Goodbye

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Goodbye
Two small words
One happy
The other,
Not so much
But brought together,
It’s like a Hurricane meeting a Volcano
Something’s going to fizzle out
Cutting ties with a butter knife,
Difficult and gruesome,
But not impossible.
I can’t force the words to leave my lips,
No matter how hard I try.
Everyone says I need to say them.
I need to move on,
But I can’t.
I can’t let go of you,
Even though you’ve let go of life.
My heart rate slows,
And my breath is short.
My eyes close.
I’m going to join you,
I don’t need to say goodbye anymore.

Comments & reviews · 4
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User avatar
XChangeX
Comment

Thank you both :) I will take what you said into consideration when I write my next poem.

XOChange

User avatar
kitrosemon13
Review

Nicely written, I did feel the pain that you are portraying as I read through this. I wrote a poem semi close to this so I know what you're going through if the is you you're speaking of.

XChangeX wrote:Goodbye. (there should be a period here to enforce your words.)
Two small words
One happy
The other,
Not so much. (period)
But brought together,
It’s like a Hurricane meeting a Volcano
Something’s going to fizzle out
Cutting ties with a butter knife,
Difficult and gruesome,
But not impossible. (I love the imagery here, it was nicely played out.)
I can’t force the words to leave my lips,
No matter how hard I try.
(Maybe you should put this into a stanza or too, just a suggestion.)
Everyone says I need to say them.
I need to move on,
But I can’t.
I can’t let go of you,
Even though you’ve let go of life.
My heart rate slows,
And my breath is short.
My eyes close.
I’m going to join you,
I don’t need to say goodbye anymore.


The ending is by far this best out of it all, I can see the eyes closing; feel the heart rate slowing and now your with him or her, whoever. Nicely done indeed, just remember punctuation is mostly needed in every form of art and poetry. Keep writing!

User avatar
AngelMarie
Comment

I like this poem a lot! i could really feel the emotions in it. and i love your broad vocabulary! Keep up the great work!



I was promis'd on a time, To have a reason for my rhyme: From that time unto this season, I receiv'd nor rhyme nor reason.
— Edmund Spenser