I taste the last hundred shades of autumn
As the final leaves are lifted into tomorrow,
Leading the way into an unforgiving winter,
Where tears are the color of sadness
And the ice outside matches your interior.
Echoes of blizzards and echoes of storms
In your gut, in your heart.
You are unfeeling.
The numbing allows your heart to shatter
Into unique snowflakes
And allows for the pain to invade your whole.
But you are not aware that your own shadow
Has left you under the harsh winter sun,
Because it prefers the warmth of summer.
Loving blankets and mindful cups of tea
Do not promote recovery but rather
Begins the painful thawing that comes with the
Newfound heat of spring,
Where birds are more loving than the world you know.
The last speck of ice melts
And you are overwhelmed with the gaping hole,
There is no longer any ice to soothe that wretched burning in your chest
That begs for mercy.
All you can do is watch the seasons go by
And let pain be pain until you are so accustomed to it,
That you no longer depend on being numb,
But instead you walk with a hole burned in your being
From a warmth you thought was too good to be true in the first place.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,828 Reviews
This was amazing! I thought it was fantastic how this poem was done in second person, making it sound like that you were talking to me personally. It gives it that feel of realism and that feeling you feel during the different seasons. I also love how you incorporated something to do with the seasons, and not just mentioning them. That was fantastic.
I look forward to reading more of your work, keep up the excellent work!
Very nice job on this! I like how you managed to incorporate the transition of the seasons into this poem. You pulled it off very smooth very nice job. Also, the emotion behind the words is so vivid and clear! The merciless cold of winter and the blazing heat of the summer! All I would suggest is that you separate this into stanzas so the reader doesn't have much difficulty reading this. Otherwise, it's a very pleasant poem and I enjoyed reading it! Nice work! -IceWinifredd
Wow. Emotion is like a wave. I'm sure everyone has felt this way before you're not alone. You feel cold in the winter, and blazing hot in the summer. You feel like nothing is going your way.
There is an emptiness that follows you. Is this what you meant for this piece? I don't know if i'm going in the right direction. the part where it says "And the ice outside matches your interior." doesn't really match with "There is no longer any ice to soothe that wretched burning in your chest" When did the icy feeling switch to a burning feeling? I love the poem, but I'm feeling a bit clueless. I'm the one who's messed up. The writing's fine. I'm a whirlwind of emotion right now, I've been reviewing poems for a while now. Sorry!
You're format is fine. I love poems that don't rhyme when it comes to showing emotion. Sometimes the rhymes are a bit forced, and it's easier to display it without rhymes. You captured your feelings perfectly if i'm perceiving them correctly, and you're writing itself is beautiful.
The writing makes you wonder what caused this figurative hole in your chest. When writing, it's always good to make the reader question things and wonder things.
I have nothing bad to say about this.
Signing off,
- Haywire Imagination