Young Writers Society

Ah, neat. I had a change of heart while I was reading. Initially I was like "this is obviously a library, and being so coy about it isn't winning me over." But then I finally figured out that the people are the books! And I liked that.

I think to alleviate my initial feeling of "I've already figured it out so do I really have to slog through all this," it would help to be a little less vague. Phrases like "he continued his journey into the expanse" feel like such intentional author-is-withholding-information lines. I think being more descriptive would avoid that, and ALSO help bring things more to life, as well as distract us from questioning too hard. For instance, you could have someone sitting on a table with their legs dangling, someone else leaning out from way high up on a shelf, someone else poking their head out from the "to be shelved" cart. Placing the people through the environment can bring it all out a lot more without giving your ending away.

An intriguing story with an intriguing execution. Before I get to interpretations, the grammars and the like.

-"“Hurry up and pick one out, Matthew” Mother said to her son. “You can only get one.”" The first line of dialogue doesn't end in a comma or a period. Perhaps change that for the better.

-"Matthew looked at him for a moment longer before walking by " This sentence is followed by a capitalized letter, so I assume that you've forgotten a period.

-"holding bright red ball in his mouth. " A bright red ball.

Now, to the nitty-gritty review part.

This was an interesting story with an interesting ending. I had to reread it a couple of times, because I couldn't imagine the state of things at first, before I considered the title itself--("He's in a library. He's in a goddamned library. *facepalms self for being stupid*"). Of course, I loved how you executed it, but I couldn't help but feel like you could make it much better.

For example, it's obvious that each character is a genre of a book and that the main character is in a library. Are there any other characters roaming the halls? Because if so, it would be interesting to see the difference between how many people who are talking to the old man and how many people who are petting the dog. And perhaps you could hint a bit at what the character actually wants. Maybe give a little foreshadowing to the audience? "He just wants to bring home something he can enjoy for a little while, and cherish for the rest of his life..."

But regardless, this was a fun and intelligent read. Great job here.

Signing out,

--EM.

Oh my god, that was amazing! It was so creepy at the beginning and then it just resolved itself with a small sentence at the end! Whew, every things safe!

I think we can all agree that we at once in our lives have been nervous of a few strangers, or people who just seem out of place to us. I think you captured that perfectly in this work.

All in all, your spelling and grammar are pretty much perfect - with one or two errors, but nothing to be shocked at! I think this story was perfect, and I was not expecting that ending when I first scrolled by it!

Good job!

Hello, the names Autopilot and I'm going to review your work.

To begin with, the title and description drew me in; we all here the phrase 'Don't judge a book by its cover" all the time. But as I was reading this, I found it a to be a little hard to read. When I saw it, I thought it was about books. As I read it, it was-although quite interesting-a little confusing. You don't learn until the end why he was there, but the story along the way did not seem to go with the ending. Is he in a library, and all those people are different books, and the puppy is a popular children's book? And when he gives it to his mom to check out, the librarian asked if he had his own library card. That would make sense, and would give the story a different meaning then I originally thought. So where is he, and what is going on?

Setting all of that aside, I really liked your story. Your word choices are most compelling, they make the story all the more interesting. When he meets the people, they all seem to have a message of life to give him. They seemed almost like personalities in human form. And your imagery skills are very good.

Great story!

And Keep on Writing!

Hi!
I really liked the use of punctuation you have used, the layout, the use of short sentences. I like the choice of words you have used! I really like how you keep us in suspense and then suddenly reveal why Matthew is there. You have used imagery well and I hope you continue to use it in your writings! Please continue to write!