z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Thank You

by YOLBYI


Thank you

 

 

Never seen the sun, been living in the dark.

Never seen the world, been blinded by the hands

Of the snake himself, choking and provoking,

A happiness embedded beyond layers of paint.

On the 31st of October was an eager encounter

Like a filter, 'twas drained, a time consuming process

Had you not  kindly intruded, and grateful am I,

That like a feather wafting from the glorious sky 

Gently but surely assuring that 

some things are purely meant to be.

Your words and thoughts inspiring me.

 

There is more to life, than what meets the eye

An observation I obtained from your unique mind. 

For everything is more than it appears to be

For everything there is a remedy

Including those thoughts that pierced my mind

Both gone be them and the years that went by,

The years of pain and unwillingness to survive.

You restored it to me, that snake had consumed

The will to live, but most importantly the desire to.

My problems resolved simply by 

You being you.

 

So thank you.

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532 Reviews

Points: 1271
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Wed May 08, 2013 10:10 pm
GeeLyria wrote a review...



Hi YOLBYI.

I'm Sol and I'm here to review for you.

So I wasn't going to write this review, but I can't just leave this URL with things unsaid. The start of this made me tilt my head, and not exactly in a good way. Because you start with a weak/worn out/cliche line, and then -BAM!- something original with a great imagery. o.o Honestly, it would be great if you could do the same thing on that first sentence; express the main point in an original, creative way. Remember that the first line of a poem is really important because it hooks the reader and helps them get adapted to atmosphere you're bringing; it should be like a little hint of what's coming. ;)

That's all I've got to say. *bows/saluts*

~GeeLyria




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Points: 2227
Reviews: 157

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Sat Apr 20, 2013 7:15 am
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arianaSarroyo says...



Sweet-I love it! This reminds me of the way I write, only enhanced.




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Points: 2227
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Sat Apr 20, 2013 7:14 am
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arianaSarroyo wrote a review...



This is beautiful and right up my alley. I love to see poems about subjects such as this "Light in the darkness". I love that verse, it's so poetic.
It reminds me of one of my poems, Voice For the voiceless, if you'd mind taking a read.

I really love the lines here. It is so well written and you used such fantastic imagery, metaphors, phrases and vocabulary here.

I feel like you have a talent here-this poem is a real beauty.

The only thing I thought you could improve on was the ending. It just seemed a bit bland compared to the rest of it.

Unrelated: "Glorious sky"-nicely thought out! :-)





i don't need to search the stars to know myself
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