Goodbye

by XChangeX

Published September 27, 2010

In Poems

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Goodbye
Two small words
One happy
The other,
Not so much
But brought together,
It’s like a Hurricane meeting a Volcano
Something’s going to fizzle out
Cutting ties with a butter knife,
Difficult and gruesome,
But not impossible.
I can’t force the words to leave my lips,
No matter how hard I try.
Everyone says I need to say them.
I need to move on,
But I can’t.
I can’t let go of you,
Even though you’ve let go of life.
My heart rate slows,
And my breath is short.
My eyes close.
I’m going to join you,
I don’t need to say goodbye anymore.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
XChangeX
Comment
XChangeX commented Comment · Sep 28, 2010

Thank you both :) I will take what you said into consideration when I write my next poem.

XOChange

User avatar
kitrosemon13
Review
kitrosemon13 wrote a review Review · Sep 27, 2010

Nicely written, I did feel the pain that you are portraying as I read through this. I wrote a poem semi close to this so I know what you're going through if the is you you're speaking of.

XChangeX wrote:Goodbye. (there should be a period here to enforce your words.)
Two small words
One happy
The other,
Not so much. (period)
But brought together,
It’s like a Hurricane meeting a Volcano
Something’s going to fizzle out
Cutting ties with a butter knife,
Difficult and gruesome,
But not impossible. (I love the imagery here, it was nicely played out.)
I can’t force the words to leave my lips,
No matter how hard I try.
(Maybe you should put this into a stanza or too, just a suggestion.)
Everyone says I need to say them.
I need to move on,
But I can’t.
I can’t let go of you,
Even though you’ve let go of life.
My heart rate slows,
And my breath is short.
My eyes close.
I’m going to join you,
I don’t need to say goodbye anymore.


The ending is by far this best out of it all, I can see the eyes closing; feel the heart rate slowing and now your with him or her, whoever. Nicely done indeed, just remember punctuation is mostly needed in every form of art and poetry. Keep writing!

User avatar
AngelMarie
Comment
AngelMarie commented Comment · Sep 27, 2010

I like this poem a lot! i could really feel the emotions in it. and i love your broad vocabulary! Keep up the great work!



"In my contact with people I find that, as a rule, it is only the little, narrow people who live for themselves, who never read good books, who do not travel, who never open up their souls in a way to permit them to come into contact with other souls -- with the great outside world."
— Booker T. Washington, Up From Slavery