First, your punctuation doesn't make sense. You've put in semi-colons in between two thoughts on the same line, but nowhere else in the poem have you punctuated. I can't remember who said it but someone did say, "A poet must first learn the rules of grammar in order to break them." Punctuate the whole poem properly and then decide where a broken rule will provide a good effect - for example, fragments make for dramatic endings/beginnings. Also, once you've punctuated, you can kill off the bad lines in your poem and the unconnected thoughts.
Otherwise, "short lived" needs a hyphen.
It sounded more like a song than a poem, because it was too fast-paced. Slow it down and work on your metre (or meter).
It's something to work with, a first draft per se, but it needs to be altered and shaped into something before this can become a poem.
Oh, and ....
... welcome back!
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