What did I ever do
That made you turn against me?
All I said was true
And you took everything for free.
Everything I ever did
Was give you advice
But now nothing can mend
You’ve already thrown the dice.
I listened to your problems
Then I tried to help
I heard all your screams
And I didn’t even yelp.
I was the one with you
In times of trouble and need
When you didn’t know what to do
I helped you not to bleed.
I was patient and kind
Helped you stay in control
I didn’t really mind
When you almost lost it all.
You found another friend
And drifted away from me
Not knowing she’s a fiend
Who took us apart with glee.
You started to ignore me
Saying you never do
And then turned your back on me
Said you had things to do.
I tried to understand
Everything you felt
I lent a helping hand
Then things just seemed to melt.
You hung out with her
On weekends and holidays
Then you started to purr
Like a cat on a cold day.
You’ve forgotten me
That I was your BEST FRIEND
I thought we would be free
But it was only the end.
Our friendship was over
The moment she came to be
I really felt smaller
You chose HER over ME!
How could you
Do something like this to me?
All I said was true
... And now you've broken me...
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140,590 Literary Works • 673,544 Reviews
Very good poem loved it!!:)
Awsomeness! I loved the way i felt and could relate to the writer's pain. Keep it up! Not much ot review since you're so good! =.=
Ok, just saying that this is my opinion, and that if you don't like my review, I'm okay with that.
You need to get know my friend, the comma. Here she is ,
Using the comma with help separate some of your sentances and make the piece of writng flow a little more smoothly.
Look who the comma brought along with her, her cousin the period .
You need to end some of your sentances, I saw alot of cases of run on sentances.
Other than that, and what I pointed out in the quote, I like it. It had good rhythem, (I probaly spelled that wrong) And the idea was great. Just some grammar problems. Again, I am a crazy random girl and you don't need to use any of my suggestions if you don't want to.
Hi there Yanni, Gsp here, and I'll be your reviewer for today!
I really liked this poem. I like the message it sends, and I'm sure a lot of people can relate to this. I really didn't see anything worth mentioning except for in the last stanza.
If you want the last line to be grammatically correct, it would look like this.
See the difference? Other than that, great work.
Happy YWSing, and keep writing!
~Gsp.
Hey
I liked this poem quite a bit, just i felt that at times there were a little inconsistencies, but not in the poem it self but rather you writing. don't know how to explain myself though. maybe its just my opinion but i feel that you could've joined a few stanzas, instead of spreading the poem out over such a long period, it is a bit tedious for a reader, I find it a bit boring. Then again this is just my opinion, I feel that you could join some stanzas and then extend some lines. Feel you could mix up some of your rhyme schemes.
hehe but these are all my opinions.
ToLy