Dragonflies
Of iridescent wings;
Darting in the twilight-
We fly together as stars sing,
But as is our nature,
We left each other's side;
Now I yearn for you,
My ruby dragonfly.
As the moon
In her fixed place
Shines through my window
On my sleeping face
An angel hovers
In robes of silk lace
And kisses my brow
A mark of embrace
As my dream moves on
I see a new land
Barren and dry
With nothing but sand
I wish to escape
And run without purpose
I run over mountains
Feet not finding purchase
My dream is now over
I'm waking to you
You're sleeping beside me
From your hand, something flew
I follow it to the window
And waiting beneath new sun
Was a glimmering dragonfly
Ruby and red as blood
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey there,
This is a pretty poem -- I like the description of dragonflies here. It's very elegant and you sustain that touch throughout the poem which is a good, good thing.
I don't think you need to capitalise the beginning of every line; it halts like punctuation, and lowercases might better the flow, dear. The last stanza takes away from the poem, though it does close the poem and it makes the poem feel like it's ending (which is good!). It's a little bit of repetition and I'd do away with it.
Best of luck,
June
Wow, thanks, Kate, I didn't notice the switch from present to past. Also, I agree, I think it would flow better. I will do that, thanks!
I don't usually like abstract poems, but this one I found riveting- great job ^_^
In the first paragraph you change tenses- you say "We fly" (present tense) and then you say "We left" (past tense). Just change it to "We leave" and it will be perfect.
Oh, and in the last paragraph you say "And waiting beneath new sun" if you were to say "The new sun" it will flow better.
Keep writing! Happy Holidays!