GOD'S PINK SKUNK (part one of an epic trilogy (3)) no idea how this coding works... so I WOULD LIKE TO INFORM YOU THAT THE NEXT THREE CHAPTERS, the whole story i guess,) is already ready and compacted into one bite size reading...YOU CAN SEE THIS BY GOING INTO MY DEN, OR PROFILE AS I LIKE TO CALL IT, AND CLICKING ON MY HUH.. PORTFOLIO.. gods skunk.. click it. OR YOU CAN just read this and see if you even want to read the rest.. which im sure you will... because if youd ont like this one.. which you wont.. i mean you will like it.. but if you dont.. the last two chapters will blow your mind like a whor.. you get what im saying? itll be good just do it. and then plus if you review me ill review you and we can be friends. id like that.
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ch1
A pink striped skunk looks into the night's sky atop a watch tower where the oxygen is as thin as a razor’s blade. The ocean is illuminated with a wavery blue shine from the glossy moon—the stars act like fireflies and glint in and out of existence, dancing and laughing around the smiling moon.
The skunk’s eyes start to scramble out of focus. His head starts to spin like a child's top, wavering on the edge of consciousness and oblivion, long forgetful of the old wooden ghost ship that carries him along with no concern of destination. According to the vessels ledger, the skunk and his crew have been sailing nowhere and everywhere and back for some 300 odd years, odd, weird years they were indeed.
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The skunk was on his eighth color cycle, so obviously, he had been around for quite some time, but he was sick of it. He’d seen everything and anything a living thing could want to see--do everything and anything anything would want to do. The skunk had once seen a mermaid fight with a shark-lobster in a magnificent spectacle of exploding light, blood, and boobs in an underwater city made of dead bodies, with old dead thrown-out hookers making up the base. Now, hundreds of years later, the skunk was sick of life and everything it had to offer. He couldn’t for the life of him even remember how he ended up on the ship in the first place. Something to do with a bar bet and a transvestite boxer/sailor, the details were hazy. If it was up to Mr. Skunk, he would have ended it long ago… but it wasn't.
The skunk was a born again Christian and knew it was up to God to decide when it was time. The skunk just wished sometimes he’d hurry the hell up. “I just know everything will be alright in the end,” the skunk would say after prayer. “Fate teases me with its bliss—that short infinite, innocent second of light at the end of the tunnel—its there, I just know it! IM READY LORD! TAKE ME NOW! IM READY!” he would scream with his front legs stretched up into the sky, but would only be met with unsure stares from his shipmates.
The skunk never liked his crew and their sketchy stares, especially when he was trying to talk with the Lord. Or when he tried to make love with the cracks in the ship’s rickety planks. No, he didn’t like them at all. That’s why a few odd years back the skunk hacked the entire crew into tiny pieces, which was then made into a nice bitter but sweet bullion soup. The skunks new crew now comprises of a fork, a rotting fish, and a piece of wood named Dan.
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The skunk gazed lazily up into the sky's eternity—waiting for that magic moment to hit his mind and blow him far away from his shackled carcass; when everything just suddenly--clicked—into place—showing its true self: pure untainted enlightenment. The skunk rubbed his eyes and decided to climb down and find something to fuck.
[spoiler] whats this.. this sounds good. well lets just say it ends with elves getting drunk and kicking stuff over with wolves... or does it?. hmmmm :rol[code][list]
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I'm locking this. Xena, PM me if you want it unlocked. We need to talk.
and dont you ever think i assume that something is funny all the time just fo rthe sake of funny. these are not random things you... they are vital to the plot and character development. random for the sake of random.... get the fudge out of town
Mod edit: Do not swear outside of literary works.
i get the feeling that you get that feeling. and i cant help but see why. but i dont see anything random with a pink skunk on a ship... no more random den someone writing abou tsomeone meeting someone... cause you coulda think. they met this guy beause he was on the bus.. and you gotta think. this skunk is on this ship for a reason... that is assuming skunks go on ships,, which--according to my story they do, goddamn it. and besides.. i get bored of people. jew now? now i cant deny that i love randmomness.. but i dont see whhats at all random of a skunk being on a ship. weird random things happen in the world. and plot device nothing. this everyhthing that happens is perfectly logical, but thanks for your input.
MODERATOR: Keep all curse words to the writing only, please!
It seems to me that you are just going for total randomness. I get the feeling that you think that constitutes a rip-roaring, laugh riot. The story could go into some nice good grounds if the chaos in the story is, hacked away a bit. I did like the end of the second bit. "The skunks new crew now comprises of a fork, a rotting fish, and a piece of wood named Dan." I found that to be pretty funny. But other than that, too random. An interesting contrast from your last story, which I quite liked.
ay AY.. you both can go to hell.. no im kidding.. you guys have some good points and stuff.. and good looking on that sailor... ill even admit this first one is kinda.. ehh.. rough.. to even me... but i think it gets better... well I do at least.. to save time and money ill just post the next two in one single post.. it might be kind of long... which if i was me i probably wouldnt read it.. but you guys (everybody in the world) should and tell me what you shink
I think you're going a little bit too far with the whole 'completely, ridiculously random'ness. After a time, even the funniest random can get dumb. And you didn't even wait.
I don't see this going anywhere, and I'd rather it didn't. Because it's just - too plot-devicey, and not really funny in it's over-board randomness. I think you pushed it over the edge, to the point of the reader just wanting to say 'No, please stop. PLEASE STOP!'
Mostly it annoys me because you have talent, and in this particular story, your wasting that talent, as well as time. If I were you, I'd throw it out, and start with something slightly less forced.
Good luck either way!
-SELA
I don't know how you're going to pull off animals having Christianity as a religion. If you can pull it off, that would be interesting. Is Jesus going to a human, or a hedgehog? I don't know about all denominations, but at least some of them if not all believe that animals don't have souls. Again, if you can pull this off, that would be interesting. Maybe you should just do a little bit of thinking.
So, the skunk didn't get into trouble for mutilating the crew and making a soup out of them. That's convenient. Is he captain? If that's the case, I guess it would make sense.
This really isn't like anything I've read before. It uses personafied animals, mixes it in with adult humor and themes, and a...pirate ship. Interesting.