Hello there and happy RevMo (even if I am a bit late to the reviewing party)! I, a bold Knight of the Green Room, am here today to review you.
With that said, first impressions first, I noticed that the lines of your poem are quite a bit spaced out, and it looks like you've run into a formatting snafu with the text editor. There are a few ways to fix this, and this article goes over multiple methods in-depth, though this one is also really good.
The poem overall felt a bit choppy as I was reading it as well due to how short the lines are, and I got the impression that you broke the lines up according to how they looked rather than how they read. While that's perfectly acceptable in a form poem, this piece doesn't appear to have any form that it is following, and so the line breaks feel a bit haphazard when it comes to how ideas and the words themselves when read aloud flow (or don't) between each other.
I would recommend playing around more with the placement of your line breaks, and there's a pretty comprehensive article on the topic of breaking lines and stanzas that I highly recommend you take a look at for ideas and some theory behind line and stanza breaks. There's also this article on punctuation in poetry that you might also find interesting.
They are a lonely one
This line stuck out to me like a sore thumb because within the next few lines, you specifically refer to the person as a she, which left me wondering why you didn't refer to her as "she" here. Ambiguity is fun and all, but this struck me as a case of being unnecessarily ambiguous.
Overall, I feel like you could make this poem a lot stronger if you played around with its structure a bit more, especially with regards to your line lengths. Adding in stanzas would also be something to consider, and you could use it to set off the twist to give it a bit more impact. Right now, visually, it just blends into the rest of the poem and thus winds up a bit lost.
Enjoy!
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