Published August 2, 2008
hmm meh meh meh mehmeh... i dont know. you could of taken out the boulder, colorodo. like it didnt do much for the piece. Even colorodo would of been suffeceint... even tho.. i think.. at least, that thats part of the story, is why is this guy just wondering around boulder colorodo on the bus. but i think it couldof been worded differently like.. so like i was in boulder colorodo the other day, and i got bored so i took the bus.. or something.. and then.. the next time you say it.. since im not familiar with colorodo, or just boulder, but boulder, colorodo just seems too stiff, or repetitive.. im not sure but it just doesnt settle right for me. bu thats just me. but other than that... i thinki kinda like this kid... maybe you coould expand this into a spin off like that show "Joey" when thye had his life after friends... but not as gay... and the whole looking for a bus stop to get back to the other spot where he could of walked back to the other spot where he origianlly came from.. was a little confusing if not just sounding jubbled too me. you could of cut that part out and had an acutal adventure he had on his way to look for that spot, like he met a squirrel or something.. the ending was pretty ok. in the end i cant really complain about anything else... and ps i think ive gone ont he bus for fun once.. not just to go on the bus, i mean, i got on with no spacific destination in mind, i just wanted to see what was around that bus route i had never gotten on before. cause i also not familiar with the area i just to go on the bus and find new shopping marts to steal alcohol from and to see what was around that part of town... i didnt get lost tho. every bus ends up at the same place, where oncei get to that place, i can always find my way back. thank you
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140,900 Literary Works • 673,706 Reviews
Finally! someone as stupid as me!
I went for a walk a couple of days ago and got so far away i tried to take the bus home but got on the wrong one and ended up further away and...bleurgh. And yeah I get on buses for fun too. Its stupid. But it CAN be fun.
It was good but you mixed up the tense.
Instead try:
Try:
I liked it. I like how the character admit's their mistakes (because we all know 99.99 percent of people don't admit theirs'.) I wouldn't change the length at all because i feel it is perfect the way it is.
I loved that line. I literally busted out laughing upon reading it. I can't imagine what it would be like to ride a bus to a forign place and have no way back, but I think you portrayed a great reaction from your character. Great job.