Envy?
Envy is when you realize
That your being has reached its peak.
That you can do no more
Than what you have already done.
Envy is realizing these things
But then seeing someone who can and will
Advance far past your maximum.
And yet, you feel no bitterness,
Or resentment. Instead,
You help them.
You guide them through
What you could never reach.
Fully realizing this fact
is what safeguards your envy
From becoming twisted, corrupted jealousy.
You continue to aid them
Along that seemingly impossible path.
And you love them
For being able to go where you cannot.
You care for them
For having the ability to be who you could never be.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,563 Literary Works • 672,044 Reviews
Hello NightWolf here to review your poem today.
The passion and emotion in this is very clear, I can just see it through your words.
I see no grammatical errors so congratulations here. I have only one nitpick for you, and it's rare I see poems like this.
The first line doesn't deliver the standard of the rest of the poem. In fact, it doesn't make a lot of sense. I would change it to, "What is envy?".
You have clearly portrayed what envy is, and you do not hide the meaning behind with fancy metaphors and the like. Also, I particularly like how you avoid the cliche meaning of jealousy. Well done!
I originally suggested "What is envy?" to my English teacher and she suggested to cut "What is" out. It's supposed to be like you're asking me what envy is.
I enjoyed the quiet passion of this poem, it tempers the powerful words and emotions you're trying to convey. My only issue is with the first statement, "Envy?"
In my opinion, it detracts from the conviction of everything that follows. I understand that purpose of the poem is to answer or clarify the bigger question, "what is Envy?" but you portrayed it so well, that by the end the question doesn't even need asking.
All the same, thank you.
I originally suggested "What is envy?" to my English teacher and she suggested to cut "What is" out. It's supposed to be like you're asking me what envy is.
Hi there!
I think you could do better with making this a complete sentence, instead of a single word. I think it will get the message across better. ex. "What is envy"
Okay, so my major nitpick is - never ever ever use the bold tags in your work, unless it is the title you're accenting. It's distracting, it breaks the flow of the story/poem, and it just isn't right. It's pretty much against the book of grammar.
Overall, I think you did a nice job with portraying what envy is with your examples. I especially liked that you included how to avoid feeling jealousy! Your poem also had a clean, clear flow, even though I really hated the way this poem was formatted (not your fault!)
Nice work! It was a pleasure to read.
~Iggy
I originally suggested "What is envy?" to my English teacher and she suggested to cut "What is" out. It's supposed to be like you're asking me what envy is.
Oh, okay.
Hello, hope you benefit from my review. An amazing job done and you' ve described this emotion to its fullest. I love the way you have started this poem- with a question nailing your poem just to the point. The ending is also very suitable; just suddenly concludes it. Though, I spent minutes looking for a mistake, I could not find one. I love the depth of this poem and hope you would continue writing something on this line.
- Anshira
Hi there! I don't believe I've reviewed for you before, so it's nice to meet you! First things first, I really enjoyed this piece. I feel that you got your point across directly with no conflicting messages. The passion and fire is there, just as it needs to be for any poem such as this one. One thing I would like to note as someone that has been writing for a very long time: always let your words do the talking, not your punctuation or formatting. If you have to bold or italicize something to get it to say what you want, then you haven't used the right words. What I did when I opened this poem up was I first read it without the format, and then with the format, and I found that, even without the font changes, it read the same way. Our minds will automatically emphasize certain words as we see them, and when you have the right words in usage, you won't need exclamation points, you won't need font changes, and you won't need italics. I feel like this piece would look better and read better (and more dramatically) without the italics/bolding.
Another note, this line:
"And yet, you feel no bitterness,
Or resentment. Instead,"
Is quite awkward. I quite dislike the split between bitterness/resentment. I feel that it would read better in a format similar to this:
"And yet, you feel no bitterness,
No resentment. But Instead,"
Just a suggestion, might make the work slightly less choppy in this region, though it is grammatically correct.
I love the poem as is, but a few corrections could make it even better!
Good job, good luck, and keep writing!
I appreciate the help! I knew that part was kind of weird when I wrote it but couldn't figure out how to fix it at the time. Thank you for the constructive criticism; I'll be sure to use it later.
Cheers!
I am very glad I could help!
Hey wewinwelose! Just a helpful tip - when quoting a part of the story, use the quote tags! You can use BBCode when reviewing! If you don't know, the codes for quoting is - [ quote ] [ / quote ] (remove spaces)
I thought that this poem was beautiful and deep i would like to see more of this.