z

Young Writers Society


18+ Language Violence Mature Content

Z-Day: Nothing Is As It Seems ~ Chapter 3.3

by XxXTheSwordsmanXxX


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

Word Count: 2152

The morning light shone through the open windows into the small store. Roy gently shook Jerry's shoulder trying to wake him. “Don't make a sound,” Roy said pointing to the front of the store. The drowsiness in his eyes all at once vanished as he saw the mass of bodies outside the windows. At the moment they just shuffled about in front of the shop not really seeming to notice the small group of people inside. “Help me get everyone up.”

Jerry nodded and moved slowly from one sleeping body to the next with the still sleeping Marian in his free hand. Getting to Beth he gently shook her shoulder. Rolling over, she opened her eyes to the mass of zombies that were lurking outside of the windows and started to let out a high-pitched scream. Jerry slapped his hand over her mouth and prayed that the small amount that had slipped through didn't alert the violent bodies outside. The entire room was silent as they waited for the inevitable; but, it never came. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief and moved back behind the counter. “What do we do now?” Greg asked in a whisper.

“There's a ladder to the roof in the back area. We'll take them out from above,” Roy said.

“Can't we just slip out the back and get the hell out of here?” Dave asked.

“All of our shit is in the truck that they're collected around. This is our best course of action.”

“How did those fuckers even know we were here?” Sue-Anne cursed.

“They were probably drawn to the sound of gunfire from practice yesterday.” Roy pushed open the door to the roof and pulled himself up. He took a quick peek over the side of the building and quickly counted. “There's at least fifty of them down there,” Roy whispered. “Anyone got any ideas?”

“Don't those things bring up oil?” Sue-Anne asked pointing to a large spire in the middle of the desert.

“Yeah, but we aren't needing to get an oil change,” Roy retorted.

“No, but oil is flammable. All we need to do is lure the zombies over to those tanks and then blow those fuckers to kingdom come.”

“It might just work,” Jerry said.

“Yeah, except for one problem. How do we lure them? The only thing they react to is noise and...” Roy was cut off by the abyssal yowl of the zombies below, “... us. Now that they know we're here they aren't gonna just go away.” The zombies below grasped at the air trying to reach the food that was just beyond their reach. Cracked fingernails dragged along the rough walls of the store in a desperate attempt to climb up.

“We could run it,” Greg said. “It's only about three or four hundred yards. I ran farther than that in cross country.”

“Are you fucking crazy?!” Roy yelled at him

“No he's right,” Jerry said. Roy turned to him like they had both lost their minds and he wasn't the only one giving them that look. “Our only shot is to draw them away so that you guys can get in the truck. But you aren't going alone.” Jerry pulled the sling of the shotgun off his shoulder and held it out to Roy.

“This is suicide!” Roy said tearing the shotgun out of Jerry's hand. “You guys will never make it!”

“It may be suicide. I'd like to think of it more like sacrifice if we die,” Greg said stretching his legs a little. “God, I hope I still got the legs for this. Young and spry fucker like you got a better chance at this than me.”

“Don't talk like that,” Jerry said playfully punching Greg in the arm. “I plan on getting you a beer after this.”

“Alright,” Sue-Anne said pulling her rifle off her shoulder. “I'll wait for you guys to get about halfway back before I blow it.”

Greg walked to the side of the building that was facing the range and smiled. “Looks like we're in luck. There's a shed down there that we can drop onto before hitting the dirt,” Greg said swinging a leg over the wall. “At least we won't break out legs.”

Jerry walked to Beth and handed Marian to her. Rubbing Marian's cheek gently, he placed a kiss on her small forehead. “If anything happens...”

“Don't,” Beth interrupted sharply. “I've lost enough friends already.”

“Take care of her for me until I get back then,” Jerry said before working his way over the wall. Dropping down onto shed the pair of runners quietly headed around to get a head start. Drawing his pistol he fired twice into the small crowd. The first bullet caught a man in the remains of a mechanic's overalls in the shoulder, staining the hole with a small tinge of crimson. The second passed through the ear of an older woman. She looked like she was in her eighties at least, but she was jumping up and down like a cheerleader before the bullet passed through her head and she dropped to the dirt.

They let out a ravenous screech and charged after Jerry and Greg. “That got their attention.” Greg commented as the two of them bolted. Jerry and Greg ran neck-an-neck down the flat plain, the wind carrying them toward the large wooden tower that gave out a clockwork clunk every few seconds. The gnashing teeth and excited screeches spurred Jerry's feet faster and faster until it felt like he wasn't even touching the ground anymore. He heart thundering in his chest and his lungs burning in their demand for more air as he started the turn to move around the churning spire.

