I could hear the trembling sound of the wind
It reminded me of him,
The fear beneath my skin
A glimpse at the dark blue bruise on my shin
He would come to wrap me in his anger
Appreciate me with a scar
Kiss me with a flaw
And leave me like a dying flower.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
As someone who's been in an abusive relationship, not physically(thank God), but in other ways, this rings so true. It's very real about how terrible it is, and I love the second sentence, how it places the abusiveness in the tender moments as well is in the terrible. It's very real about how an abusive relationship is abusive in all aspects - abusive in using you, abusive in making you think it's okay, abusive in making you think that's what love is.
Onto the critiques. Really, there's nothing to critique. I could use a bit more punctuation here and there for the sake of pacing, but this poem is so short I think that it's honestly quite optional. The grammar is pretty good as well. I could do without the repetition of "my" at the end of lines 3 and 4, but it's up to you.
Overall, great job, and keep up the great work!
Hey! Thank you so much and I'm really sorry for replying after ages. I really appreciate you took out time to read it and analyze the poem. Thank you. Means a lot to me.
Hi. It's manilla here for a review.
You drop us in right away into a realistic view of a troubled woman who gets abused back at home without the woman getting hurt herself.
The irony between the supposedly affectionate actions and the truth of the abuse is so...Heartbreaking. And in the end, the narrator is just left there to die.
This poem was short and (not sweet, because the love is rotten, after all)...Sad. It leaves a lasting impression on the reader about the truth of domestic violence.
-Manilla out
(Feel free to disregard any unhelpful comments!)
Thankyou for the review. You noticed the right ironies in the poem. Just like the scars being appreciated. Thankyou so much
You're welcome
Radrook here for review. Please feel free to ignore any suggestion not deemed helpful. If I offend, apologies. It is not intended.
Thanks for sharing this poem concerning the reaction of a female who is physically abused by a male. It is really heart-rending to read about such a thing since a man;'s responsibility to protect and cherish and not to use his usually greater size and strength for that purpose. True, there are times that a man's patience is tested, but that in no way justifies that savage reaction. If indeed a man feels he cannot tolerate what a female is doing, he has the option of walking away or simply terminated the relationship[ permanently.
The poem very effectively conveys the deep sadness of the victim as the wind reminds her of her experience. Her comparing herself to a dying flower after the experiences underlines the different psychological perspective that differentiates male from female. Males might proudly identify ourselves with bulls, gorillas, stallions, sturdy mountains, oak trees, but never with a delicate flower. The poem does elicit my outrage anger and empathy via its imagery.. Shame on the fellow who does such a dastardly deed!
suggestions
There really isn't much that I might suggest. The tense is consistent, the spelling is accurate, the flow is smooth, and the tone reinforces the sense.
Looking forward to reading more of your poetry.
I'm overwhelmed after reading your comment. Since it's my first poem that I published here it lay a very positive impact on me. Thankyou so much for taking out time for me and replying such elaborately Thankyou.
Welcomed! Thanx for writing such a beautiful poem. : )