Taylor