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Mother's Gaze

by Youbeaucupid


In shadows cast by judgment's light,
A tale unfolds of an endless night.
"My own mother thought I was a monster,
She was right," echoes the ghostly whisper.

A misunderstood soul, a heart unseen,
In the mirror of scorn, reflections keen.
The wounds cut deep, emotions raw,
Yet within the darkness, resilience to draw.

A monstrous label, unfairly bestowed,
Yet beneath the surface, a story untold.
The pain of rejection, a heavy burden to bear,
But strength emerges from the depths of despair.

In solitude's embrace, a journey begins,
To prove the worth within the misunderstood sins.
For every scar tells a tale of strife,
A metamorphosis from darkness to life.

Oh, mother's gaze, a piercing knife,
Yet redemption blooms in the garden of strife.
For in the depths where shadows play,
A resilient spirit finds its way.

Through the echoes of judgment, a melody starts,
A symphony of healing, mending broken hearts.
The monster within, a misunderstood guide,
Transforms into a phoenix, soaring with pride.

So let the world judge with its cold decree,
But within the soul, a truth sets free.
For in the pain of being deemed a fright,
Rises a strength that conquers the night.


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13 Reviews

Points: 780
Reviews: 13

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Thu Feb 29, 2024 4:28 am
Lucian wrote a review...



This is a very well-written poem, good job keeping the flow together so well. It is impressive to see someone young write poetry that has actual heartfelt emotion in its lines. the portion where it said "A monstrous label, unfairly bestowed, Yet beneath the surface, a story untold." Really struck home with me. This is my first review on this site by the way. However, I believe that this was a good first poem to review.




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43 Reviews

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Thu Jan 18, 2024 4:31 am
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Avian says...



Did I catch an Avatar: The Last Airbender reference in there? I think I did, but correct me if I'm wrong. Your rhymes are beautiful as always, Cupid!!! I'm still stunned at how you make it look so easy to craft a poem that flows so well together, even when rhyming often calls for compromise.




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12 Reviews

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Reviews: 12

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Thu Jan 18, 2024 2:34 am
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LunarAirPollution says...



Hi Cupid!
I absolutely loved reading this poem! It really calls on the essence of mommy issues. I think it is so cool how you meshed the internal feelings experience with the outward perceptions of surface level judgement.
Truly an eloquent rendition of such a painful experience. I don't think Azula herself could say it any better.
I look forward to reading more of your works in the future.

xoxo




Youbeaucupid says...


Aw thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it! - %uD83D%uDC98



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Points: 137
Reviews: 6

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Thu Jan 18, 2024 12:39 am
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MannyPLator wrote a review...



I am stunned. First time I am reading a piece and see my own words in the verses. It seems you have a style similar with mine, and this can be a blessing and a curse.
You have to be careful of the "strength that conquers the night" because it's a double edged sword, it can make you, or break you. One moment here, the other, just gone.

The only problem I have with this whole poem is that it's too short. I would love to see 10-20 stanzans. Being capable of that, will take you to the next level very shortly, as a human, as a writer.

Brilliant piece, keep it up like this and never change your style, even if people don't understand it. Eventually, they will. People like us become immortal.




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6 Reviews

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Wed Jan 17, 2024 8:34 pm
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berrie wrote a review...



Hi!! I hope you're having a great day/night; I wanted to stop by and review your poem!

My initial thoughts: Right out the gate, this poem handles a darker topic with beautiful form and language, creating an interesting and tasteful juxtaposition. This comes to a head at the end, which leaves the reader on a hopeful note, expressing the idea that those who've been hurt and belittled can rise above their trauma, given the space and time to understand themselves their own self-worth.

Some thoughts and annotations:

"In shadows cast by judgment's light,
A tale unfolds of an endless night.
"My own mother thought I was a monster,
She was right," echoes the ghostly whisper."


- Your use of both dark and light as imagery create this disorienting feeling, like the "mother" figure in this poem is causing the speaker to question or doubt their own reality. Regardless of whether or not this was intentional, it helps the reader emphasize with the narrator, and I like it. Using "judgement's light" as a word for the mother's condescending gaze gives the impression of her being a sort of god-figure, which really illustrates the power that she seems to have over the speaker.

- I can see that you used a slightly different rhyme scheme for the first stanza, having rhymed light/night/right. This is just me, feel free to disregard, but I would've probably ended the first stanza with "she was right", to really let that rhyme hit home. As it stands, that part might be slightly awkward for someone to read out-loud. Again, that's just me; it's honestly hard to find anything to critique about this piece.

"A misunderstood soul, a heart unseen,
In the mirror of scorn, reflections keen.
The wounds cut deep, emotions raw,
Yet within the darkness, resilience to draw."


- This is where the speaker begins comparing the mother's verbal abuse to physical injuries, showing that both are equally damaging. I assume that the abuse described is verbal, since it's described as "judgement", but I could be mistaken.

- The speaker describes their appearance based on what they see when they look in the mirror, which seems to me like a metaphor for the fact that the way their mother sees them influences they way they see themself. This, again, reinforces that "god-figure" feel that the mother's presence has.
- In the last line, we get a hopeful note! It definitely marks a shift in the poem.

"Oh, mother's gaze, a piercing knife,
Yet redemption blooms in the garden of strife.
For in the depths where shadows play,
A resilient spirit finds its way."


- Skipping ahead just a bit, I love the line "Yet redemption blooms in the garden of strife"; it has such a dramatic weight to it, but it flows in such a light and airy way. I think it's beautiful!

"So let the world judge with its cold decree,
But within the soul, a truth sets free.
For in the pain of being deemed a fright,
Rises a strength that conquers the night."


- This last stanza reveals one more thing to us: the "mother" could also be a metaphor for any form of judgement, anyone puts their expectations on you.

Closing thoughts: A wonderful piece. Very heartfelt; it felt personal, the emotions really came through. Keep up the great work!
- Berrie





“Such nonsense!" declared Dr Greysteel. "Whoever heard of cats doing anything useful!" "Except for staring at one in a supercilious manner," said Strange. "That has a sort of moral usefulness, I suppose, in making one feel uncomfortable and encouraging sober reflection upon one's imperfections.”
— Susanna Clarke, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell