Memories

I really like this story. you do a good job of writing as your character. Your writing is deliberate,just as your character would be after going through such a traumatic experience. It was hard to read sometimes, but i am a fan of the fact that you weren't afraid to be to descriptive with the sisters death, true it was a bit gory, but descriptive. I did notice some errors with your tenses but other than that fantastically moving story. Loved it.

This is a really powerful and emotive story. I'm glad I have had the opportunity to read it, though the goriness isn't so fun to read at night when you're just about to go to sleep... oh well. There are a few spelling/grammatical mistakes in it but I really enjoyed reading your story. What did you write this for again? I want to know more about it now. I want to know why the narrator can't remember their sister clearly and why their Mother hates their Father so much for not being the strong one. I think it's probably good that in your story, you make me want to know more (unless it was only meant to be a short story) but I (as a reader) feel there needs to be more.

While I was reading it, I picked up on a few things. For example, talking about the car full of teenage girls and then driver that didn't stop. I think that in this bit, you should maybe discuss the fact that there was more than one person in the car because, in a way, having more people in the car makes the offense worse as surely someone would have made the driver stop the car? Just my ideas though.

I like the fact that you have written this to sound like the narrator is trying to dust off a long buried memory by giving more of a recap of events rather than talking about what is happening now and how they feel. They seem to talk just about, "Well... this happened. I wonder why?" instead of, "Oh my God, I can't believe this happened!"


Your writing style is unique and this story is amazing. I hope this helped! Good luck and keep writing!


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