Published March 20, 2006
Pain Come Softly
Believe me like you did before the rain,
like when with Night we sang the hymn of lost
travail. Empirical intents attain
the whims of times and bridges we have crossed.
Engulf me in your heaving soul, to show
that love is thrown between both Heav’n and Hell.
Those days that crawl like moons across the snow
will gaze upon the arms of Life’s farewell.
O pain, O pain, come softly on the day,
and move your whims with pulsing, light concern,
and sing to Peace’s throaty, husky bay
that thunder comes at daylight’s black return.
When finally sentries hear the warrior’s cry,
you seize me and together we will fly.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,948 Literary Works • 673,779 Reviews
I liked it, but I didn't like the line breaks in the first stanza. IMO, you should never put a period in the middle of a line. Seems like someone was forcing a rhyme...but other than that, the rhyming was barely there.
I liked this stanza. :thumb:
You have a good sense of imagery... i especially liked:
your whims with pulsing, light concern,
and sing to Peace’s throaty, husky bay
that thunder comes at daylight’s black return
Overall, very unique. Good job!
Great work. I love the words you chose..this is wonderful.