Young Writers Society

This is a really well-written short story! I love how you took a simple idea of a character preparing for their first day of school and turned it into something that actually has a meaningful message behind it. The imagery in this was really well done - I could paint visuals in my mind throughout all of it.

There are a couple of grammatical errors that could make the story flow better in some areas. The line, "The one that we find in the vastness of the sky, or even hidden in the depths of the ocean, from turquoise to navy, every shade there is, it's impressive how this color simultaneously catches our eye and yet let everything else stand out" has a lot of commas... So, you can try splitting this into two sentences. For example, you could try placing a period after "ocean" and capitalizing the next word "from". I think this would make this sentence easier to read.

Overall, I really loved the idea and theme of this story, and I encourage you to keep writing!

Hey, Che here for a review!

I will just start of with any grammatical errors I spot or anywhere I think you could have improved the story, along with corrections Then I will move onto all the things I loved about it!

not get late on the first day of my new school --> I'm guessing you meant "Not to be late"

The reflection in the mirror froze me for a moment and made me wish in vain for the light blue of my former alma mater --> In my opinion this would make more sense if you said "made me freeze" rather than "froze me"

The one that we find in the vastness of the sky, or even hidden in the depths of the ocean, from turquoise to navy, every shade there is, it's impressive how this color simultaneously catches our eye and yet let everything else stand out. --> I think this is a rather long sentence (something I am guilty of always doing myself) so I would suggest that after "ocean" you put a full stop (Period?) and then after "every shade there is" put a semi colon; it just makes the sentence seem more mature.

A humble kind of beautiful, yes that's something I would ask for from everyone I meet today. --> This might just be me being pedantic, but it would make sense for this to either say "something i will ask for from everyone i meet today" or "something i would ask for from everyone I met today"

Strange, were there always this many colors? --> I think this would have flown better if you had but "had there always been this many colors?"


I was awestruck by this new discovery of beauty that was here all along. --> Again, I think that rather than "that was here" it would sound better to have "that had been here all along"

Along the way, my eyes trailed on the continuous outburst of greenery by the roadside, all remains of the last layer of dust lost with the sudden downpour. --> I think rather than "my eyes trailed on" it would sound better to say "my eyes trailed across" or "along". And the sentence would flow better with "all the remains of the last layer..."

I found something seep into me quietly, --> I think it would sound better to say "i felt something seep quietly into me"

Like an unprecedented shockwave of will power coursed through my vein and I just knew I'll do my best today. --> I think this sentence would be better as "It was like an unprecedented shock wave of will power had just coursed through my veins..."

I wasn't disappointed, there were bags and bottles of all shades. --> Rather than the comma after disappointed, it should be a semi-colon

Funny how even after presented with the choice of the entire color palette, the school authority chose grey --> I think it should be "after being presented with"

The van stopped abruptly, I looked out to check if we've reached already, only to find one corner of the road blocked for construction. --> It would make more sense if after "abruptly" instead of a comma you put "and" and then after "already" you put a semi colon

My eyes fixated on the white newly painted sidewalk --> I would change this around and have "the newly painted white sidewalk"

the black color of the tar on the road, such an interesting contrast. --> Instead of the coma after "road" I would have a semi colon

Even these two shades made more sense to me, monotonous but radiant in their own rights. --> again, after "me" i would have a semi colon not a common

As I was pondering over these thoughts, a drop of paint fell on the tar and kind of blended together to form a mix, somewhat a gray one. --> The use of "kind of" is rather informal in contrast to the rest of your piece so I would cut that, and instead of "somewhat a gray one" I would change it to " a somewhat gray one"

Gray ain't pretty --> Like ChieRynn said below, ain't is too informal in contrast to the piece so I would change it to "isn't"

our flaws and merit --> I think it should be "merits"

Something that ties every one of us --> would make more sense to say "ties every one of us together"

The black in reminder of the trials we have all suffered, and the white in hope of a better tomorrow, two opposite colors embraced together to form one gray. --> I think it would make more sense to say "the black as a reminder" and same with white and then have a semi colon after "tomorrow"

The school uniform itself proclaimed so, after all it's gray. --> I would have a semi colon and then change "it's" to "it is" for a more impactful ending.

Woah, I'm so sorry for pointing out all of these little area's of improvement but no one would improve without it!

Now for the good things!! There was a lot

I absolutely loved this story- the imagery was so strong and beautiful. The structure of the story was amazing- the way you wrapped up the ending to both reflect and contrast the beginning was amazing. There was areal deep meaning behind this that must be very close to your heart.

It was a very mature and poetic piece, something I think a lot of people would struggle to write or even comprehend.

I'm not sure what else to say, other than that this is one of my favourite pieces I've read on this website so far!!

Please, keep writing!

Regards, Che

So this is the first review I've done in a long time, so bear with me. I wanted to find a short story to review since they're fun and I like to write them myself.

You did well in not straying from the general theme of the story. You began with a description of a simple gray uniform, expounded on it, and then in the end wrapped it up with a small closing paragraph that kind of sums up the whole story.

Color isn't necessarily something we think about all the time, but really the color gray does make you think drab and serious. I like how you described it as kind of a "real" color. Something that's not the white that symbolizes peace or light, nor the black that represents darkness. It's something right in the middle.

There were a few small grammatical errors that I picked out, but nothing too severe. For instance, you wrote:

"Or in a less dramatic sense, not get late on the first day of my new school."
Proper grammar would be to say, "not be late". Also, I would use "for" instead of "on", but I'm not sure if using "on" is technically wrong.

One thing you did was use the word "ain't". This is rather informal, and I wouldn't use it unless it was in dialogue somewhere.

Overall it was an interesting story. If you write more shorts, let me know! Keep up the good work.