THERE are no doors out of the Firestone Tower, for it used to be a prison. It stands alone off the marshes of the Floating Isle, a ramrod pillar, half hidden by rolling fogs on the best of days. There is a sliver of a window near the top of the tower, but light rarely shines through to the chamber within.
Legends have it that since its creation many eons ago, the Firestone Tower has always housed one. Always a woman, wizened and strange. Magical. Sometimes a witch, other times a seer, always a dispenser of truth to those who are clever enough to find their way into the Tower. In all the tellings of the old stories, no one mentions the woman’s name. No one knows her age. No one knows if it was one woman who had lived forever, or if there were many of them, taking up the mantle of the Witch of the Tower one after another.
Stories. They grow greater with each telling.
I know something of stories. I know something of the truths behind them. I know my predecessor well enough, and I know that the Firestone Tower used to be a prison until a short year ago. Since my predecessor’s passing, I have taken up willing residence here. A new Witch of the Tower. As some sort of a penance, perhaps. Or maybe this is the only place that can bear to have me in this day and age.
In this poor, austere excuse of a tower, I have spent the past year labouring over words, not knowing where or how to start, but knowing exactly where to end. Each day, I write words. Each night,I burn the day’s work, because my words are clumsy and poor and does no justice to the truth.
The truth! Oh, Goddess Ba’Set, what is the truth? Some days I think it is better if the truth never sees the light of day. Other days, I think the story must be told, and cannot bear otherwise. The truth is my only legacy. I, who have neither son, nor family, nor nation, who will soon have no future, must have the truth, for I have lost much and paid too dearly for it.
I am meandering now. Stalling. Dawdling for time. My mind slips these days, and thoughts come and go as they will. Sometimes the thoughts are mine. Sometimes they belong to someone else. Sometimes they bleed into each other and I cannot tell where one strand begins and another ends.
There is an eternity stretched before me, but I can only steal moments of clarity and sanity. My time grows short. I must tell this story. I cannot bear otherwise. I fear I cannot tell it justly.
How does one begin? Where does one begin?
Do I begin with the Empire?
For once upon a time, the Di’Gourr Empire stretched across all known lands, from the edge of the eastern Unnamed Lands to western deserts of Umlaut, from the icy wastelands of northern Sccandi to the southern Red Sea. All men flew the flag of the Empire, or so our Emperor liked to think.
Of course, the Emperor wasn’t even old enough to think when I first met him. That happened nearly thirty years ago. He was two. I was six. Six years hence, I would marry him as the first of his twenty-one wives.
But the story does not begin with the Empire. It began long before that. The true story began with the Twin Mothers who have created the Seven and the world, and the Seven created men, and together, the Seven and men spun glorious legends, until one day the Twin Mothers and Seven fell silent within the world, and soon men thought the Twin Mothers and Seven were but tall tales, and other Gods rose from the earth, and with them empires were built and burnt.
That story will take a century to tell. Far longer than the pitious time I have left.
Shall I begin with myself instead?
I am Avan née Tyv’ern of the Ardeshir tribe, twin sister of Asha née Tyv’ern, daughter of Avesta née Tyv’ern, daughter of the desert. My mother was the woman who first united the many Umlautian tribes, and my sister, favored by the Goddess Ba’Set, would one day become the mighty Matriarch to fracture my people only to unite them again. These are women who lived with steel in their hands. I’ve always felt like my own life fell short compared to theirs. They spent their lives building empires. I spent mine toppling one.
I did not intend that to be my life’s work.
But I did mean to destroy my husband.
That sentiment did not arise the first time I met him. It would be much, much later before I grew to hate the man that he became, before I learnt to despise the Empire that nurtured him, before I came to rue the day I that met him. Before I bloodied both my own hands and the Gods in my madness to destroy him, and came to be reviled.
Perhaps this story should be a confession instead. Many years ago, a Venerated Father mostly holy once urged me to confess, and I paid him no mind, too busy plotting murders in my sleep. A confession. Be all my sins remembered. How quaint. Dear Ba’Set, let me tell it as a confession then, for I have never told it this way. Would the Venerated Father still take my confession? Does his Church still stands? Does his God listen?
If this is to be a confession, then there is only one place to start. At the beginning. My first great travesty. The story of how I came to be wedded to the Emperor.I shall not hide anything. Not my intentions, nor my deeds, nor my lies, and mostly definitely not my truths.
Great Mothers yonder, I am born Asha née Tyv’ern, and I have stolen a name.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
130,339 Literary Works • 671,513 Reviews
Hi Zen!
I really like what you have done to this writing, and it is some to the best work I have seen. You used very descriptive and well thought out language in your work that I think is very sophisticated. There were a couple of parts though that I had trouble processing and had to read over a couple of times to take in all of the information. Also, I know others have already said this, but why did you capitalize there? Other than that, great job, and keep on writing!
Hi, Zen.
Ryu here, and I just want to say, I loved this chapter. But I do have some thoughts.
Your work is very suspenseful, and I can't think of where it is leading. That's good, keeping the audience on their toes like this, and I can't wait to read more. But alas, I do have a simple question. What is the meaning of capitalizing and the bold of the first word,"There?" I see no significance in it, and nothing to give it any meaning. Other wise, it is a good story line and i do hope you keep it up. I am looking forward to reading more of your chapters, if and when you decide to post. You are one of the best that I have seen in a while, and absolutely a lot better than I, just check out my book,"Protectors of Gantaro," and you will see this to be true.