Jerry smiled as it seemed that their plan was working. His legs burned and the stitch in his side was slowly growing. “Fuck! My ankle!” Jerry heard from behind him. He looked back and saw Greg face down in the dirt and scrambling to get to his feet again.

“Come on!” Jerry called raising his pistol and firing at the ones closest to Greg.

“Oh my God,” Sue-Anne said looking through her scope. “They're right on top of Greg!” Jerry kept firing, but he couldn't keep the zombies from grabbing Greg and dragging him back to feast on him. His screams could be heard all the way back at the gun shop. He pulled out his pistol and fired in every direction trying to get them off of him. Jerry loaded another clip into his pistol and noticed that those that weren't able to get a bite of Greg were noticing him as an easy alternative. With a frustrated yell he took off again trying to outrun the relentless zombies.

“For fucks sake, blow it already!” Roy roared.

“I can't! I'll kill Greg!” Sue-Anne said.

“If you don't blow it now then his death will mean nothing!” Dave yelled.

“I can't!” Sue-Anne cried.

Jerry felt like a weight was pressing down on his chest preventing him from getting a full breath. Glancing over his shoulder, he could see that the zombies were catching up. The first in line was a woman dressed in a jogging outfit. Normally the sight of the extremely short shorts and tight tank top would have made him take a second look, but the look of rage and hunger that filled the woman's mostly torn off face made him try to will his feet faster. Jerry was sure that at any moment he would feel those teeth biting into his neck and pull him down to be devoured by the horde behind him.

He cried out and held his ear as something bit him. Blood dripping from his ear, the jogger woman's head was flung back by something that struck her forehead. Her body arched back before sprawling out on the ground where she remained, the few runners behind her trampling over her unmoving corpse.

Roy pulled back the bolt of the rifle that he had ripped from Sue-Anne's hands. “Beth, try to quiet Marian down,” he said as he took aim on the tanks next to the wooden tower and squeezed the trigger.

Jerry heard the shot that flew passed him, but felt the explosion thunder over him, like someone slammed into him with a brick wall from behind. He suddenly had the sensation of flying and watched the ground pass underneath him toward the burning mushroom cloud and debris that was blown out into the surrounding area. A few bodies shambled about completely engulfed in flames. Jerry rolled to his side and sat on his knees trying to get his breath back. He tenderly touched the small cut that was on edge of his ear. A small trickle of blood dripped from his nose to the dry earth beneath him and a small cut was on his hip from where he landed. Overall he was in pretty good shape for out running an explosion, like he was some sort of action star.

Sue-Anne and Roy came up in the pick-up and skidded to a halt next to him. “You alright?!” Roy called out. Jerry could only faintly hear him, like he was talking from a long distance away. The ringing in his ears was muffling everything he heard.

“Yeah I'm fine,” Jerry said picking himself up with a wince. “A little close to my head there weren't you Sue-Anne?”

“Actually, I didn't shoot,” Sue-Anne admitted. “Roy took out the one behind you and the tanks.”

“Here isn't the place to discuss it. Get in.” Roy waved Jerry into the truck as he watched the torched bodies slowly making their way toward them and trying to fight the flames. Getting back on the road, Roy was once again behind the wheel of the military truck and Jerry in the passenger seat.

“Hey guys,” Sue-Anne called over the radio. “I got some movement up here. Looks like military vehicles.”

“Carl you remember me showing you how to use the fifty cal.?” Roy called through the window.

“Yeah, I recall it,” Carl responded.

“Time to put it to use.” Carl crawled his way out to the machine gun turret and aimed it ahead of him. “Let's hope that it isn't a group of criminals.” Jerry agreed. They may have had the firepower, but not the man power. As it stood, losing just one of their group would be devastating.

The military convoy came into view. Three Humvees driving in a single file line toward them. Coming to a stop in the road, Roy stepped out with his rifle in hand. The convoy pulled off to the side and two men stepped out of the leading Humvee. “We saw the explosion and came to check it out. Is everyone alright?” the driver asked.

“We're fine. Just took care of a few zombies is all,” Roy responded.

“Good to see some able bodied people still alive in this God forsaken world,” one of the men said.

“You're dressed as civilians. Where are you coming from?” Roy asked.

