Published September 5, 2011
Ili Fight For You
Ili Die For You
Ili Love For You
Ili Cry For You
Ili Run For You
Ili Be With You
Ili Never Would Let You Go
I’m Your Love Army
Ili Sing For You
I Wont Leave You
I’m Not Going
I’m Not A Fool For Love
Your Mine Baby Forever
You Not Going Anywhere
I’m Your Love Army
I Pick my Self Up
Can't Let You Go From Me
I'm Here For You Hunny
And I Love You
I Am You're Love Army
I'm Not Going To Leave You
Oh Baby No No (back Ground)
I'm Not Going To Hurt You
I'm Love Army
Oh Oh I'm Your Love Army
I'm Going Help You
I'm You're Love Army
I'm Let you No No Love Army (back Ground)
I'm Going To Stick And Stay Baby
I'm Your Love Army...
I'm Telling You
I'm Not Going
You're The best
Thing I Ever Know
Oh Oh Oh
I'm You're Love Army
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138,932 Literary Works • 672,413 Reviews
Hi, me again.
So I see you're sticking with your writing style, doing the caps on every letter thing. x) I've sort of gotten use to it now. So I'll just jump right on in with other things! First off though, I noticed you had this word Ili? I'm not sure if you meant I'll, but that's what I assumed you meant anyway. I'm not sure why you put Ili, when it seems like it should be I'll, but I'm going to go ahead and assume you meant what I think you meant. And if I'm correct I hope you'll change it so I don't feel as confused as I am right now!
I'm with Jas on the lyrics/poem thing. Was this meant to be like a love song? You had parenthesis indicating some sort of background thing going on, and that usually happens in songs. I'll go ahead and think of this as a poetic songy-thingy. Again, you were very simple, but I liked how the beginning started. It all just happened to roll off the tongue. It was a little catchy in some places (as in off), but it was meant to be sweet I could tell.
You say something in here that seems to contradict itself:
You write "I'm not a fool for love", but normally fools for love are the ones doing and saying all the things that the speaker is saying. So technically, he is a fool for love. I'd just make that small tweak there if I were you.
Another thing that didn't make sens to me:
This didn't read clearly in my head. I didn't understand what you were trying to say. Maybe you could elaborate a bit more? Elaborating a bit more on everything might be good, I think. I also had a few nitpicks here:
If you're meaning to say, "I'll never let you go", there's no need for the "would". Unless of course you write it as, "I would never let you go". But it has to be one or the other, and here you just seemed to combine the two.
So that's about it for the nitpicking. This could still use a little sprucing up in my opinion, but good luck with editing if you decide to do that.
-Smylin'
This poem is amazing!!! It would make a GREAT song!!!
Hey,
This is more like a poem? or lyrics maybe? You should probably ask a mod to move it to the correct forum.
I'm not quite sure what 'Ili' means but I think you meant 'I'. Uh, the topic is kind of..bland and the poem seems repetitive. However, I liked the 'Love Army' thing and if you edited and expanded more on that concept alone you'd have a nice poem. Unless these are lyrics, then just ignore me because I don't know anything about lyrics. :p
Grade: C
PM me with questions or comments.
~jas