One thing that did bug me a little, though, is why is there so many short sentences? I mean, grammatically correct they are, but it bugged me like in the second to last sentence, you could have used a few conjunctions or a comma, and there wouldn't have been so many short sentences. Alas, this is only an opinion, and I think you are doing an amazing job, and I look forward to seeing your next work.
Hi, Zen.
Ryu here, and I just want to say, I loved this chapter. But I do have some thoughts.
Your work is very suspenseful, and I can't think of where it is leading. That's good, keeping the audience on their toes like this, and I can't wait to read more. But alas, I do have a simple question. What is the meaning of capitalizing and the bold of the first word,"There?" I see no significance in it, and nothing to give it any meaning. Other wise, it is a good story line and i do hope you keep it up. I am looking forward to reading more of your chapters, if and when you decide to post. You are one of the best that I have seen in a while, and absolutely a lot better than I, just check out my book,"Protectors of Gantaro," and you will see this to be true.
One thing that did bug me a little, though, is why is there so many short sentences? I mean, grammatically correct they are, but it bugged me like in the second to last sentence, you could have used a few conjunctions or a comma, and there wouldn't have been so many short sentences. Alas, this is only an opinion, and I think you are doing an amazing job, and I look forward to seeing your next work.
Hey Zen
I think this is a great plot in making and I'm eagerly waiting for more chapters to follow!
Some of the typos/errors I noticed:
"Each night,I burn the day’s work, because my words are clumsy and poor and does no justice to the truth."
(I think *does* should not be in this place. You can replace it with *do* or *provide*)
"The true story began with the Twin Mothers who have created the Seven and the world, and the Seven created men, and together, the Seven and me spun such glorious legends, until the Twin Mothers and Seven fell silent within the world, until men thought the Twin Mothers and Seven were but tall tales, and other Gods rose from the earth, and with them Empires were built and burnt."
(This sentence is too long and confusing. You might just want to break it into parts to make it more clear as this looks like an important input for the plot. And instead of Seven and *me*, you could use Seven and *I*)
Some phrases and lines that I loved:
Stories. They grow greater with each telling.
Sometimes the thoughts are mine. Sometimes they belong to someone else. Sometimes they bleed into each other and I cannot tell where one strand begins and another ends.
Good luck for the story. Happy writing
Hello Zen,
Myjaspercat here for a review...
Before I go into more depth with my review, I want to mention that I think you have a really good story line here. I also think that this can become very great with some revision. That being said, let's start from the beginning...
1.) My first question is why did you capitalize and bold the first word. Does this word, 'there' have any significance to the rest of the story. My answer, no, since 'there' is such a simple word. So, why did you do this?
2.) My second question has to do more with intrigue rather then what I would think is wrong. I like the concept of this tower and how it has no door and only a small sliver for a window. So as a curious reader, I want to know how someone get's themselves into this tower. Even if only one person has been there and they haven't left, how did this person get there in the first place. Just wondering...
3.) "In the old stories, great heroes weather harsh oceans to the ill-frequented Tower, where they would kneel a full night at the Tower’s feet and be rewarded with a piece of rare truth from an old woman come the next morn."
---So I have a few things I want to mention from this expert....
A. The first part of the sentence doesn't make much sense from here. I don't understand what you mean when you say 'great heroes weather harsh...' to me, there seems to be a lack of transition between these two thoughts. Maybe you could touch up and fix it up a little.
B. Why do you say 'an old women', from what I read previously, I thought there was only one person at the tower and it is always an old women. So, instead of saying 'an old women' maybe you could say 'the old women.'
C. My last concern is how you use the word morn, I get that this is your story and you are the author but as another writer, I want to mention that it doesn't seem (in my opinion) to flow with the rest of the sentence. If you want to keep this word then fine but just something to think upon.
4.) "No one knows her age. No one knows if there was one woman who had lived forever, or if there were many, one after another. "
---If no one knows the age, how do they know that it is an old women. Second, if there were to be more then one after another, then how would they get into the tower (kind of ties in with question 2).
5.) "Stories and lies. They grow greater with each telling."
---From what I have written, I would think that this story of the tower and its inhabitant, was more of a fable kind of story, how can a fable lie. You might want to watch how you write and how it might seem to other reader so you don't confuse them.
6.) " Each day, I write words. Each night, I burn the day’s work, because my words are clumsy and poor and does no justice to the truth."
---I really like this. I think it really works, and kind of seems like something any writer can connect to if you know what I mean.
Ok, so I am going to stop there in my 'line-by-line'. I do like this idea like I mentioned above but there are still some more things I want to touch up in the overview...
For one as I read it I thought that the narrator (or speaker) was male because of the voice, but as I continued further on I realized it was a female. This struck me as odd, because of the way it was written. Remember that when you are writing a story you need to take into account not only dialogue but the over all story how it is written and that it follows a normal tone of voice. (If I make any sense).
Secondly to me this seems more like a prologue rather then a first chapter. You don't have to make it so, but I am just bring to air what I thought as I read this.
Finally the description you use is fairly well. It was able to pull me in as your reader which is good, so there isn't really much you can do with that, yet,
I hope I helped bring to light some issues and something that you are doing well with, it's also kind of late where I am and I just got finished with finals today so I hope I made sense and that I wasn't rambling. If you have any questions feel free to message me and ask, I will get back to you. Can't wait to read more. Good Luck and Continue writing. --Myjaspercat
------
"Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind." -- Rudyard Kipling
"When you look at a field of dandelions, you can either see a hundred weeds, or a thousand wishes."-- unknown
I agree with your third point up there. That paragraph's awkward
Made some changes.