Published November 5, 2022
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140,259 Literary Works • 673,077 Reviews
I wasn't going to leave a comment here, but I just couldn't help myself. This is lovely and wonderful and whimsical all at once and I adore the whole entire thing. I read one of the first lines, "You are too far gone into kindness" and felt so seen and loved all at once. Whether or not that was the intention I'm not sure, and I don't know whether it matters overly much. Either way your words were honest but powerful and I am so glad you shared them with us all. <3
I like how the subject of the conversation keeps changing, as if years were passing in between them. I also like the jar with the glowing branches. It’s really pretty and makes me think that all conversations are like glowing branches kept in a jar. We can never know how much a simple conversation can mean until years later. We might not ever see the person we were talking to ever again.
I wish you a lovely day/night.
First of all, let me congratulate you on writing what seems to be your first piece(?), and take a moment to marvel at the way this poem is formatted - I love the background and the font that you used to portray the poem with. It's very striking, yet warm. The conversation being spoken between the two narrators, or perhaps it is the voice of one person that is in an inner struggle is hauntingly real. It really paints a picture of regret, along with hope. These two aspects are really hammered into the reader (but rather succinctly, with these two stanzas;
"Always playing the good Samaritan/You are too far gone into kindness."
I really, really think that this is a motif of regret - standing up for oneself and making your own choices can be difficult, for example, if you are used to putting yourself first. I'm not sure if that's exactly what this stanza is talking about, but it seems that way to me at least. Feel free to correct me if this is not the case.
In terms of the aspect of hope, I think that this stanza sums it up perfectly, and was also my own personal favorite stanza:
"Tomorrow is just a criss-cross of infinite paths/I could have followed you to the great unknown." And to make it just that much more bittersweet it's followed by this fantastic line:
"But who ever heard of a butterfly chasing the sun?"
When I first finished this poem, I stared at my screen gape-mouthed, and then read it over again. This is just absolutely stunning, and I would do anything to take that first time to read it over again.
I hope this critique is helpful (in some way) and gives you some insight into how awesome your work is! <3
-moon