Published December 12, 2007
i hope this makes sence I is me she is my best friend and her is my other one said other friend is my newest friend the situation is explained better in my blog
A L O N E
First it was just me.
Then it was she and me.
As close as can be.
Soon there were three.
Three peas in a pod.
Completely balanced .
I was strong and funny.
She was sweet and naïve.
Her was smart and cynical.
We were all best friends.
All the time.
Through it all.
We turned to each other .
We were never a l o n e.
Then we were split in three.
Sent to different parts of the world.
Or so it seems.
I found a friend.
Dependable and true.
But said friend could never replace she.
But could she replace me?
Her found friends in anywhere possible.
She claimed to miss us.
But time just got to us.
I feel us is breaking.
So I ask is it wrong for me.
To be happy.
Without her or she.
With someone.
Not just me?
Will I be replaced in her life?
Will she just move one?
Will said friend really be true?
Or will it be back to just me?
Will I be all a l o n e
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Great poem, lots of emotion, lots of lines to make a person think. I have found some issues, mostly clarification, and grammar problems. Otherwise, fantastic job.
Alright, this is where it gets a bit loose. The second line seems pointless, I would suggest removing it completely.
Or so it seems.. well seems out of place. It's like it was just thrown on for no good reason. Come up with a more meaningful line.
In this last line, unless you are referring to THE she, do not use the word 'she'. It will only cause confusion. Use "But could said friend replace me?" instead if that is the meaning you were going for. Or any other newly re-phrased line that you think is appropriate.
The line "Her found friend in anywhere possible" That is just bad grammar. Remove the word 'in' and it would make more sense, or just re-form the line to work different if you wish.
If I did not mention a stanza or line above, then I thought it was just fine. Hope my input helps, let me know if you liked any of my suggestions, and when/if you update this poem, please inform me. Thanks a lot. Wish you well in your writing.
I have to say that I was humming a tune and I suddenly found this peom and it really gone well with it.
I have to say it is a bit sad, but a little melodramtic.
That's not your fault or mine. That's just my opinion.
Your peom is well written, Grammer is well.
I give this a 7 out of 10
Okay, I hate to break it to you, but this isn't very good as those above me have said. I felt it conveyed a emotion fairly well, but the writing was poor. I liked how you had the "her" and "she" as names, but also found it confusing. You need to specify who they are better. The name "her" just sort of popped up, without warning, and became a name. Maybe giving each one a fake name would be better.
She and Her also confused me because as those words refer to girls, I was asking myself, "Does that 'she' refer to 'She' or 'Her'?" Remember to specify better.
I felt the poem a bit cliche. A lot of people right about this type of stuff. But, yours did stand out fairly well and I might remember it.
That was VERY good. I can certainly relate to that exact same feeling.
One thing that I found confusing was the little intro/beggining part. I think either the punctuation was off or I am just off today. Anyways I think that this poem is especially well writen because you can make it rhyme while still keeping the maturity and the distance of this poem. I truly enjoyed reading this poem and I'll be truly glad to read another one of your pieces hopefully sometime soon. Keep up the good work.
Feel free to PM me with any questions.etc(maybe let me know when you've posted another piece)
-BroadwayGirl
ya this was really good, i hate it when friendships die
That was really good. I can relate to having a friend move away, watching the friendship crumble over a long distance. Really good. Liked the message (again probably because I can relate) Keep writing hope to hear from ya soon!
--Lucky