“We're from a small installation that we put together. Our leader has been sending us out to find survivors and bring them back. We can provide shelter and food for you and your group.”

“What's the catch?”

“No catch. Follow us and we'll take you to meet him.”

“Hold on a sec.” Roy strode back to the truck. “Don't take the gun off them,” he said to Carl. Jumping into the driver seat he sighed looking at the small convoy.

“What do you think?” Jerry asked.

“I don't like it. No one just provides food and shelter for free. They're kind of an important resource.”

“But we can't stay out here,” Beth said. “Especially with Marian. She's gonna need a stable place to sleep and grow up.”

Roy looked to Jerry, waiting for his voice on the matter. “I think that we should at least check it out,” Jerry said. “We don't exactly have a lot of options at the moment. If it seems like a place that we can temporarily stay at until we get our barring then maybe we should take it.”

“Alright,” Roy said nodding. Pushing the door open he stepped out. “Take us to your installation. When we get there we'll decide if we're gonna stay.”

The two men jumped back into their Humvee and quickly turned the convoy around. “I take it that we're going with these shady characters,” Sue-Anne stated over the radio.

“Just for now,” Jerry replied. “We'll probably still head to your relative's place; but it wouldn't hurt to have a chance to rest for a bit.”


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Sun Jul 31, 2016 2:17 pm
BrumalHunter wrote a review...



Back once more.

Oh, right. "Z-Day". Pardon my slowness. Well, now that I am aware of the apocalypse's nature, I can assure you that the conclusion to my previous review goes double for your story now. While characters can very easily die in a zombie apocalypse, and killing off a favourite character is done all too often in popular culture, you should scar your readers very seldomly. Plot armour may be a nuisance at times, but readers don't realise how much they value it until it's stripped away.


In the previous review, I mentioned how the link between dialogue and action wasn't fluid enough. This time, that disparity is much more bothersome. When the group discussed how to escape the zombies, they mentioned climbing to the roof. They then spoke for a few paragraphs, and suddenly, they were actually on the roof, with zombies reaching for them from down below. I had to reread that entire section to realise what had happened, so you need to take care not to skip such actions. I've done it myself, so it's an error that can slip in if you're being absent-minded.

Following that train of thought, your jumps between Jerry and the group on the roof isn't coherent either. They are quite some distance apart, so you can't write for them as if they're in close proximity. You need links that tell the reader this is happening while the others are some way off. Assuming the reader knows what's going on is rarely a good idea, since it means you leave out details that help bring everything together.

Oh, there it is again. Nowhere did you mention anyone getting into the pick-up truck. But enough of that. The section where Jerry thought that they couldn't afford to lose even one member of their party is hollow; they just lost Greg, yet no-one is even slightly upset at his death. This is only chapter three, so there is no way the characters could possibly have grown desensitised so quickly. Their lack of emotion makes everything they do now seem unbelievable.


The appearance of the military group so shortly after the main party had dispatched the zombies is unrealistic. If they were close enough to arrive within a minute, surely they would have scouted the area and found the arms long ago? You may want to slow the pace down a bit, and fillers exist exactly for that reason. Show the readers more about the characters and who they are, rather than frantically progress the plot.


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Wed Jun 29, 2016 3:19 pm
StarGazer wrote a review...



Hi! This was an interesting section. It's kind of hard to talk about, so this review will probably be a bit shorter. Having the zombies attracted by noise is almost a given in zombie movies, but why is no one on watch? If zombies can come up at any moment, not to mention other survivors, shouldn't they have a lookout? If they thought they were safe in the store, that could make sense, but you'd think they'd be more careful.

Having Greg and Jerry run to the oil tanks was a good idea. I like how there wasn't a lot of protesting or tearful goodbyes. So many people have died already that one or two more isn't that big of a deal. Of course, they still don't want them to die, but they see it's the best option and they're no point in arguing. Choosing Greg to run was interesting, but it makes sense. He assumes he'll still be fast even though he's older. The fact that he didn't make it made sense. He's older, and you haven't killed anyone in a while.

The fact that they doubt the other men makes sense. Earlier in the story, they ran after any mention of safety, but they never found it. After seeing the men on the boat, they've learned that not everyone is so nice. Their distrust is a good change of pace.

The one thing I noticed was when the men ask if they lost anyone, they say no one when they've lost Greg. I don't know if they just didn't want to tell them, but if that's true, you might want to add something to show that. Otherwise, great work!





I always knew that deep down in every human heart, there is mercy and generosity. No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.
— Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom