Published August 15, 2011
Yet
My
Love
Comes
Along
I See
You
Missed
Me
You
Saw
Me
Yet
You
Still
Love
Me
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Canary word: Present
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138,384 Literary Works • 672,113 Reviews
Hello.
I keep rereading it. It was a poem that kind of drew me in. With each read, it becomes better, deeper. I pick up on subtleties that I didn't notice on the previous read. That's very nice.
I like your repetition of "To life". In the end, you pull that together. Running from life, in life, to life. I thought that was cool because I hadn't really thought about it before. When you run from life, you're running in life. It's interesting.
I was confused by one thing, though.
Yes, we adapt and our children are born to look like the way we are now. But, I don't think that is what is fashionable...Well, maybe it is, if you are saying that we dress our children like us. We put our babies in those new denim diapers because it's fashionable and it's what we wear...I think you are talking more about as a species, though. Aren't you?
I just had another thought that you could repeat "to life" here, also./.. What is fashionable, in life. As I said before, I like your use of the word life throughout the piece.
McMourning
Hi there!
You forgot the 's' on the end of 'alikes'. Not a big deal, but I figured I'd point it out.
You need to add some sort of punctuation between these two words.
What do these words mean? I've never heard of them before.
What did your computer decide to type for you?
Overall this was a good piece. Though it seems as if you just sat and typed whatever came to your mind. Go back over it, and pick out the certain parts you want to keep. Keep writing!
For me this was a little confusing at first. However I did get it (eventually). Really enjoyed it and they way you've formatted it. Lovey piece.