[untitled]
Once, I walked along the shores of Lake Superior,
on the cradled, massaged, thrown & ancient stones,
barefoot
in April, scarcely a fortnight since Winter's end.
The waves were not shocking
nor gentle,
only small—persistently trudging over the stones, pebbles,
agates, driftwood.
My feet, glaringly white after a half year of Winter,
stepping tenderly over the rocks,
were numbed and frozen—
a deep ache moved from my toes
to my heels
and up my ankles
and finally into my chest.
I spoke to the lake;
I stepped away from myself and heard,
saw,
let the waves move over my feet and knew—
knew the barren, lonely, cold lapping,
knew the infinity of Superior,
knew the relief of white-caps, the relief of a
growing wave collapsing on itself,
knew the whisper of water charging and then retreating over sands,
knew the ancient smoothness of the agate.
Then I looked to the sunless, gray sky,
turned to face the azure horizon
and did not look back again.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Very, VERY good. It's a beautiful description, and like someone said before, it gave me shivers almost! It plays with the emotions very well, and again I must say you did a beautiful job with the description. Great job!
Mary
WOW.
Your imagery was so intense, it practically gave me shivers! You can almost feel the cold you describe; it was that precise. It gave an very haunting feeling. The pictures in left in your mind seem to resonate in your head after reading this.
WOW.
I loved this poem, especially the poweful ending. You have quite an adept hand there.... Otherwise, my only suggestion is that when you are describing something you, much like I, have a common problem - we want to use so many beautiful words. Sometimes, tragically so, you have to cut those down before your poem becomes more of a vocabulary display than an actual poem. This didn't threaten THIS poem but I see the beginning of the problem and don't want it to infiltrate your future works.
Beautiful. Quite similar to living on Lake Michigan in winter. Brings back some good memories.
Awesome poem.