I fall againI fall I fall I never stop
Deeper than ever before
And I just can't get you outta my mind
In a crowded room you stick out
There's nowhere I don't see you
And my feelings just don't help
Neither do my social insecurities
But when I see you it makes me turn red
And no one else can do that
But I just can't bring myself to ask you
Cuz it never feels right to ask
I mean
You're way out of my league
And you barely know me
But there are things that I feel
That I can't explain
Like how I lose my voice when I see your face
Or how I would take a bullet for you
And how I don't want anyone to know about it
And it hurts sometimes
Not being with you
But I stay in my lane
And I don't try to get closer to you
Simply because I can't
I'm socially inept when it comes to things like this
And I just can't help it
I can't say it
And I definitely can't sing it
So I wrote it down
My true feelings
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140,820 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Hey!
Well that poem is great. It's like a girl or a boy falling in love and losing their minds. Like I still remember when my boyfriend couldn't say anything to me before our relationship cause he was shy. It just brings out the actual self. Like we all feel shy. And yes it's a great way to say someone. I also did it. Writing. And this poem is great. Hope I'll see more. Check out mine too and let's be friends. Lol. I hope you get that someone you like xx.
This is a great poem! It has a nice flow, and I like the emotional value in it. There are just two things I'd like to point out.
First of all, at the very beginning, you missed a space, but I think FlamingPhoenix pointed that out, so I won't go into to much detail.
Second, this one doesn't bother me too much, because I do it all the time, but technically "Cuz" should be " 'cause" because Cuz is short for cousin.
That's it. I really enjoyed this poem. Keep writing, and welcome to YWS!
Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you on this lovely day, and to help get your work out the green room for you.
Right, let's begin.
So I only saw one thing out of the whole poem that needs to be fixed. And its a very small thing.
Okay so the again and the I needs a space between them, and I'm sure you know that, so I think this was just a small typo, and don't worry everyone does it.
Okay onto the good things.
When I saw the name I new I had to come and read your poem, and I'm really glad I did, and I'll get to why in a moment. I think the name you picked fit's the poem very well, and it hold the power to bring people in when they see it, so great job.
Now as I was reading your poem, I think the flow was really good, I didn't have any trouble, your punctuation was great and so was your spelling.
I think the length of your poem was perfect, it wasn't to long nor to short.
The thing that got to me the most was the words you picked for this poem, I mean there are so many words you could have used but you managed to get the best, and not only that, but the emotion you put into this poem got carried along through your words very well, I could feel everything you wanted me to feel. So really great job.
Well that's all from me for now. I'm really glad I got the chance to review and read your work, it was really fun. I hope you will never stop writing and post something new on YWS soon. Have a great day or night.
Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.
Hello,
This is a really nicely written poem! Your structure is great, your lines flow smoothly together, and you convey a good amount of emotion. I like your concept of "writing down your true feelings" when you can't find the words or actions to express it. Just a couple things I want to point out...
"I fall againI fall I fall I never stop"
In this quotation, I would recommend separating this into two lines so it appears better to read. The words "I fall again" can be one line, and "I fall, I fall, I never stop" can be the second line. This just gives readers a chance to pause between each line for effect. (Also, add in those commas I wrote in!)
"And I definitely can't sing it"
I dont think this above line is necessary, it may be better to cut it... but it still works either way.
That's all from me! Welcome to YWS by the way... I hope to read more from you!
Keep Writing