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disseat

by Wulie


For the first time
in a while I smiled today
A warm glimmer of hope ran through me
How I wished you could've seen it

But how little did I know
it would be my very last smile
For I did not see
the past becoming my future

Once again disseat rules my life
lies uncovered from the shadows
I lay broken upon the floor
been pushed to far one final time

I wanted to say goodbye but you were with her.

Wrote it in 5 mins nothing good...


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52 Reviews


Points: 2770
Reviews: 52

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Tue Aug 11, 2020 2:50 am
VioletFantasy wrote a review...



Hello!
I really like this poem! I think it’s very that you used the word disseat as the title and in the poem. I never hear that word! It’s a good one and should be used more often. I’m going to try and make it popular( I doubt it will work though).


For the first time
in a while I smiled today
A warm glimmer of hope ran through me
How I wished you could've seen it”

The first stanza is definitely my favorite. It is so beautiful and slightly sorrowful. This is a good mix that works very well together in poems. The last line is very thought provoking and makes the reader wonder who the writer wanted to smile at.


The ending of the poem is sad, but it seems right. A lot of endings are like that. I think it definitely works well with this style of writing. This was overall an amazing poem, especially since you wrote it in 5 minutes! It takes me forever to write anything that’s half as good as this. Good job!!




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206 Reviews


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Reviews: 206

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Fri Sep 05, 2008 9:20 am
Lil_Pau wrote a review...



Wow. For a poem written in only 5 minutes, it was really amazing! :D
Yes, I agree, punctuation will make it better.

Other than that, though it was simple, it was really good.

Keep writing!
:)




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Points: 890
Reviews: 64

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Wed Sep 03, 2008 10:29 am
bisquit wrote a review...



this is really good. captured the reader instantly and held many features that are really succesful. including...

'For the first time

in a while I smiled today'

this is a really good opening and instantly draws you in. i think you could even add a semi colon after the word 'today'

just a few more bits of punctuation might make this piece even better. But as it is, i adored it
great work :)




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665 Reviews


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Reviews: 665

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Thu Dec 09, 2004 5:54 am
Chevy wrote a review...



not good? if this isnt good nothing ive ever read is! this is a beautiful poem and it almost made me smile...something i dont do authentically very often...it wasnt sad and i liked it...i usually dont like poetry that isnt sad and depressing but this one made me happy aunthentically and i cant help but say,
I LOVE IT!





akdsjfh you know that feeling where you start writing a scene but then you get bored with the scene so you move on and start writing a different scene and then you get bored with that scene so you move on to an entirely different WIP and then you get bored with that so you move on-
— AceassinOfTheMoon