Chapter One
I slammed my door as my autistic brother ran down the hallway screaming. I put my hand over my ears to cover up the crying. Over Ravioli. He was crying over Ravioli. I hate my life. I said it over, over, and over again. I had bad grades, my dad can't go one night without getting drunk, my dumb brother was ruining my life and worst of all, I'm bullied. It's so atupid how God is making ME go through this! What did I do to him? " Julyanne, Julyanne! Get down here! We leave in three minutes. Don't forget about your dance recital," my mother LOVES to nag me.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay....wow, well this is quite a chaotic start here despite how small this particular paragraph is. There are so many ideas and details that it tries to bring across here...and I do have to say that it comes off as a tiny bit of a mess in that sense. This contains at least four separate ideas that would benefit from getting their own much more fleshed out paragraph here.
First we've got this autistic younger brother that this one seems to be aware of the condition of but still seems to hate because of potentially something that said younger brother really can't control, so well that gives a nice outline if this person's personality and character right there. Then we've got the mother scene where I really can't see any evidence whatsoever to support that she's a nagging person...the father and the bad grades are the only thing that look somewhat like problems, and even the grades you can't exactly is not this person's own fault, so you seem to be creating a pretty unlikeable character right here.
Overall, its an interesting piece here, with a character that looks like they're a pretty rude and unsympathetic person here...definitely lots of room for some character development at any rate.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry