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Pearls from the Ocean Floor

by Zaibae


I know it hurts

as you struggle

to break through the surface

as the depth and pressure

makes you claustrophobic

as the pain and trouble

makes you want to give up

but you can’t,

you have to keep on hoping

because you are a survivor

and you can break into the light

you are strong enough

just think of this;

you can either

stay at the bottom and drown

or collect some pearls

from the ocean floor

and swim on your way.

- Zaibae


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28 Reviews


Points: 629
Reviews: 28

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Wed Nov 27, 2019 1:13 pm
LZPianoGirl wrote a review...



The poem is very descriptive and you can really feel the seasons. I really liked the ending and think it easily sums up this piece. The title is quirky, which is wonderful. It really drew me in to reading this. The poem also flows very nicely and has several good metaphors. The pearls were really a good idea and represent moving on. Keep on writing poems, I look forward to reading them.




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150 Reviews


Points: 12425
Reviews: 150

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Wed Nov 20, 2019 9:05 pm
KatjaDawn wrote a review...



Hey Zaibae! Katja here to review your poem, "Pearls from the Ocean Floor". As with all of my reviews please feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions if you find them unhelpful. With that being said, let's get into the review~

Overall Thoughts

I love the message of the poem, which seems to encourage the reader to keep going even when things get tough- because, at the end of struggling, things get better. Or in this case, when you sink to the bottom of the ocean you can either drown or collect pearls and swim away. I like that this points out that we can take good from a bad situation- learn from it and go forward having made the best out of a bad situation.~ The poem itself flowed nicely and was a lovely metaphor showing us we can find beauty through the pain.

Suggestions

I suggest using appropriate capitals and punctuation throughout the poem. Though you use capitals in the first word and punctuation here and there, there are plenty of stops that also could have punctuation and capitals to start the next line~ or completely ditch punctuation and capitals altogether- either way would help the poem feel more consistent- and I am leaning more towards no capitals or punctuation since your poem has short lines and a less formal feel to it. Just my thoughts and neither is correct or incorrect. This is a style choice and therefore only an opinion suggestion~

Summary

Your poem has a pleasant message and lovely use of imagery. I had no major suggestions for you today- only an opinion suggestion on punctuation~ I hope my review was helpful. I look forward to reading more of your work soon,

Keep Writing,

~Katja




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Points: 121
Reviews: 2

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Tue Nov 19, 2019 8:30 pm
Siena wrote a review...



Hi Zaibae!

Thank you so much for this poem! It is so encouraging! The poem pushes people to keep going without minimizing the very real struggles in life. I particularly loved the lines,

¨because you are a survivor

and you can break into the light¨.

I also loved the idea of the pearls in the poem. As if the pearls are the small, beautiful things in life we can cherish and be thankful for.

For someone such as myself, who often has a hard time staying afloat in life, I thought this poem was absolutely beautiful. Thank you again!

-Siena <3




Zaibae says...


Hello Siena!

Thank you so much for your lovely review!! I'm so glad you like the poem and that you can relate.

Much love,
Zaibae




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It's all a matter of perspective. Everyone is the hero of their own story, and the villain of another's.
— James