thnx for all the replies THe universe!!!
i really appreciate feed back
im also glad you like my poetry
thnx again
-cagedheart♥
z
just to warn everyone, im not sure if this islyric poetry or not, so im sorry if i'm wrong. Also i have a problem with puncuation in poems, so please help if im wrong.
♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~
A puzzle with a missing piece,
A box without its crayon,
You pull me up when I am down,
With your loving hand.
The touch of your lips is like a door.
When it opens, in comes the light,
Filling my heart with beauty,
Filling it with delight.
Your voice is like the ocean,
Crashing against the shore,
Smoothing each rock to perfection,
Until the sadness is no more.
My life and heart were pointless,
Until you came along,
You turned my world upside down.
You changed my life’s song.
The smile of yours is like the sun,
Shining down with heat,
You make my life seem brighter.
Always is it a treat.
Your eyes are like magnets,
I’m drawn to them each day,
I get lost searching for answers,
Never knowing what to say.
The drums are like your laughter,
Echoing in my ears,
The sound makes me so happy,
Almost bringing me to tears.
My life and heart were pointless,
Until you came along,
You turned my world upside down.
You changed my life’s song.
Your personality’s flawless,
Like a band’s supposed to be,
How the instruments all harmonize,
The singers’ melody.
Your heart is like the lost city of gold.
Boy, is it a treasure,
Compared to yours, mine is like thread,
But never shall it sever.
Your life is like air.
It’s the thing that brings me to life,
Without you I am nothing,
With you I have no strife.
My life and heart were pointless,
Until you came along,
You turned my world upside down.
You changed my life’s song.
You turned my world upside down.
You changed my life’s song.
thnx for all the replies THe universe!!!
i really appreciate feed back
im also glad you like my poetry
thnx again
-cagedheart♥
Hey caged heart,
I have been reviewing poetry (almost) all day (have not taken a shower and its midnight) and I have to say of the ubergillion poems I've read, some by you and others, this one stood out.
XxxcagedheartxxX wrote:Your personality’s flawless,
Like a band’s supposed to be,
How the instruments all harmonize,
The singers’ melody.
-Audy
thanks! I kind of suck at puncuation in poems, lol. so thanks again! i really apreciate your input audy!
-Fallenangel27
i also appreciate yours A.F (btw dont forget, i wanna hang out sun or mon. if you dont mind )
-heart
Hey cagedheart,
The poem's in the right place It's very lyrical indeed. I like how you managed to bring similes and metaphors with each stanza, I commend you for that, it's what kept me reading. I liked also the rhythm of this and how beautiful it sounded - some places the rhymes sounded a bit force, but for the most part you kept it nice and together.
My beef with this is that it was a real long poem - and with each stanza you said the same exact thing over and over - it needn't be so long then ;P
Now as for punctuation - you punctuate a poem the same way you punctuate any piece of writing - except with poems you have a bit more freedom with the punctuation. In any case, just because you're writing poetry doesn't mean it's okay to break all the grammar rules and begin writing in sentence fragments. I'm not saying that it isn't done - it's done all the time and heck - even I write in fragments, but it's good to know exactly when and how to write that way, and to do it sparingly.
A puzzle with a missing piece,
A box without its crayon,
You pull me up when I am down,
With your loving hand.
The touch of your lips is like a door.
When it opens, in comesinthe light,
Filling my heart with beauty,
Filling it with delight.
Your voice is like the ocean,
Crashing against the shore,
Smoothing each rock to perfection,
Until the sadness is no more.
Those eyes of yours are magnets.
I’m drawn to them each day.
I get lost searching for answers,
Never knowing what to say.
My life and heart were pointless,
Until you came along.
Your personality’s flawless,
Like a bands supposed to be,
Points: 1549
Reviews: 12
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