Published May 25, 2020
Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
What is a Dark Room?
It's a place you don't wanna be
It's a place you go to pay your landlord
However you may please
We're all kidnapped before we've even grown to know where we were
And some make it out alive
Others don't
All your worst fears live there
All your worst nightmares come alive there
All the monsters become awaken
Unhappy, evil souls who used to be people
Who throw you into your own very Dark Room
They breathe down your neck
And as their spit is poison to your skin
They force you
Pressure you
Into all the negativity
Forced to listen to it
24/7
Brainwash you into believing it
They drain you out
Until there's nothing left for them to take
They abandon you
So what is a Dark Room?
A concrete room
Too much and too quiet
With all the tools
All the weapons you could ever imagine
And sometimes
In the quiet
The worst place to be is inside your own head
So when you can't take it anymore
You lay there
Broken down
Start encrypting upon your own body
Swallow poison place inside bottle-capped capsules
Hoping it will all just end
One of three times it does
So you keep trying
Over
And over again
But I felt no use in staying here
In the end
Turned everything around
And I
Was the hero of my own bloody
Story.
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140,268 Literary Works • 673,077 Reviews
Hey there!
This is quite an interesting poem. Your title is intriguing, and your capitalization of "Dark Room" caught my attention. I have a few suggestions, that of course, you don't have to take, but I would like to point them out.
I think stanzas would benefit your poem, for right now, it's a big block of words. Stanzas would make your poem less intimidating and more inviting to read.
Your line length is on the shorter side, but sometimes, you have very long lines. I would also recommend being consistent in your line length. You can split longer lines into two lines to accomplish this.
"It's a place you don't wanna be"
"24/7"
I understand that this may be a stylistic choice, but personally, I would change "wanna be" to "want to be" and change the "24/7" to something else that also gives the same impression of forever. Of course, this is just a suggestion, so you don't have to take it.
"All the monsters become awaken"
You can just say "All the monsters awaken"
"Swallow poison place inside bottle-capped capsules"
I believe "place" should be "placed."
Overall, I like the concept of your poem, and I hope my suggestions helped!
Hello YoursTruly, this is indeed a very dramatic poem. It is very tragic how the children in the dark room are kidnapped before they were grown and have to suffer so many hardships to the point of believing insidious lies or swallowing poison to escape. The voices might be voices in people's heads when they are left in solitude. The human mind needs interaction because homo sapiens are very sociable beings. Or so i'm told, i wouldn't know
I like the last line where you said "I was the hero of my own bloody story" and i think in a way everyone is a protagonist in their own minds.
The line "All your nightmares come alive there" is very frightening. I have arachnophobia and i would simply hate to be in the same room with ugly spiders.But it's a nice touch because it adds to the dramatic effect, adding a horror element.
The lines "Swallow poison place inside bottle-capped capsules/Hoping it will all just end" displays the desperation of the prisoners inside the room in their quest for freedom even at the expanse of their very own lives. It reminds me of trained soldiers that take lethal amounts of poison in order not to betray important secrets.
It's a very well written poem also.
Hi, here to review! Really like the poem and the unique use of a "dark room" as a metaphor is brilliant. i can really feel the dilemma you wrote about, of being in a dark room while at the same time constantly questioning why you are there. it's a beautiful poem in a nice format. Keep up the good work.
Hi Yourstruly,
Hey,I do remember the previous story you wrote which I and the other readers were unable to understand.
But this time I was really amazed while reading.
First of all your topic is the first thing to attract me.
Your beginning was perfect..."What is a Dark Room?
It's a place you don't wanna be"
Each and every detail you mentioned was absolutely true !!
I am really amazed!
Good job!!
Keep writing!
From sulagna
A very well written poem. I like the metaphor used in the poem 'dark room'.
I would like to suggest some changes to make:
1. In the following line, I think there is no need to add "become":
"All the monsters become awaken"
2. I feel like the line, "Too much and too quiet", is incomplete. Maybe you could edit it to "too much too handle and too quiet to stay" or something.
3. "Swallow poison place inside bottle-capped capsules"
In the line above, you can write 'placed' instead of 'place'.
"One of three times it does
So you keep trying
Over
And over again"
I liked the lines above as it bring out a tiny hope within oneself to keep trying.
It's a dark poem, telling the reality of life. Everybody has their own dark room, its just their decision to stay there or come out of it. I could make out the clarity of thought you have. Keep writing!
Best wishes,
I