Published November 14, 2007
My Bridge
My bridge has stood through warmth and cold,
And it has held both young and old.
It has stood for many years,
And it has felt both happiness and tears.
It has had many vistitors,
Some good, some bad, and some a mix.
The good just come to stop and stare,
But the bad may just write everywhere.
Some teens may think they have retro styled it,
But all they've done is torn and tied it.
Some have bumped and some have shot,
Why some have even shot a spot.
It's ripped and ruined,
It's trashed and torn.
But it's my bridge,
But left,
Forlorn.
Do you like it? I would like to know because I wrote it last summer right off the top of my head. I want to know if it's good or not! Please tell me!
-zappy77
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141,311 Literary Works • 674,340 Reviews
Okay. I don't like this much at all. To begin with I though it was going to be good, but then it just went down hill.
To begin with, I think you should use "The" instead of "my" in the first line. It shows the nature of the bridge, that it could not possibly be owned, and after that your examples should flow with all of the events the bridge had.
After a pint, and I am not completely sure where that point is, it loses focus. I start to want to skim over the rest and get to the end already. You lose my attention.
It also seems to lack a purpose. I understand that it is a poem and it can be about anything and all that but this really seems to go nowhere. It lacks an end, and well as most of the middle. It does however have a beginning.
I think you need to go back and look this over, chose what you really like and keep that - then re write from there. I like the concept, and the idea of the bridge, I just think it could be written better.
Keep it up.
*Hearts* Le Penguin.
Wow, It's very good. You did a great job with the rhyming, except for line 5 and 6, they don't rhyme. But overall, still a very very nice poem. Keep up the good work!
~Spirit