Published June 24, 2011
I let her curly hair fall ringlet by ringlet through my fingers. Her breathing grows deeper as I move my lips up her neck, taking in her scent and the smooth texture of her skin under my rough hands. She whimpers and I slowly lean back so that I can look into her eyes. I smile and I can almost imagine that she smiles back. But I know she doesn’t. I know she is scared. That she wonders why this is happening. In many ways, I pity her for that, in many others I don’t care.
I let one hand trace over her slightly parted lips and the other move down her thigh to rest between her legs. I don’t plan to rape her, that, I feel would be demeaning for both of us. I just wish to enjoy another’s company.
Her eyes still stare into mine, a mixture of fear, disgust and lust. Or perhaps I just imagined the lust. Perhaps none of this was real.
Her eyes are like the deepest green ink flecked with small bits of brown. Her lips are cracked and broken though, not taken care of, her hair messy, as though it had not been brushed in a while. But none of this mattered, no, it was her eyes that held my attention, her eyes that seemed to bore right into my core and dissect it. Or maybe I just imagined that. Maybe none of this was real.
I let my knife trace itself alone her arm, beads of blood slowly begin to appear and I smile again. I run my finger along the scratch, letting the blood gather in the ridges of my finger, then lift it up to show her. She doesn’t move, doesn’t speak. Leaning forward I run the bloodied finger across her lips, leaving red lines behind, then I cut my own finger and run my blood over hers. We are connected. Then I lean forward and kiss the blood soaked lips. I can almost imagine she kisses back. Almost hear the ecstasy in her moans.
When I move away she just stares at me, frightened. It does not matter; I have grown tired of my play date anyway.
It suits, I suppose, that my last thoughts before the lethal injection were of her. My finest, victim. So, as they slid the needle into my arm and millions of people sighed with relief that they would be safe once more, they also frowned, maybe even grew a little worried, a little scared. Because, why would someone who had shown just how much they love living die with a smile on their face? Why would a serial killer die with a smile on his face?
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138,117 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Okay...so yeah I'm still recovering from reading this person. Its a powerful dive in the final thoughts of a serial killer...which is not something I thought I'd even run into but hmm, its a scarily realistic piece here with some very odd questions to end on.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well, I'm not really sure how this is starting out here...on one hand, it feels like we've got something akin to romance happening with a sense of attraction being detected on the part of the POV character, but it also gives off serious creepiness vibes and I have no idea how to react to this.
Well...yup, the creep factor is definitely increasing and increasing rapidly, very rapidly, I've got no idea what's happening but I am terrified for the girl at the moment with how this person is going about things.
The repetition of "maybe none of this is real" seems to suggest that the one doing all of these creepy things perhaps is in some sort of trance as they do whatever it is they're trying to do here and they feel some kind of slight disconnect from reality, it would certainly track with the actions going on here...and it is quite intriguing.
okay now I'm starting to suspect if this other girl is meant to even be alive...that seems awfully passive for a living human to do unless of course this person has been drugged severely and incapacitated in some way. All in all, this is just all serving to make the hairs on my hand stand up.
Ahh...well that makes sense...so this person is a serial killer about to be executed via lethal injection and we just saw his last thoughts of doing well, very serial killer type things to a woman that he appears to consider his finest victim for some reason. Well, this ended about as well as it could have here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, a piece that leaves you thinking quite a bit. Its a startlingly well done look inside the world of a serial killer. And yeah, I mean, this appears to be a short story here...and you capture what you intend to really well here. This is the sort of story that will leave a lasting impression on a reader.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
wow that was weird. Um... I liked it though? I love how detailed it was, though it was a little creepy. Is the main character meant to be a necrophiliac? Or is that something that was meant to be a crazed part of his personality?
There doesn't need to be a comma there. I'm not sure if that was a typo or not but it looks bad and sounds weird.
I think that's all. Other than that it was all right. No other grammatical or spelling errors and it was on point.
Hi,
Wait, what? What's going on? I am so confused. I started reading this and didn't know what was going on. I still don't. It was good and all, but still.
Farewell,
A.
I think it should be a short story.
I really like this
Really really really like this...love it!
There are a few grammatical mistakes though. And I'll be happy to point a few out for you.
No coma needed I think..
In the above paragraph, you state the same thing. Maybe you could make it say something like this instead, leaving out the second sentence as you have it above- "Or maybe I just imagined that as well." or "Or maybe I just imagined that too."
Alone I think is supposed to "along"? And this could be put as two sentences. It really doesn't read well as one. Something like, "I let my knife trace itself along her arm. Beads of blood slowly began to appear and I smile again."
That's really all my eyes picked out so far. That and your tenses. You veer from one to another in some places. You should check that out.
Anyways, I love the idea and the writing of this. Brilliant!
Can't wait to read more,
-Brie