Only a Lost Child
"To betray is to love
without choosing,"
you said as we stood
alone at twilight.
I only bit the inside
of my lip and looked
at you
(past you.)
Someone's hand touched my face;
it felt so foreign.
I only let it stay
and felt much colder
than before.
I should have known
never to trust a poet;
they only build fires
and feed them with the souls
of lost little boys who they leave
weeping in the road.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
this worked. however, it used "you" twice in four words. ack. it just sounded awkward read aloud.
i sort of get the point you were trying to make here, but I believe it could've been said better. very plain, sort of drawn out, it was the only bland part i found in this poem. otherwise, i enjoyed this.
Oh, lovely poem.
I'm not much good at critiquing poems, but I'm in a poem-y mood this morning so I figured I'd take a crack at it. You, however, completely killed my desire to be critcial; this is one of those poems that flows so wonderfully and has such beautiful imagery that I want to memorize just so I can think of it when life seems dull (I actually did this one time and got made fun of for it for ages, lol).
I was trying to decide which was my favourite stanza, but they were all great. Short and sweet has done the trick once again. Nice work!
Intresting..a bit confusing the stanza's well there a bit off rythem I should say.
I think it would sound better if you add ''the'' here
Why the break here ?? Confusing..
This is my suggestion, still you'd have to work on it a bit more to place the rythem
This is verryy akward I'm sorry, Between the first 2 lines and the rest there's like something missing
Probably the best Stanza out there, the grammar that is. But this jumps to conclusions so fast
them ?? who is ''them'' the fires ??
Okay then, I think you really need to work hard on this one, Its definitely worth working on.
And Excuse me for my crookedness
Nice job
Very...I cannot find the word.
I enjoyed reading this poem, but did not understand as much as I would like to.
My favorite stanza would have to be the last one..
-*Shimmer
I'd really liked it!!! It's a bit confusing though.