and so i
start off the morning with a stiff drink
and i
try to wipe the sleep from my eyes
you said to watch the shoreline
you claimed the world was pretty
well i bombed the beaches
and stomped on flowers
cut the ropes on tire swings
and drained all the lakes
the world is ugly again
as it was before our time
because with the absence of beauty
you are not gorgeous anymore
and so i
got high and watched the clouds pass
and i
sat on the railing of the tallest bridge
you said not to fall in
you watched my swan dive
did you give it a ten out of ten?
well i bombed the beaches
and stomped on flowers
cut the ropes on tire swings
and drained all the lakes
the world is ugly again
as it was before our time
because with the absence of beauty
you are not gorgeous anymore
well i set fire to forests
and blew up the zoo
shot the last elephant
and melted antarctica
the world is ugly again
as it was before our time
because with the absence of beauty
you are not gorgeous anymore
well i bombed the beaches (set fire to forests)
and stomped on flowers (blew up the zoo)
cut the ropes on tire swings (shot the last elephant)
and drained all the lakes (melted antarctica)
the world is ugly again
as it was before our time
because with the absence of beauty
you are not gorgeous anymore
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I loved the feeling to this but some parts just didn't flow too well. If you changed around some of the lines, it would work better. I can't imagine it too well as a song though.
Hi Zenjoy!
This was nice, but I can't really imagine it as a song. It seemed a bit all over the place and there wasn't anything that could have me imagining a set tone or melody. As a poem, it's good though. Also, you should capitalize your i's. You may think that you're being artsy, but it really just looks bad.
And one note about your title; I couldn't see anything having to relate to film. Maybe choose a better title? Since this a song, you can just pick one of the lines.
Hope this helps, and good luck!
-Elinor