Published November 25, 2009
She looks down into the glassy black water
Hoping to see some trace of her father
But all she sees is her own pale face
Small and alone in this dark, cold place
A whispering echo reaches her ear
But when she turns 'round, there is nothing near
Imagining hearing the threat of scales rasping
She backs away quickly, nervously gasping
She falsely percieves movement near, on the ground
And turns to run, screaming- making nary a sound
For as she had turned, she fell to the water
Falling down, down, down, to the calls of her father
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141,399 Literary Works • 674,387 Reviews
Wow, thanks! I didn't really think so many people would approve.
And actually, the fact that the story behind the poem is unknown, like how the father died, is on purpose. It's a kind of theme in some of my poems. Leaves you hanging.
Wow! This was utterly entrancing. it was dark, spooky, sad, and suspenseful, all at once.
Your grammar and spelling is perfect too, as far as I can see. The only thin I can add is : it might be nice to know a bit more about the girl and her father. How did he die?
great job!!!!!!
-Dreamy
Thanks
Welcome to YWS by the way!!
Wow. Dark, suspensful, good meter and rhyme. Utterly riveting, I love it! You are very good!
Keep writing!
~Shaard