Young Writers Society

¡Hola! I simply popped in to give some advice, of course, in a positive way of suggesting changes!

What I liked:

1.) The vocabulary wasn't "easy", " big", "small", "the thingy", etc. Your use of a more moderate to advanced level of vocab was superb!

2.) The essay topic. Writing about the concept of writing can be pretty fun, right? You can add humor, sarcasm, deep yet realistic truth, and/or a happier theme.

What I Suggest Can Be Improved:

1.) The incessant use of "author". Synonyms can easily replace that word. Some examples include, but are not limited to: writer, novelist, playwright, poet, essayist, biographer, columnist, reporter, scribe, wordsmith, penman, scribbler, and correspondent. Certainly you don't have to use all of these, but try to refrain from "author" in every line/paragraph.

2.) Sentence length and structure. Please check out this link to explain what I offer: http://quotespictures.net/quotes-pictur ... rovost.jpg


3.) Contractions. I heard from my English teacher that the use of these (and others that are unlisted) "don't/won't/couldn't/can't/shouldn't/I'd/I'll/I'm" etc... are words to avoid. Lengthen them out. It will make the word count a wee bit higher.

4.) Repetition. "When I was five years of age" is repeated in the first and second paragraph. I don't think I noticed

5.) Prolong your reasons and add evidence! A good way to write an essay is if you have heard of the CLEW (Claim, Lead, Evidence, Warrant) structure. You write a compelling claim for the topic sentence and begin your next one by using a lead-in word (such as: therefore, according to, by all means, nevertheless). The evidence is when you pull a quote from a trusted source/person/book with correct citations, which helps to emphasize your side on the issue at hand. The warrant gives a summary to wrap up what you talked about, and ends with a final, strong statement.

6.) Re-read your writing!

"I’ve always profoundly enjoyed literature since I was five years of age. Therefore, I should become an author." Since these are the first two lines of your essay, for one, they need to be stronger and varied, and for two, you need to list more reasons before jumping to the word 'therefore'. Perhaps the opening sentence can be written as: "Literature has come as a fervent enjoyment to me since I was no more than an eager child, who picked up my first storybook and was instantaneously compelled to dive into a world of twenty-six letters strung together to create stories of harmony and hardship, destruction and rebirth of characters who share their powerful, realistic account of life as they know it."

I would actually love to rewrite this essay with you, to help it flow naturally. By the way, I'm fifteen, but I go by Blue.

Thank you for listening and reading this long review! I didn't say any of this for the points; rather I left a review because I know I can and would be willing to help! Leave a message on my wall if you'd like to talk about it - hopefully you didn't have to turn it in yet!

Have a marvelous day, Zelda! (I know I gave more improvements than what I liked, but I only aim to watch your writing become dazzling for the mind and fantastic for the eyes.

Best regards,

Blue

Hi I am here to leave you a review.

I am mostly going to focus on the structure of this essay since it is an argumentative one.
So the ideal way to write an argumentative essay is to have an introduction which starts off with a general idea then starts to focus more on what the subject of the essay will be about (I know it as the V shape structure). In your case you directly focused on the subject matter and simply stated that there are many ways to explain why you believe so.

The other paragraphs should have a topic sentence which is a sentence showing what reason you will be explaining in the following sentences. The first paragraph (after introduction) does follow this structure however the second one does not. This is because you first stated a fact (authors are amiable people) and instead of giving a reason why you decided to state another fact. Hence the 'in addition' part was not needed since you could have easily combined them to be one sentence.

I found the essay to be a bit short and the reasoning behind your statement of I should be a writer a bit lacking as it focused a lot on how its 'easy' for you due to the fact that you are passionate about it. I think you could have found a bit more interesting and original ideas as inputs.

However I do like the use of diction and I think you have good potential.

Keep writing!
~RS

Hi, first off, welcome to the site! I hope you're enjoying it here so far

Specifics

1.

I’ve always profoundly enjoyed literature since I was five years of age.

Therefore, I should become an author. This is the quintessential job for me at this time. This can be supported in many ways, and by many things.

My fondness of books hasn’t ebbed since I was budding.

If there was ever a job more prominent for me, I can’t cognizes recognize what it would be.

Some may suggest I shouldn’t be an author. They say things such as, ‘But you enjoy drawing,’ or ‘What of your clarinet?’ These are also activities I enjoy, but they’re just hobbies to me. Nevertheless, I would not relish them as a full-time employment. I would rather author stories for readers to enjoy.