Published November 30, 2009
It hurt, but I still had to move. And move fast. Scrambling through the trees as fast as I could, scratching every part of my body as I went, I heard the sound I had been dreading. A prolonged howl. I saw in the distance, nearly impossible to spot from behind the tightly packed trees, a cluster of bushes.
'I have to get away!' I thought, though the fear nearly incapacitated me. 'Just keep running' I repeated 'He might leave you alone eventually if you just keep running' I knew, however, that only a fool would believe the hopeles encouragement I repeated in my head- and no fool was I.
Trying to keep myself moving anyway, with only these meaningless words as propellant, I nearly cried out when I tripped on a large log that had been waiting to catch me, fateful forest as this was, and my leg made a sickening lurch. I clamped my mouth shut and lunged for all I was worth towards the bushes.
I stayed huddled within the shelter of the tiny shelter, shivering with cold, when I heard a noise that was far too close to be leaving. A sort of scratching, sniffling sound, that was only a few feet away. I didn't look out, but I knew what was coming before it came.
It thrust it's' large head through the bush and smiled.
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140,852 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm...well this is a fun little chase sequence of sorts to get us started in this particular world. Its a neat little bit of an adrenaline rush to be tossing us into and I think it works out quite neatly in terms of dragging us into this story since it just immediately thrusts us into things with just about enough explanation to know we need to be terrified but still vague enough that it remains mysterious.
Onto this scene itself, I think you've done a really good job there with how you've managed to put it all together. The fear that's present there at the initial stage of running, the sense of doom coming ever closing up building up so nicely along with the rest of what's happening until we get that bit moment where things go wrong. Its all constructed quite nicely I think.
Overall, I think this is a pretty solidly constructed prologue right here. It all comes together really well and as a whole, the piece works out quite wonderfully as a prologue, I definitely find myself wanting to turn those pages and find out what's up next.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Ok, thanks everyone, I'll try to apply your advice as well as I can. Also, adddictiontofiction, thanks especially for the pointer on the redundant phrasing, I didn't notice that.
Hi DarkSpiral, it's me, PenNPaper, I think you're off to a good story, by the looks of it.
Nice prologue, it was a great start. Although it was short, it did capture my attention. Hope to see the next chapter, which would be the first chapter, coming out soon. All the best, xDarkSpiralx.
Wow, I really enjoyed that. I hope that you continue because you have a great start here. Everyone else has commented and I don't have any nit-picks.
So great job and keep up the great work.
-Cait
Hi there! I just have to say I really enjoyed that. I drew me in and made me intereted, although I did have one problem.
This confused me a little. Maybe if you said "I was no fool." that would make a little more sense. You don't have to take my advice if you don't want to I just think it would be easier to understand if you did that. But I really did enjoy and I can't wait for chapter one!
Hey, I liked it. I only found one part hat I really didn't like:
Keep writing! Good luck and well done 
"I stayed huddled within the shelter of the tiny shelter," just doesn't make sense. I know what you're trying to say, but it's slightly reduntant and can be worded much better.
Other than that, it was good.
~Addict
Sooo, Spiral strikes again.
The only thing I caught was "hopeles" should be "hopeless"
Use your spell check girl!
All in all, it did draw me in, and I can't wait for the first chapter! I love your writing, it is always so interesting.
Keep Writing!
~Shaard
Hey there DarkSpiral!
So your prologue was in a success in the fact it really did draw the reader in. Considering how short it was (which is completely okay for a prologue) there weren't too many errors, but these are the ones I caught.
Now I know what you're trying to get across with the shortness of sentences, but here I would make this a complete one. I'd suggest, A prolonged howl pierced the night.
here that apostrophe should be a period, since it's a new sentence. But I'm guessing you just overlooked it.
That should just be its.
Well that's really all I caught. It was nicely written, and I'll check back for a chapter when I see it posted.