If you’re smart and wish to maintain a clean record you would find any possible way to stay awake during Mr. Pereira’s physics lesson. However, one fine day, I was not so smart and the inevitable occurred.
The constant explanation of physics equations and Newton’s laws of gravitation had joined forces to bore me. My handwriting had begun to lose form and journey to the next page in a slurry manner. Mr. Pereira’s monotonous voice lulled me to sleep. With great difficulty I tried to stay awake. Eventually after many vain attempts darkness filled me.
“You! The one with the black shirt,” I heard a voice bellow. I didn’t stir. Someone nudged me. I opened my sleep greedy eyes with an effort. I see a short, pot bellied man pointing his sausage like finger in my direction. His ears are red and fuming.
“Me Sir?” the terrified boy next to me asked in a meek voice.
“No, not you stupid boy! The girl next to you,” came a thunderous reply.
“Me Sir?” I asked standing up, fully awake, now that my brain began to prepare for its imminent death.
“Yes you. What do you think you’re doing sleeping during my lesson?” Mr Pereira asked. His taut position and cold, piggish eyes waited for an answer.
“Sorry Sir, I didn’t mean to doze off,” I stammered.
“Do I bore you? Do you know everything in the physics book?” he questioned sarcastically eyes rolling.
I shook my head and said nothing.
“Then why in Newton’s name are you sleeping when I am teaching? Get out of my class!” he yelled, making all the other students jump in their seats.
“Okay...S...Sir” I said gathering up my things.
“Come back in 50 minutes” Sir had called out after me as I headed towards the door. I looked back, nodded and Sir continued his mind-numbing ritual of explanation.
Wow! 50 minutes, I thought. That’s not so bad. Sure I’ll miss a whole lot of work but I would probably be asleep anyway. Might as well enjoy these 50 minutes of my punishment and copy the work from someone else. He must have really hated to have me in class, I kept wondering.
I strolled around the campus aimlessly, taking quick glances at my watch to keep track of my 50 minutes. I paid a visit to the library, read the sports section from the daily newspaper and finally made my way towards the cafeteria. I treated myself to cup of coffee and with 5 minutes to spare dragged myself back to the jaws of physics. I tapped the door and took a step inside. Mrs Trunchbulls’ husband awaited me. He seemed outrageous but a calm demeanour had masked his fury.
“What time did I ask you to leave my class Madam?” Mr Pereira asked smoothly.
“Around 8.15 Sir...” I replied slowly. His icy tone warned me of oncoming danger.
“And what time is it now?”
“Sharp 9.00 Sir.” Maybe he’s mad that I came early I reasoned with myself. “I came back with 5 minutes to spare” I said in proud yet hesitant tone.
Mr Pereira walked over to me and stood. Despite his stout appearance I felt as if he was towering over me, eyes blazing.
“I told you to come back in 15 minutes,” he exploded, spraying saliva all over my face, “Not 50 minutes you stupid fool!”
I stared at Mr Pereira, mouth hanging wide open, completely dumbstruck. “I’m sorry...Sir...I...I must have misheard you...” Physics equations danced mockingly around me. Time had stopped and an expression of confusion crossed my face. I try to suppress a losers’ giggle but my classmates give me away.
“Meet me in my office in 10 minutes. Do you hear me well enough? I said 10 minutes” growled Mr Pereira, “I wish to have a word with you.”
I swallowed my giggle and tried to understand where I went wrong.
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello, steampowered here with a review! To be honest, I can’t understand how this has been hanging around in the Green Room for so long, since it was really well-written and I enjoyed reading it (I love humorous works, but I never really find that many) And, as someone who is constantly mishearing what my friends, family and teachers say to me, I can totally identify with the narrator.
Overall, I don’t have any criticisms – you have a really good command of the English language, and I would love to read more of your work. It was short, sweet, funny and engaging. However, I do have a couple of small nitpicks:
Whoa, tense change! This should be in the past tense.
There should be a comma between “sarcastically” and “eyes rolling”.
I would personally write numbers out as words and not numerals – it makes your work look a lot more literary.
This should be “Trunchbull’s” – since it’s the husband of Mrs Trunchbull (Matilda reference, am I right?)
Generally, the rest of what I was going to say has already been said by Autumns, so I’m going to leave this review here, and apologise that it took so long for this work to get two reviews. Hopefully you’ll get some more!
Keep writing!
-steampowered-
Hey there!
First, let's just have a quick overview of the whole short-story and then some suggestions that I would like to make about this piece.
Based on a simple instance of the narrator confusing the number 15 with 50, true to its genre, this story is indeed humorous. It was a refreshing read.
Now, nitpicks:
You're narrating an event that occurred in the past. Tense rules say that it should be "prepared" and not "prepares."
Now, some suggestions for you:
What you can add to this story is maybe magnify the character of Mr. Pereira. Something other than him being "pot-bellied" and having "sausage-like fingers". Tell the reader more about the physics teacher, is he funny? If yes, what makes him seem funny to the students? This will aid the reader's imagination, because otherwise, he looks like any ordinary teacher. You could include some humorous aspects in his character.
Also if the 15-50 confusion is based on the wrong interpretation of Mr. Pereira's words by the narrator,
then the above sentence shouldn't be within quotation marks. You can instead write for instance, that "Sir told me to come back in 50 minutes." Quotation marks imply a sentence being quoted in the form in which it is spoken, which it isn't true in this case.
Another suggestion, how about making this story even funnier:
What if, at the end here Mr. Pereira, instead of 10 minutes, says 13 and the narrator comes after 30 minutes! Think about it! This way you multiply the humor level of your story, and have an open ending.
I hope my review could help,
Keep Writing!
Love,
Au.