Deleted

by ZanyPlebeian
  • January 18, 2006
  • Poetry
  • Dramatic

*I apologize*

Comments & reviews · 1
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xanthan gum
Review
xanthan gum wrote a review · Wed Jan 18, 2006 2:23 am

1) because it's wordy, add more line breaks
2) use "and" instead of "&"
3) delete the repeat of "memory" from the thrid paragraph

otherwise, i LOVED the imagery
and i LOVED the meaning...and wow this has really, really good potential. you can tell because i had short, simple edits instead of long wordy and vague ones that try to cover up the real meaning of how i felt =]

good job. really.



The highlighted children are not mine.
— AresFig